# Trapped in the Closet: Please help me understand! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 9, 2007, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trapped-in-the-closet-please-help-me-understand/418577 "2007-09-09T16:06:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2007, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trapped-in-the-closet-please-help-me-understand/418577/21 "2007-09-09T21:25:46Z")
There’s **22** chapters, now? How frigging long is the whole deal, now? ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2007, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trapped-in-the-closet-please-help-me-understand/418577/22 "2007-09-09T21:30:30Z")
[QUOTE=Rysdad] You fuckers. I watched that heap of shit. Y’all owe me five minutes or so of life. Pay up. [/QUOTE] You only watched five minutes? Please tell me you at least started with Chapter 1. Because it would make no sense at all to jump into it on some random chapter, not knowing the characters or backstories. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2007, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trapped-in-the-closet-please-help-me-understand/418577/23 "2007-09-09T22:36:20Z")
[QUOTE=Big Bad Voodoo Lou] It’s absolutely hilarious, that’s why it’s a big deal. And R. Kelly helped matters by acting like the first 12 chapters were Shakespeare set to Mozart. (Seriously, if you ever watch the DVD with Chapters 1-12, watch them again with his brilliant and insightful “commentary” turned on.) Now that we have Chapters 13-22, it becomes painfully obvious he is finally in on the joke. [/QUOTE] I agree: the commentary track is one of the greatest works in the history of mankind, and your description of RK’s attitude–Shakespeare set to Mozart–is spot on: he thinks he’s a genius who invented storytelling. He even seems to think he invented rhyming. But Disc 2, which came out recently, includes no commentary–I nearly cried myself to sleep when I found out–and is too self-consciously funny. He seems to have figured out that people all over the world were laughing at him. Laughing _hard_. There are people who’ve rented it from me over and over again who’ve got the entire commentary track memorized (“See, the cliffhanger is that there is no cliffhanger”) and come in quoting lines from it. Truly a work of pure-camp genius. ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2007, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trapped-in-the-closet-please-help-me-understand/418577/24 "2007-09-09T22:43:19Z")
hehe “Here I am, quickly trying to put on my cloouuuoothes.” I also liked: “His phone get’s off, and then things get a little more interesting” They didn’t really, though. But this line kept me watching hopefully for 2 more minutes. ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2007, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trapped-in-the-closet-please-help-me-understand/418577/25 "2007-09-09T23:01:16Z")
[QUOTE=Big Bad Voodoo Lou] It’s absolutely hilarious, that’s why it’s a big deal. And R. Kelly helped matters by acting like the first 12 chapters were Shakespeare set to Mozart. (Seriously, if you ever watch the DVD with Chapters 1-12, watch them again with his brilliant and insightful “commentary” turned on.) Now that we have Chapters 13-22, it becomes painfully obvious he is finally in on the joke. And here’s a link for all of you fuddy-duddies to watch this modern-day epic for yourselves: [http://ifc.com/static/sections/kelly/trapped.html](http://ifc.com/static/sections/kelly/trapped.html) [/QUOTE] You’re right, this is hilarious! My favorite so far: “Nobody would have ever known that was a man. People would have bet their breath that it wasn’t gonna be a man, you know, but that’s what makes trapped in a closet trapped in a closet, you never know what’s gonna happen.” He seemingly forgot that the man said he was in the closet just before. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trapped-in-the-closet-please-help-me-understand/418577/26 "2007-09-10T01:43:01Z")
The first twelve chapters of _Trapped in the Closet_ were bizarre genius: unusual cliffhangers, wacky characters, and lyrics that have never before been heard in song (and hopefully never will be again.) The second set of ten, however, did not live up to the expectation, in my opinion: although some funny new characters were introduced (a stuttering pimp, a spaghetti-eating mobsters) and there is some glimmer of the wackiness of the original (three R. Kellys singing “Oh, shit” in harmony during a recap Chapter 12.5, “you’re crazier than a fish with titties”), the later parts of the saga resort to unusual measures: one late chapter ends with the old “it was all a dream” copout, and the final super-cliffhanger turns the thing into freakin’ _Rent_: Since the gay priest’s boyfriend has AIDS, and everybody slept with everybody else, rumor has it that _everybody’s_ got “the p-p-package!” I was also disappointed that Bridget and Big Man, two of the funniest and strangest characters, were only given cameo appearances. I guess once you introduce a midget stripper who shits his pants in fear during a fight, there’s no way you can top it. If R. Kelly ever gets on trial and ends up _not_ being arrested for having child pornography, one wonders if he will go back to the closet, and look into the closet, and take things out of the closet, and construct from the closet, and make more _Trapped in the Closet_…_the Closet_…_the Closet_… ---
