That in fact isn’t how it goes. Making up a strawman like that is no substitute for actually understanding what it’s like.
I’m really not trying to make up a strawman, and if I came across as disparaging or belittling I apologize as that was not my intent. That’s just how I boil down a lot of what I think I take away from concerns with passing and performing and so on, or the arguments of transmedicalists, or the angsts I heard binary trans voice… in my dumb guy head ; but I certainly don’t claim to be a luminary on “how it goes” or know what it’s *really *like - as I said in the ATMB thread my real-life connection to the trans community is more or less non-existent and all of my information comes from threads like this and youtube videos. And it’s not like accurately communicating a feeling or state of mind is particularly easy, is it ? 
That being said, I also don’t believe it particularly necessary to point-for-point grok things before opting not to be an imperious jerk at people or not demand they justify their existence before I treat them like human beings - much less insist I know better than them what they’re talking about.
This. So much this.
I really don’t grok the whole trans thing. But I have a lot of non-binary and trans friends. I hang out with trans people every week. It’s really not very hard to just accept people however they present themselves. Yeah, sometimes I fumble pronouns. But mostly I get those right, and names are easy. “Don’t be a jerk” is excellent advice, and is all most people want.