# Totally kewlest threats-with-backup **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 19, 2011, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219 "2011-01-19T17:22:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2011, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/61 "2011-01-24T22:13:48Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > From an obscure Charlie Sheen movie called _Beyond the Law_ where he goes undercover as a biker, the end of [this scene](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5feAYiLPBA), at about 2:50. > > “I got an idea… let’s shoot each other. You go first.” Nice pull. That’s a very decent movie, if for no reason other than Linda Fiorentino was smoking hot every time she was on-screen. ---
**Author:** ![gravitycrash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gravitycrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gravitycrash)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/62 "2011-01-25T03:09:31Z")
“I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I’m all out of bubblegum.” - They Live ---
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/63 "2011-01-25T04:00:18Z")
An actual event I witnessed many years ago when I worked construction. We had a genuine bad-ass on the job. He was a fair sized man but not really what you would call big, perhaps 35 or so. I was his working buddy for a while. During that time several men came by to ask how I was getting along with him. This kind of confused me for a bit because he never did or said anything that suggested I should be wary of him. One morning his wife, who was also working on the job, came over to where we were and told him someone had said something to her. She’d basically told him to kiss off but he wouldn’t give it a rest. At lunch he went over to where the man was and said, “You shouldn’t have spoken that way to my wife.” The guy got pale and fell all over himself saying, “I’m sorry. I had no idea she was your wife. I’m really sorry.” He just looked at him for a moment and said, “I don’t accept apologies.” The other guy didn’t even wait to draw his check. ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/64 "2011-01-25T13:20:43Z")
> [@SandyHook](#): > > An actual event I witnessed many years ago when I worked construction. > > We had a genuine bad-ass on the job. He was a fair sized man but not really what you would call big, perhaps 35 or so. I was his working buddy for a while. During that time several men came by to ask how I was getting along with him. This kind of confused me for a bit because he never did or said anything that suggested I should be wary of him. > > One morning his wife, who was also working on the job, came over to where we were and told him someone had said something to her. She’d basically told him to kiss off but he wouldn’t give it a rest. > > At lunch he went over to where the man was and said, “You shouldn’t have spoken that way to my wife.” > > The guy got pale and fell all over himself saying, “I’m sorry. I had no idea she was your wife. I’m really sorry.” > He just looked at him for a moment and said, “I don’t accept apologies.” > > The other guy didn’t even wait to draw his check. And that man’s name? Chuck Norris.😃 ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/65 "2011-01-25T16:18:36Z")
Drugged but lethal threat from [Arnold.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFZtmF5aOU0) ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/66 "2011-01-25T17:16:24Z")
From real life: the Union Army of the Potomac’s most lopsided defeat had occurred at Fredericksburg, senselessly ordered to charge a strongly defended height strengthened by a stone wall. The beating they took there remained engraved in the army’s memory. Almost a year and half later, the Confederates, coming off a series of victories over that same Army of the Potomac, faced them at Gettysburg. The first day, the Confederates drove them back and chased them into a defensive position. The second day, the Confederates pressed them hard – both sides took massive casualties, and the Union line held only by dint of hard fighting. But the battle was not over. On the third day, Pickett’s Charge came across a mile of open ground. The Army of the Potomac troops watched this enormous oncoming force…these men had repeatedly beaten them, had just driven them back, killing them by the thousands, and now had pinned them in a desperate defense. But this time the Army of the Potomac had the high ground, and a low stone wall. Observers have described that, although nobody ordered it and nobody directed it, as the charge approached, a single word rose from thousands of throats in the Union lines…at first a murmur, then a chant: “Fredericksburg! Fredericksburg! _FREDERICKSBURG!_” And then they put the _lost_ in the Lost Cause. . ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/67 "2011-01-25T19:53:38Z")
Inigo Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. As posted earlier, but re-posted to point out that he had carried this desire since childhood, and did deliver on it. Great movie, great moment. ---
**Author:** ![holmes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e95f7d/32.png) [@holmes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/holmes)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/68 "2011-01-25T20:14:24Z")
“Did you ever pick your teeth up with broken fingers?” Stephen Rea in The Crying Game ---
