# Tough blow \[gf leaves me and moves out all while I am gone from the house\] **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 7, 2015, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874 "2015-11-07T04:24:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/141 "2015-11-09T04:06:19Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > WRT “You’re abusive with your words” to “No I’m not, that’s just crazy” The answer usually lies somewhere in between arguments like these. > > I remember when I was married, my wife told me it was unacceptable to shout or call each other names. At the time, I thought that was crazy talk. Of course you’re going to shout and call each other names in the heat of the moment. It seemed perfectly normal to me. > > However, I begrudgingly agreed to her rules for arguing. I learned not to shout and call her names. It was surprisingly easy. And now, almost 20 years later, I can’t believe I ever thought that was actually okay to do. > > Anyway, sorry you’re going through all this **Ambi**. Time heals all wounds. Ok, I’ll amend my words a bit, I don’t think the gulf between “you’re abusive with your words” and “that’s crazy talk” was all that vast. I agree, it was somewhere in the middle. My point was that, to anyone other than this fragile, hypersensitive girl, no one would ever consider my behavior abusive. I wasn’t always the most pleasant, sunshine filled guy, but I was always decent inside. I live by my personal boundaries, and those are determined by my personal ethics. But that still doesn’t mean that my abuse wasn’t real to her. It was her reality, it was the only world she knew. So I can’t invalidate it from that perspective. But I also know that she was not healthy, mentally. So I have to consider all of these things when making decisions. ---
**Author:** ![Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boo_Boo_Foo)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/142 "2015-11-09T04:07:47Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Excuse me??? **Um, I need to report this post to a moderator because you are flat out lying now. There was never any PM sent by me to you. Bald faced lie. I’m calling you the fuck out right now. Post that shit.** Ambivalid, here’s another screenshot. Your wish is my command… [Screenshot showing PM from Ambivalid.](https://www.facebook.com/the.cycling.guru/photos/a.931149580263396.1073741827.929689197076101/1069296546448698/?type=3&theater) ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/143 "2015-11-09T04:10:03Z")
> [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](#): > > But how is any of that relevant? > > The key sentence in all of this, is this one… > > I’d like to echo what Renee said, and what I stated earlier… you dodged a bullet and the weird shit your girlfriend was exposing you too isn’t the middle of the bell curve, by the standards accepted by most “reasonable people”. The manner in which you process this is determined by how you look at it. If you choose to perceive yourself as a victim of profound unfairness? That’s your call. Or, alternatively, if you choose to perceive yourself as a guy who avoided years and years of manic depression hell on earth (as Laurence Olivier famously did while married to Vivien Leigh), then I reckon you’ll be on the path to peace within yourself waaaaaaaay quicker. > > Now as for your assertion you reckon you didn’t send me a PM? Cool, you sent me two actually. > > How do I post a screen shot? > > [https://www.facebook.com/the.cycling.guru/photos/a.931149580263396.1073741827.929689197076101/1069295103115509/?type=3&theater](https://www.facebook.com/the.cycling.guru/photos/a.931149580263396.1073741827.929689197076101/1069295103115509/?type=3&theater) Yeeeeaaaah, that links not showing what you’re thinking it’s showing. ETA: And I DON"T think I’m a victim. In all honesty, I do realize in all likelihood I avoided a much larger calamity farther down the road. I’m not sure where you got the victim mentality. People go thru difficult times. You’re human right? Have some fucking empathy. I’m not a victim. I’m just hurting. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Feldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lord_feldon/32/341_2.png) [@Lord\_Feldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Feldon)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/144 "2015-11-09T04:11:30Z")
> [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](#): > > [Screenshot showing PM from Ambivalid.](https://www.facebook.com/the.cycling.guru/photos/a.931149580263396.1073741827.929689197076101/1069296546448698/?type=3&theater) The user who sent the PM is the smaller black word, not the blue underlined word. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/145 "2015-11-09T04:12:26Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > \ > That said, I validated her concern that I had anger management problems. I am already in therapy, and I am considering anger-management therapy as well. Not because I think that I have abusive levels of anger, far from it. But because I don’t like the way I feel when the anger has control over me. I’m trying to take you at face value, but this is worrisome. This is just not what people who DON’T have anger management problems say. Nobody LIKES the way they feel when they get angry, but you describe a whole other thing. You should consider whether you’re minimizing, from your own perspective, your anger and how it could affect others, regardless of (or considering) their own mental issues. I do sincerely hope you feel better about things soon. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/146 "2015-11-09T04:12:30Z")
> [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](#): > > Ambivalid, here’s another screenshot. Your wish is my command… > > [Screenshot showing PM from Ambivalid.](https://www.facebook.com/the.cycling.guru/photos/a.931149580263396.1073741827.929689197076101/1069296546448698/?type=3&theater) That is a screenshot of a PM from someone named “Melbourne” with a subject of “Ambivalid”. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/147 "2015-11-09T04:13:37Z")
> [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](#): > > Ambivalid, here’s another screenshot. Your wish is my command… > > [Screenshot showing PM from Ambivalid.](https://www.facebook.com/the.cycling.guru/photos/a.931149580263396.1073741827.929689197076101/1069296546448698/?type=3&theater) I’m confused. Are you also **Melbourne**? ---
**Author:** ![Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boo_Boo_Foo)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/148 "2015-11-09T04:14:28Z")
Oh, sorry mate. I can see now the message was sent to me, about you, by a person called “Melbourne”. My bad. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/149 "2015-11-09T04:16:20Z")
> [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](#): > > Oh, sorry mate. I can see now the message was sent to me, about you, by a person called “Melbourne”. My bad. Will you please now leave me the fuck alone? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/150 "2015-11-09T04:17:07Z")
