# Trans folks: is this a cis trope?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trans-folks-is-this-a-cis-trope/842310>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [October 26, 2019, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trans-folks-is-this-a-cis-trope/842310 "2019-10-26T05:43:38Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\
**Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trans-folks-is-this-a-cis-trope/842310/21 "2019-10-28T17:20:50Z")

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> [@Kobal2](#):
>
> rather than “my gender box feels like a constricting prison, the solution is to be in the \*other \* constricting gender box, try to perform to \*those \*stereotypes”…

That in fact isn’t how it goes. Making up a strawman like that is no substitute for actually understanding what it’s like.

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**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\
**Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trans-folks-is-this-a-cis-trope/842310/22 "2019-10-28T18:13:46Z")

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> [@Johanna](#):
>
> That in fact isn’t how it goes. Making up a strawman like that is no substitute for actually understanding what it’s like.

I’m really not trying to make up a strawman, and if I came across as disparaging or belittling I apologize as that was not my intent. That’s just how I boil down a lot of what I think I take away from concerns with passing and performing and so on, or the arguments of transmedicalists, or the angsts I heard binary trans voice… in my dumb guy head ; but I certainly don’t claim to be a luminary on “how it goes” or know what it’s \*really \*like - as I said in the ATMB thread my real-life connection to the trans community is more or less non-existent and all of my information comes from threads like this and youtube videos. And it’s not like accurately communicating a feeling or state of mind is particularly easy, is it ? 😉

That being said, I also don’t believe it particularly necessary to point-for-point grok things before opting not to be an imperious jerk at people or not demand they justify their existence before I treat them like human beings - much less insist I know better than them what they’re talking about.

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**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\
**Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trans-folks-is-this-a-cis-trope/842310/23 "2019-10-28T19:39:54Z")

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> [@Kobal2](#):
>
> …That being said, I also don’t believe it particularly necessary to point-for-point grok things before opting not to be an imperious jerk at people or not demand they justify their existence before I treat them like human beings - much less insist I know better than them what they’re talking about.

This. So much this.

I really don’t grok the whole trans thing. But I have a lot of non-binary and trans friends. I hang out with trans people every week. It’s really not very hard to just accept people however they present themselves. Yeah, sometimes I fumble pronouns. But mostly I get those right, and names are easy. “Don’t be a jerk” is excellent advice, and is all most people want.

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