# Trans etiquette: how bad is this?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trans-etiquette-how-bad-is-this/789813>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [June 25, 2017, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trans-etiquette-how-bad-is-this/789813 "2017-06-25T05:54:57Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 1\
**Showing post:** 170

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**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\
**Post date:** [June 28, 2017, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trans-etiquette-how-bad-is-this/789813/170 "2017-06-28T14:02:58Z")

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> [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](#):
>
> “Oh, I knew your mother. She wished to her dying day she had aborted you, and held a secret, burning hatred for you. How about those cubs, eh?”
> 
> Ha ha, casual conversation. It’s funny because if I actually said something like this, you’d be socially, if not legally, justified in punching me in the face. Even if I knew your mother, even if I knew that to be true, even if it would be “denying” my previous history with her, her wishing she had aborted you does not qualify as casual conversation! It’s an intensely private, seriously _harmful_ matter. It’s not Orwellian to ask people to refrain from dredging up parts of your past that you’d rather forget, or which could lead to discrimination, and Orwell is rolling in his grave at the absurd misuse of the term. If this is Orwellian, then a traffic stop for a busted taillight where I pull over, get my ticket, and leave in two minutes is Kafkaesque.

Want to bet? My mother saying she wished had aborted me (which incidentally is true) is the example I use all the time to illustrate what psychological child abuse is. If Jane was worried about someone mentioning her past as John, she would have relocated after the transgendered surgery. The fact that she hasn’t, nor does there seem to be any indication she sees the matter as something she wants to forgot or tried to swear anyone to secrecy seems indicative that Jane is at least comfortable (as she should be) with the fact that she had transgendered surgery. Pretending like it was some disgraceful part of Jane’s past like some crime she has to conceal rather than a wise decision she made for her own well-being does her and other transgendered people more harm than good.

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