# Tottally off-beat answers to normal questions. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 7, 2006, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tottally-off-beat-answers-to-normal-questions/375630 "2006-10-07T19:06:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tottally-off-beat-answers-to-normal-questions/375630/81 "2006-10-11T14:13:47Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] Yes, and even before we got from “funny” to “smart-ass,” we went from “offbeat” (per the OP’s request) to “funny.” I think he was originally asking for head-scratchers, not knee-slappers. :dubious: [/QUOTE] So, you don’t think that the people giving smart-ass answers in this thread don’t think they’re funny when they do it, or are you just saying that the OP requested offbeat answers, into which category smart-ass answers might fall (with a generous audience)? ---
**Author:** ![Greebo\_Ogg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e19adc/32.png) [@Greebo\_Ogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greebo_Ogg)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tottally-off-beat-answers-to-normal-questions/375630/82 "2006-10-11T14:24:55Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] So, you don’t think that the people giving smart-ass answers in this thread don’t think they’re funny when they do it, or are you just saying that the OP requested offbeat answers, into which category smart-ass answers might fall (with a generous audience)? [/QUOTE] How did we go from “smart-ass” to “home hiv testing kits” in the Google adds? Google scares me… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tottally-off-beat-answers-to-normal-questions/375630/83 "2006-10-11T14:49:23Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] So, you don’t think that the people giving smart-ass answers in this thread don’t think they’re funny when they do it, or are you just saying that the OP requested offbeat answers, into which category smart-ass answers might fall (with a generous audience)? [/QUOTE] I just thought he was originally asking (and he’s welcome to step in and correct me) for responses that seemed totally off the wall and apropos of nothing. After a few responses, the answers seemed to be more along the lines of snappy comebacks (several of which have been pretty funny). That was all. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jet\_Jaguar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jet_jaguar/32/3562_2.png) [@Jet\_Jaguar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jet_Jaguar)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tottally-off-beat-answers-to-normal-questions/375630/84 "2006-10-11T16:52:12Z")
To the question “What’s Up?”, I often respond “It’s the inverse of the net local gravity vector.” Engineers think it’s funny. Others, not so much. Sometimes I’ll say “That way.” and point straight up. Sometimes someone will see me in my motorcycle gear and ask if I ride a motorcycle. Haven’t done it yet, but one of these days I intend on answering, in the best military air I can muster, “No ma’am, I’m a Power Ranger. I’m here to fight the forces of evil.” ---
**Author:** ![5que](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/3bc359/32.png) [@5que](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5que)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tottally-off-beat-answers-to-normal-questions/375630/85 "2006-10-11T19:34:10Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] Whenever I’m told to “Have a good day,” I usually answer: Too late. [/QUOTE] My cheerful answer back is, “No thanks, I have other plans!” Yes, I did steal this from someone (Robin Williams??) but can’t remember who. ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tottally-off-beat-answers-to-normal-questions/375630/86 "2006-10-12T01:06:35Z")
Goon Show (let us steal from the best). Masculine suave classy voice: “May I join you?” Spike Milligan voice (need I say more): “Why?” (long pause) “Am I coming apart?” ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tottally-off-beat-answers-to-normal-questions/375630/87 "2006-10-12T15:06:36Z")
My son - “Where’s Mom?” Me - “Mom ‘_who_’?” ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tottally-off-beat-answers-to-normal-questions/375630/88 "2006-10-12T15:51:58Z")
[QUOTE=AHunter3] I also went to school with a guy whose favored response to “How do you feel?” was “With my hands” [/QUOTE] My usual response is, “Well, I sort of stretch out my arms, and make squishing motions with my fingers.” I think I stole that from a Jim Henson bit. [QUOTE=Call me Frank] My uncle was in the hospital visiting his wife. There was a puddle somewhere in a hallway in which he slipped and fell. The hospital staff rushed to him and asked where he fell to which he replied “On my ass, that’s where I fell!” [/quote] Which brings us to one of the great offbeat answers of all time: “In the butt, Bob.” ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tottally-off-beat-answers-to-normal-questions/375630/89 "2006-10-12T16:30:53Z")
After gradustion day this past spring, a friend asked me “whatcha gonna do with your degree now hmm?” “Oh” I said “probably find a nice frame for it and hang it on the wall, why do you ask?” ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tottally-off-beat-answers-to-normal-questions/375630/90 "2006-10-12T18:25:59Z")
Back in college, there was one particular friend that I just loved to give smartass answers to. One day, not having been outside yet, he asked “What’s it like outside?” I told him “It’s really big, and there’s no ceiling.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tottally-off-beat-answers-to-normal-questions/375630.md?page=4)