**Author:** ![H3Knuckles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@H3Knuckles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/H3Knuckles)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trapped-in-the-closet-please-help-me-understand/418577/27 "2007-09-10T02:04:32Z")
In describing his magnum opus, didn’t R. Kelly claim to coin the term “hip-hopera?” Yeah, I never liked R. Kelly’s music, so maybe I’m biased, but I thought it was pretty ridiculous when I first heard about it. I’m surprised more dopers aren’t familiar with this abortion of taste. ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trapped-in-the-closet-please-help-me-understand/418577/28 "2007-09-10T02:05:08Z")
The reason it’s such a big deal is that R. Kelly has, up to this point, been a Serious Grammy-Winning R&B Singer with an ego to boot; Kelly’s always fancied himself a sort of modern Marvin Gaye. But he became a walking punchline after the whole child sex video scandal and the accompanying “piss on you” Chappelle skit, and he seems to have embraced it with first “Trapped in the Closet” and more recently [“The zoo”](http://www.metrolyrics.com/the-zoo-lyrics-r-kelly.html), with lyrics like > [@R. Kelly](#): > > Girl, I got you so wet > It’s like a rain forest > Like Jurassic Park > Except I’m your sex-a-saurus baby ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trapped-in-the-closet-please-help-me-understand/418577/29 "2007-09-10T02:06:19Z")
[QUOTE=H3Knuckles] In describing his magnum opus, didn’t R. Kelly claim to coin the term “hip-hopera?” [/QUOTE] I recall the term being used a few years ago, when MTV produced an modern-day adaptation of the opera _Carmen_, with Beyonce Knowles and Mos Def. It was billed as _Carmen: A Hip-Hopera_ long before “Trapped in the Closet.” ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trapped-in-the-closet-please-help-me-understand/418577/30 "2007-09-10T02:33:22Z")
[QUOTE=VCO3] The reason it’s such a big deal is that R. Kelly has, up to this point, been a Serious Grammy-Winning R&B Singer with an ego to boot; Kelly’s always fancied himself a sort of modern Marvin Gaye. But he became a walking punchline after the whole child sex video scandal and the accompanying “piss on you” Chappelle skit, and he seems to have embraced it with first “Trapped in the Closet” and more recently [“The zoo”](http://www.metrolyrics.com/the-zoo-lyrics-r-kelly.html), with lyrics like [QUOTE=R. Kelly] Girl, I got you so wet It’s like a rain forest Like Jurassic Park Except I’m your sex-a-saurus baby [/QUOTE] [/QUOTE] Well, to be fair . . . [QUOTE=Marvin Gay] . . . . . Come on baby, let’s go peace loving And check out this new smoke Naw this thing I got it aint classified as dope Smoke I got from venus Have had it all week Its getting old Come on and try this new thing with me baby Too cold Come on now baby lets take off clean Get in this sin machine And rock it Rock it Rock it Rock it Hey little baby let’s magnetize Magnets makes the love rise Baby oooh sugar Lets get some more Why do i feel like I’ve been with you before Shoot me baby With the creator . . . . . [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trapped-in-the-closet-please-help-me-understand/418577/31 "2007-09-10T02:35:47Z")
[QUOTE=lissener] Marvin Gay [/QUOTE] You can hypothesize about his sexual preference on your own time. It’s Marvin _Gaye_. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trapped-in-the-closet-please-help-me-understand/418577/32 "2007-09-10T03:21:19Z")
[QUOTE=mobo85] _South Park_ had a very famous episode by this title satirizing Tom Cruise, Scientology, and yes, R. Kelly’s magnum opus. [/QUOTE] Yes. Great episode, too. ---
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trapped-in-the-closet-please-help-me-understand/418577/33 "2007-09-10T03:46:26Z")
[QUOTE=Stranger On A Train] I been saying it for years; rap and hip-hop are just the new Beat Poetry, complete with obscure inanity and laughable claims that it has some kind of thematic depth that escapes the ordinary listerner. What a load of crap. Stranger [/QUOTE] Are you serious? “Trapped in the Closet”, as in one song that is not either rap or hip-hop, has proved to you that both these genres have no thematic depth? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trapped-in-the-closet-please-help-me-understand/418577.md?page=1)