**Author:** ![SecretaryofEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/69 "2011-01-25T23:26:16Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > From real life: > > Ottoman Sultan Mehmet IV wrote a letter to Ivan Sirko, leader of the Zaporozhian Cossacks, demanding he submit: > Sirko’s reply: > Repin made a [painting about it](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Repin_Cossacks.jpg). You can just imagine them arguing over it, saying “add a few more fucks!” > > * * * Ah that’s always been one of my favorite little stories from history. There needs to be a good movie made about the Cossacks. Weird, I couldn’t get it to quote. Oh well, here’s a link where people can read more about it. Just… because. > **[Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reply_of_the_Zaporozhian_Cossacks)** > > Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks is a painting by Russian realist artist Ilya Repin. It is also known as Cossacks of Saporog Are Drafting a Manifesto and Cossacks are Writing a Letter to the Turkish Sultan.\[a\] > Repin began painting the canvas in 1880 and finished in 1891. His study drawings he made in stanitsa Pashkovskaya (today within Krasnodar), Yekaterinoslav (today Dnipro), and Kachanivka. > He recorded the years of work along the lower edge of the canvas. Alexander III bought the paintin... ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/70 "2011-01-25T23:32:49Z")
I once read a novel (one of Frasier’s Flashman novels, perhaps) that put the following into the mouth of Abe Lincoln: “I’ve knocked out bigger men than you just by spitting teeth at 'em.” ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/71 "2011-01-25T23:34:58Z")
This is a very subtle threat, which is why I love it so much. From ST-NG From memory “And what would Chancellor Gauron receive in exchange for helping you?” “All we can offer is the Federation’s continuing friendship, respect and goodwill.” “I see, Picard. Well, I don’t think he’ll be able to-” “Of course, if Chancellor Gawron refuses, we can go to another Klingon noble- and then they will have our continuing friendship, respect, and goodwill.” ---
**Author:** ![steronz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steronz/32/11765_2.png) [@steronz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steronz)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/72 "2011-01-25T23:51:18Z")
From _Snatch_: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/Ivz4NA4zHzQ/hqdefault.jpg "Snatch - Desert Eagle .50") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ivz4NA4zHzQ) The threat is sort of implied, but the backup is not. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/73 "2011-01-26T00:15:59Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > I once read a novel (one of Frasier’s Flashman novels, perhaps) that put the following into the mouth of Abe Lincoln: > > “I’ve knocked out bigger men than you just by spitting teeth at 'em.” Something like that in _Flash for Freedom_, I believe. ---
**Author:** ![JSexton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/96bed5/32.png) [@JSexton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JSexton)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/74 "2011-01-26T02:06:50Z")
> [@Mach Tuck](#): > > Opposite of the thread title, and forgive me for not starting another thread, but there may not be enough material for it: > > What movie was is this? The main character is making a tremendous, wordy, bold threat to an array of enemies. However he pauses every so often to whisper urgently to his friend next to him, “Start the car!” > > I may have the details wrong, but I vaguely remember this scene as the biggest threat ever WITHOUT backup. This brings to mind Sallah in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Guy: Papers please? Sallah: Papers?? Of course…hahaha…run. Marcus: **mumbling** Sallah: Here…Egyption news..run. Marcus: Did you say… Sallah: RUN!! **punches guy** ---
**Author:** ![Atrael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Atrael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atrael)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/75 "2011-01-26T21:05:01Z")
There was a section in a Rober Asprin book “Phule’s Company” that I thought was great. I’ll quote it here, it’s a long quote, but since it’s a small part of an entire novel I don’t think it’ll be too much. > [@](#): > > I am the hotel manager. What seems to be the trouble, sir?" > > The commander squinted briefly at the manager’s brass name badge. > > “Yes, Mr. Bombast. My name is Willard Phule and I’d like to know who canceled my reservation for a hundred rooms.” > Safely out of the line of fire and sight, the desk clerk struggled to hide a smile. Phule had inadvertently hit upon the staff’s nickname for Bombest . . . Bombast . . . though, until now, no one had uttered it to his face. > > "That’s Bombest, sir . . . and I canceled that reservation myself. " > > “May I ask why?” > > “Certainly. I assumed there had been a typographical error on the part of whoever placed the reservation. It was done by computer rather than through our staff, and I’ve found that such errors are commonplace.” The manager gave a smug smile, which was not returned. “Realizing the cost of a hundred of our rooms for a period of several weeks would be, shall we say, prohibitive, and, not being sure if the actual request was for one or ten rooms, I canceled the reservation as a courtesy. At the time, > I felt we could accommodate you on site according to your actual needs.” > > “I see. I don’t suppose you bothered to run a check on the credit card number that accompanied the reservation?” > > “That is correct. As I said, the cost would be prohibitive.” > > Phule made a magician’s pass with his hand and dropped his credit card on the desk in front of the manager. > > “I think that should settle the question of prohibitive cost.” To Bombest’s credit, he neither gaped nor cringed at the sight of the card, but rather made a show of turning it over to examine the signature on the back. It was a Dilithium Express card, reserved for the ultra-rich in the galaxy and normally only used to expedite the buying and selling of companies. Despite his outward calm, the manager began to experience a vague niggle of fear that he had bitten off more than he could chew. > > “I see,” he said slowly. > > “And now that I’m on site, as you put it, shall we proceed with accommodating my needs? What I need is the hundred rooms I reserved . . . as you can see.” > > The commander