# Tough blow \[gf leaves me and moves out all while I am gone from the house\]

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [November 7, 2015, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874 "2015-11-07T04:24:11Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 14

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**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\
**Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/261 "2015-11-11T03:22:20Z")

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I’d like to give my heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you who contributed their stories, well wishes and support in this thread. I wasn’t expecting such an outpouring, to be honest. It’s meant a lot.

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**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\
**Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/262 "2015-11-11T03:45:48Z")

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Most of us have had really shitty things happen. Not the unannounced, sudden physical disappearance of a loved one, but I do know how shitty that is. We should all be brothers and sisters when it comes to this kind of pain.

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**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\
**Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/263 "2015-11-11T10:50:52Z")

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> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> My fucking god, the similarities continue to mount. This one especially. “Pathologically non-confrontational” is the perfect description of her. She would rather put on a smile and say what she believed to be what I wanted to hear, simply to avoid a _possible_ negative reaction. In her mind, she was keeping things “calm and peaceful” (her understanding of those terms). However, she was often trying to keep the momentary peace at the expense of resolving whatever issue it was that I was trying to broach with her.
> 
> So she’d say everything was ok, even though everything _wasn’t_ ok, not really. But I never had a way to know this because she was so scared of what she imagined my reaction would be (back-handing her, for example) that she never told me her true feelings on certain matters. And on the many times where I knew that something was wrong, despite her claims otherwise, it was always nearly impossible to get the truth out of her.

This sort of “keeping the peace” is actually toxic and very unhealthy.

Ambivalid, I always thought you were the sort of guy who’d do best with a woman who would do something like “Hey, you know that thing X you did last night? That annoyed me, it’s kind of dick, could you not do that again?” and then move on with life. As long as she was OK with you doing the same with something that annoyed you. Someone not intimidated by you but not domineering.

Anyhow, sorry to hear about your recent trouble. About all I can say is that it sucks, but you’ll get better with some time.

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