# Toxic people and what to do about them? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 11, 2019, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toxic-people-and-what-to-do-about-them/844725 "2019-12-11T21:09:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Isosleepy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/isosleepy/32/479_2.png) [@Isosleepy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isosleepy)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2019, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toxic-people-and-what-to-do-about-them/844725/21 "2019-12-12T18:11:10Z")
Rule #1 in corporate survival: STFU. When asked directly about this person: “there’s no good answer to that question”. And then, for the love of all that’s holy, do not elaborate. Dealing with somewhat similar currently with someone in another part of the company, a level or two below me, being a fuckwit on conference calls. Borrowing from “Succession”, I tend to reply with “well, I have thoughts”, then changing the subject. Occasionally now there’s a giggle on the call from someone (not me) when this occurs. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2019, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toxic-people-and-what-to-do-about-them/844725/22 "2019-12-12T18:21:11Z")
I get it; the instinct to stay out of it, just put your head down and take care of your own business. I really do get it, it’s about survival, and there’s all sorts of horror stories about the people doing the complaining being the ones kicked to the curb, BUT: You do realize it’s _exactly_ this attitude that enables these people to continue behaving this way? You are, essentially, encouraging it by ignoring it. Even if it’s not affecting you, it’s still affecting you whether you realize it or not. People just looking the other way is what allowed these people to bullshit their way into middle management in the first place. Sorry, but if you don’t say anything and it continues to bother you, that’s on you. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2019, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toxic-people-and-what-to-do-about-them/844725/23 "2019-12-12T19:32:41Z")
> [@Isosleepy](#): > > Rule #1 in corporate survival: STFU. When asked directly about this person: “there’s no good answer to that question”. And then, for the love of all that’s holy, do not elaborate. It really depends on the corporate culture. At my company, a person who handled the situation like this would be considered kind of spineless and a different kind of toxic person. But you raise a good point, that the OP really needs to consider the company and management involved. What’s good advice for one place is terrible for another. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2019, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toxic-people-and-what-to-do-about-them/844725/24 "2019-12-12T19:54:45Z")
I think STFU is the wisest course of action right now. I don’t see how lighting fires is going to result in anything but a barn burner, with me trapped in it. Thanks for listening to me vent. ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2019, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toxic-people-and-what-to-do-about-them/844725/25 "2019-12-12T20:12:12Z")
One thing that might work for you. With one troublesome individual (a manager of a team I was creating documentation for) didn’t do the requested job, I set up a chart of what I sent to her for review and when they were due back to me and sent it to her. And I cc’d my boss on the message. I started getting responses for keeping my director in the loop. They were mostly excuses and then she ceased responding again. To prove I wasn’t the problem, my director handed half my work to another team member who immediately suffered the same problem.So, with the approval of my director, I included her director on the emails. Eventually, she was told to either designate someone to review and approve or give feedback or do it all within two weeks, or else. She sent back angry, minor, sometimes useless changes to prove that I was doing a bad job. But her director saw it and told her to designate someone to review or walk away. She designated and we got the job done. Sometimes that’s what it takes. Documentation is key. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2019, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toxic-people-and-what-to-do-about-them/844725/26 "2019-12-12T23:33:31Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > One mitigating factor in all this is that you know the guy is not right in the head. You understand that all this jackassery comes from very low self esteem, very high insecurity, very broken psychological profile that will probably be utterly crushed as a result. None of this is your problem. It’s been my experience as a nutter that getting crushed by reality is the only thing that prompts introspection and deliberate improvement. Most folks know their weaknesses, but some lack the courage to acknowledge them proactively. They need the universe to make the hard decisions for them, and even then the truly useless ones will blame the universe. Don’t shed a tear for this guy if/when he flames out. Be happy for him because he finally has the impetus to remake himself as a functioning human being. Also, post #2. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toxic-people-and-what-to-do-about-them/844725.md?page=1)