indicated the now full lobby with a jerk of his head. > > Bombest was fully aware of the crowd. Since seeing the Dilithium Express card, he had been weighing the potential windfall of business against the horror of admitting a full company of Legionnaires to his domain. Realizing that his salary would not be affected one way or the other, he reached his decision. > > “I’m sorry, Mr. Phule. At this time, we don’t have enough rooms available to grant your request. If you’d like, I could assist you in finding other accommodations more . . . appropriate to your party.” > > The manager was fully prepared for the burst of anger that an announcement such as this invariably drew. He was, however, taken by surprise when Phule responded instead with a lazy smile. > > “I don’t want to argue with you on this, Bombast . . .” > > "Bombest. " > > ". . . since, you see, the same computer I used to place that reservation told me that of your hundred and fifty rooms, barely a dozen are currently occupied. Instead, I’ll point out that there are three possible solutions to our little impasse. First, I could bring a complaint against you and the hotel under the law which states you can’t refuse lodging to anyone on a basis of race, religion, sex, or occupation . . . but > that’s a lengthy, annoying process and doesn’t satisfy my immediate need for rooms. Second, you can start handing out the keys like a good fellow. Third . . . " > > The commander’s smile broadened slightly > > “. . . I can buy this hotel and have you replaced with someone who exercises better judgment when it comes to protecting the owner’s interests.” > > The casual reference to his legal vulnerabilities unnerved Bombest slightly, but he was also aware of the obvious lack of knowledge behind the third solution Phule had voiced, and rallied gamely behind that. > > “What I meant, sir, was that, due to the low occupancy you referenced, we are currently understaffed to accommodate a party of your size in the manner the Plaza is famous for, and, rather than tarnish that reputation, I would suggest you would be happier at another hotel. As to the possibility of your actually purchasing the Plaza”-the manager allowed himself a slight smile-“I’m afraid that’s a rather hollow threat. > You don’t seem to be aware that we are not singly owned, but a part of a chain of hotels, which is, in turn, owned by a rather large conglomerate. I doubt you could interest them in entering into negotiations over a single unit.” > > Phule shook his head in slow dismay. > > “Actually Bombast . . .” > > "Bombest. " > > “. . . I’m afraid it’s you that’s not fully aware of the situation. Your chain is owned by the Webber Combine, and Reggie Page is the CEO-that’s chief executive officer-at least until the next meeting of the board of directors, which happens to be in three weeks. Now, he’s in a spot because he’s already stretched the combine’s credit to the limit for their new resort complex on Parna II, and the contractors have just gone on strike. That’s the third disaster they’ve had in the last quarter, and if he doesn’t come up with some ready cash to buy them off fast, the whole project, not to mention his own job, will go down the toilet. That’s why I think he’d be interested if I offered to take this place off his hands.” > > Bombest could feel his forehead growing damp, but Phule wasn’t finished. > > "I want to point out, though, that my mentioning this option wasn’t a threat. Now, I could buy this place, but the paperwork involved would take at least twenty-four hours, which would mean that I’d have to move my people into another hotel until the deal was finalized. The problem there is that I’ve already told them that they’ll be staying here, and if I have to go back on that, if I get embarrassed in front of my new command because of your silly-ass games, then, after you’re fired, I’ll not only see to it that you never work on this planet again by purchasing any company you apply at, I’ll block your leaving even if it means buying up every seat on every outbound ship for the next year. > > That’s a threat. See the difference?" > > "Y-yes, sir. " ---
**Author:** ![Truman\_Burbank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@Truman\_Burbank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truman_Burbank)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2011, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/76 "2011-01-27T17:24:04Z")
Billy Jack: You know what I think I’m gonna do then? Just for the hell of it? Mr. Posner: Tell me. Billy Jack: I’m gonna take this right foot, and I’m gonna whop you on that side of your face… [points to Posner’s right cheek] Billy Jack: …and you wanna know something? There’s not a damn thing you’re gonna be able to do about it. Mr. Posner: Really? Billy Jack: Really. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/77 "2011-01-28T14:22:42Z")
In one of the Dirty Harry movies, Harry tells a bad guy to behave. The bad guy says something to the effect of “Who’s going to make me?” Harry says, “Oh, just me . . . and Smith . . . and Wesson.” ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/78 "2011-01-28T14:47:32Z")
tolkien has few good ones The Witch King > [@](#): > > “Come not between the Nazgul and his prey! Or he will not slay thee in thy turn. He will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness, where thy flesh shall be devoured, and thy shrivelled mind be left naked to the Lidless Eye.” Or Smaug > [@](#): > > "I kill where I wish and none dare resist. I laid low the warriors of old and their like is not in the world today. Then I was but young and tender. Now I am old and strong, strong, strong ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/79 "2011-01-28T15:04:49Z")
IRA man in _In the Name of the Father_: “We know where your family live.” ---
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/totally-kewlest-threats-with-backup/568219/80 "2011-01-28T19:25:45Z")
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