# Totally kewlest threats-with-backup **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 19, 2011, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219 "2011-01-19T17:22:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/21 "2011-01-20T05:29:21Z")
Somethimes the simplest threats are the most effective. From _Unforgiven_: “All right, I’m coming out. Any man I see out there, I’m gonna shoot him. Any sumbitch takes a shot at me, I’m not only gonna kill him, but I’m gonna kill his wife, all his friends, and burn his damn house down.” ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/22 "2011-01-20T05:45:37Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > “I’m going to rip off your head and shit down your neck” counts only if read as a metaphor for some situationally plausible carnage. You haven’t played Duke Nukem 3D. [Video](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgRRweh1jsg). ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/23 "2011-01-20T05:54:01Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Gil does seem to get the best ones, though, doesn’t he? [Here’s one of my faves,](http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20071121) followed by a [demonstration](http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20071126) of [just](http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20071128) how [serious](http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20071130) he [really is.](http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20071203) Dimo gets a pretty good one in [here](http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20071207), though… Nicely understated, but with real authority. “_Hoy! So who else vants to get_ promoted?” Then, speaking of understated, and IRL, there’s always “_Speak softly, and carry a big stick_.” ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/24 "2011-01-20T06:20:37Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Somethimes the simplest threats are the most effective. From _Unforgiven_: > > “All right, I’m coming out. Any man I see out there, I’m gonna shoot him. Any sumbitch takes a shot at me, I’m not only gonna kill him, but I’m gonna kill his wife, all his friends, and burn his damn house down.” And this one, although this was more of a promise than a threat: “That’s right, I’ve killed women and children, I’ve killed just about everything that walked or crawled at one time or another, and I’m here to kill you Little Bill, for what you did to Ned.” ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/25 "2011-01-20T15:54:52Z")
Opposite of the thread title, and forgive me for not starting another thread, but there may not be enough material for it: What movie was is this? The main character is making a tremendous, wordy, bold threat to an array of enemies. However he pauses every so often to whisper urgently to his friend next to him, “Start the car!” I may have the details wrong, but I vaguely remember this scene as the biggest threat ever WITHOUT backup. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/26 "2011-01-20T16:08:41Z")
From the babysitter bandit on the first season of the Simpsons, of all things: “If you don’t do what I say, I’m going to do something to you. And I don’t know what that thing is 'cause no one doesn’t do what I say.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/27 "2011-01-20T16:15:19Z")
This is completely not what the OP is looking for, but I’ve always found it amusing: I’m gonna cut off your nose and shove down the mouth of your dick! ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/28 "2011-01-20T16:16:04Z")
“Are you gonna DO something, or just stand there and bleed?” -Wyatt Earp, in _ **Tombstone** _ "Listen kid, I’m not gonna bullshit you, all right? I don’t give a good fuck what you know or don’t know. But I’m gonna torture you anyway, regardless. Not to get information. It’s amusing, to me, to torture a cop. You can say anything you want, cause I’ve heard it all before. All you can do is pray for a quick death… which you ain’t gonna get. " -Mr. Blonde, in _ **Reservoir Dogs** _ ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/29 "2011-01-20T16:44:30Z")
Similar to the Mr. Blonde quote, this is from _Sin City_: Cardinal Roark: Will that bring you satisfaction, my son? Killing a helpless, old, fart? Marv: Killing? No. No satisfaction. Everything up until the killing … will be a gas. ---
**Author:** ![Keweenaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Keweenaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keweenaw)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/30 "2011-01-20T16:45:23Z")
> [@ultrafilter](#): > > > [@BrainGlutton](#): > > > > “I’m going to rip off your head and shit down your neck” counts only if read as a metaphor for some situationally plausible carnage. > > You haven’t played Duke Nukem 3D. [Video](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgRRweh1jsg). When I read the thread title I thought of one of the Preacher comic one-shot specials where Jody makes this very threat. And then proceeds to carry it out later on in a literal fashion. This must be the issue -[The Good Old Boys](http://www.amazon.com/Preacher-special-good-old-boys/dp/B0006RPYA8) ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/31 "2011-01-20T16:51:04Z")
I love this pair: **[Inigo Montoya](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001597/)**: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. **[Prince Humperdinck](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001697/)**: First things first, to the death. **[Westley](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000144/)**: No. To the pain. **[Prince Humperdinck](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001697/)**: I don’t think I’m quite familiar with that phrase. **[Westley](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000144/)**: I’ll explain and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon. **[Prince Humperdinck](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001697/)**: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me. **[Westley](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000144/)**: It won’t be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose. **[Prince Humperdinck](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001697/)**: And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don’t mean to duplicate tonight. **[Westley](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000144/)**: I wasn’t finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right. **[Prince Humperdinck](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001697/)**: And then my ears, I understand let’s get on with it. **[Westley](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000144/)**: WRONG. Your ears you keep and I’ll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, “Dear God! What is that thing,” will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever. **[Prince Humperdinck](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001697/)**: I think you’re bluffing. **[Westley](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000144/)**: It’s possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It’s conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I’m only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again… perhaps I have the strength after all. [_slowly rises and points sword directly at the prince_] **[Westley](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000144/)**: DROP… YOUR… SWORD! ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/32 "2011-01-20T17:38:51Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > From the [Potsdam Declaration](http://www.ndl.go.jp/constitution/e/etc/c06.html)demanding the surrender of Japan in WWII DING! We have a winner! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/33 "2011-01-20T17:46:38Z")
> [@](#): > > This week, I have called the Armed Forces into action. One by one, we are eliminating power centers of a regime that harbors al Qaeda terrorists. We gave that regime a choice: Turn over the terrorists, or face your ruin. > > They chose unwisely. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/34 "2011-01-20T18:34:16Z")
“Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!” ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/35 "2011-01-20T19:23:56Z")
> [@What\_Exit](#): > > I love this pair: > > **[Inigo Montoya](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001597/)**: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. > **[Prince Humperdinck](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001697/)**: First things first, to the death. > **[Westley](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000144/)**: No. To the pain. > **[Prince Humperdinck](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001697/)**: I don’t think I’m quite familiar with that phrase. > **[Westley](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000144/)**: I’ll explain and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon. > **[Prince Humperdinck](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001697/)**: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me. > **[Westley](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000144/)**: It won’t be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose. > **[Prince Humperdinck](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001697/)**: And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don’t mean to duplicate tonight. > **[Westley](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000144/)**: I wasn’t finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right. > **[Prince Humperdinck](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001697/)**: And then my ears, I understand let’s get on with it. > **[Westley](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000144/)**: WRONG. Your ears you keep and I’ll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, “Dear God! What is that thing,” will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever. > **[Prince Humperdinck](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001697/)**: I think you’re bluffing. > **[Westley](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000144/)**: It’s possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It’s conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I’m only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again… perhaps I have the strength after all. > [_slowly rises and points sword directly at the prince_] > **[Westley](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000144/)**: DROP… YOUR… SWORD! Except this wasn’t a threat with backup, this was the opposite. Humperdink used the right word: bluffing. It was a successful bluff, but that doesn’t mean it was backed up. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/36 "2011-01-20T19:32:19Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > From real life: > > Ottoman Sultan Mehmet IV wrote a letter to Ivan Sirko, leader of the Zaporozhian Cossacks, demanding he submit: > Sirko’s reply: > Repin made a [painting about it](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Repin_Cossacks.jpg). You can just imagine them arguing over it, saying “add a few more fucks!” Them’s fightin’ words. 😃 I gotta admit, I like those Cossack bastards’ style. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/37 "2011-01-20T22:21:49Z")
> [@Keweenaw](#): > > When I read the thread title I thought of one of the Preacher comic one-shot specials where Jody makes this very threat. And then proceeds to carry it out later on in a literal fashion. This must be the issue -[The Good Old Boys](http://www.amazon.com/Preacher-special-good-old-boys/dp/B0006RPYA8) Not quite. Jody literally rips a man’s head off. But, it’s TC who shits down the neck of the fresh corpse. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/38 "2011-01-20T22:41:07Z")
“I’ll take away your bucket.” ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/39 "2011-01-20T23:06:14Z")
Sorry for the simulpost, but a totally badass one just came to mind. It’s from **Mad Men** , featuring the title character (whatsisname?) “negotiating” a business deal with his sometime mistress / sometime nemesis Bobbie Barrett. Definitely NSFW (and sorry about the ad, couldn’t find the clip without it. [Here.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOPXMzkq8EU) ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/40 "2011-01-20T23:16:45Z")
Liam Neeson, [Taken](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seRhXyoNrGI). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219.md?page=3)