> [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](#): > > (1) The thread isn’t about you. > > (2) It’s rather vain to describe ourselves, or anything we’ve done, as brilliant. > > (3) Your opinion regarding your post is just that, an opinion. For the sake of variation, how about we let the OP make an assessment on my post instead of you, shall we? This post made my day. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/151 "2015-11-09T04:18:42Z")
> [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](#): > > All I’ll say is this, we choose our happiness’s in life, but we also choose our sadness’s. no we don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/152 "2015-11-09T04:19:09Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > I’m trying to take you at face value, but this is worrisome. This is just not what people who DON’T have anger management problems say. Nobody LIKES the way they feel when they get angry, but you describe a whole other thing. You should consider whether you’re minimizing, from your own perspective, your anger and how it could affect others, regardless of (or considering) their own mental issues. > > I do sincerely hope you feel better about things soon. Ok, but what am I minimizing? Honestly? I don’t like the way I feel when I get angry. But nothing has ever happened other than me feeling bad about myself because of this. And I never said I DIDN’T have anger management problems, I just said I don’t feel they were honestly very close to abusive anger. What exactly qualifies as “abusive anger”? ---
**Author:** ![splatterpunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3be4f8/32.png) [@splatterpunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/splatterpunk)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/153 "2015-11-09T04:20:08Z")
> [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](#): > > Oh, sorry mate. I can see now the message was sent to me, about you, by a person called “Melbourne”. My bad. Did you even bother to read the message? That should have provided a clue as to whether or not it was sent by **Ambivalid** , considering you were going to bow out of this thread until you received it. ---
**Author:** ![Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boo_Boo_Foo)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/154 "2015-11-09T04:21:35Z")
Back to the subject matter at hand… > [@needscoffee](#): > > I’m trying to take you at face value, but this is worrisome. This is just not what people who DON’T have anger management problems say. Nobody LIKES the way they feel when they get angry, but you describe a whole other thing. You should consider whether you’re minimizing, from your own perspective, your anger and how it could affect others, regardless of (or considering) their own mental issues. > > \ Yep, that is essentially what I’ve been driving at, albeit far far less elegantly. I referred earlier to the area of “impression management”. I’m detecting a propensity for a hair trigger temper, at least as demonstrated in this thread, with regards to any tone which fits the bill of being what the OP wants to hear. The manner in which his partner left suggests she was aware this is an issue, and she wished to avoid dealing with it. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/155 "2015-11-09T04:21:36Z")
You know, I like the dope. I tend to think that most people on are pretty normal, give them the benefit of the doubt. But then I read responses like Boo Boo Foo, and realize there’s a lot of non functioning chowder heads posting here. Sigh. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/156 "2015-11-09T04:23:27Z")
> [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](#): > > Oh, sorry mate. I can see now the message was sent to me, about you, by a person called “Melbourne”. My bad. Classic! Okay, this here is pretty funny. Maybe you can get a laugh out if it, **Ambivalid**. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/157 "2015-11-09T04:24:38Z")
> [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](#): > > Back to the subject matter at hand… > > Yep, that is essentially what I’ve been driving at, albeit far far less elegantly. I referred earlier to the area of “impression management”. I’m detecting a propensity for a hair trigger temper, at least as demonstrated in this thread, with regards to any tone which fits the bill of being what the OP wants to hear. The manner in which his partner left suggests she was aware this is an issue, and she wished to avoid dealing with it. Funny, I didn’t read anything like that from your posts. I managed to respond to **needscoffee** in a completely reasonable manner, because her post was completely reasonable. You could learn something from her. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/158 "2015-11-09T04:24:59Z")
Boo boo foo, your advice might be good in a couple of days, or weeks. Right now, ambivalid is still in shock and grieving over the loss of his relationship. Cut him some slack. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/159 "2015-11-09T04:26:13Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Boo boo foo, your advice might be good in a couple of days, or weeks. Right now, ambivalid is still in shock and grieving over the loss of his relationship. Cut him some slack. In all honesty, please tell me what advice of his might be good? It’s an honest question. He’s starting from a point of assumption which he will not be dissuaded from. There is no point engaging with people of this mindset. People are complicated. Relationships are so easy to dissect and understand from the perspective of words on a screen. I’m telling you, with no reason to be anything but honest, that the assumptions being made here are off-base. Not everything, and not in entirety, but it seems to be a trend to see things in black and white. When relationships are often very mixed and both people bring there own set of complications. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874/160 "2015-11-09T04:29:07Z")
> [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](#): > > Back to the subject matter at hand… > > Yep, that is essentially what I’ve been driving at, albeit far far less elegantly. I referred earlier to the area of “impression management”. I’m detecting a propensity for a hair trigger temper, at least as demonstrated in this thread, with regards to any tone which fits the bill of being what the OP wants to hear. The manner in which his partner left suggests she was aware this is an issue, and she wished to avoid dealing with it. You have demonstrated that you aren’t super good at reading or human interaction. I know practice is important, but maybe you could start with a different thread. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tough-blow-gf-leaves-me-and-moves-out-all-while-i-am-gone-from-the-house/736874.md?page=9)