# Treated differently after losing weight. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 18, 2014, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587 "2014-02-18T02:47:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/21 "2014-02-18T19:02:07Z")
> [@yellowjacketcoder](#): > > Do you think people should ignore appearances when choosing who to attempt to make friends with? Because I don’t, and I _have_ radically changed my appearance at times. Could you explain this more? I can completely understand taking appearances into account when deciding on who to pursue romantically, but it seems strange for me in regards to friendship. ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/22 "2014-02-18T20:13:23Z")
> [@Sam\_Lowry](#): > > Could you explain this more? I can completely understand taking appearances into account when deciding on who to pursue romantically, but it seems strange for me in regards to friendship. We evaluate everyone on their appearance. An obvious example might be person A in dreads, tie-dye, flip-flops, with a peace sign necklace and patchouli perfume eating lunch at an outdoor cafe. In walks person B, wearing birkenstocks, a save the planet tshirt, a hemp necklace, and a flower in his hair. Next walks in person C, wearing black dress shoes, black dress pants, black leather belt, white button-up, black suit, navy blue tie. Do you think A is going to evaluate B or C as a better choice for conversation and possibly friendship? Now replace person A with someone wearing running shorts and a running shirt, person B with someone in biking pants and a helmet, and person C as someone 50 pounds overweight. Does the B or C answer change? Weight is part of appearance, and we take appearance into account when choosing friends, lovers, and even business partners. We probably should not judge people on immutable characteristics, but weight is not one of those. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/23 "2014-02-18T20:28:23Z")
> [@yellowjacketcoder](#): > > Do you think people should ignore appearances when choosing who to attempt to make friends with? Because I don’t, and I _have_ radically changed my appearance at times. Why would looks be a factor in choosing my friends? You either like somebody and get along with them or you don’t. I have a lot of friends, fat and thin, tall and short, rich and poor, black and white, ghetto and WASP, liberal and conservative, devout and atheist, barely finished high school and rocket scientist. They are my friends, we get along, we have fun together, we have each others backs. Their looks have nothing to do with it. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/24 "2014-02-18T20:41:56Z")
> [@yellowjacketcoder](#): > > We evaluate everyone on their appearance. > > An obvious example might be person A in dreads, tie-dye, flip-flops, with a peace sign necklace and patchouli perfume eating lunch at an outdoor cafe. In walks person B, wearing birkenstocks, a save the planet tshirt, a hemp necklace, and a flower in his hair. Next walks in person C, wearing black dress shoes, black dress pants, black leather belt, white button-up, black suit, navy blue tie. Do you think A is going to evaluate B or C as a better choice for conversation and possibly friendship? > > Now replace person A with someone wearing running shorts and a running shirt, person B with someone in biking pants and a helmet, and person C as someone 50 pounds overweight. Does the B or C answer change? Sorry, **coder** , but I for one can’t relate to that at all. I have friends from both of your A, B and C scenarios. Even in high school I didn’t fit into any clique. I had friends who were jocks, dopers, geeks, nerds, big, small, pimply and smooth. I’ll freely admit to being very particular about who I dated, but friendship is, and always has been, open to anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/25 "2014-02-18T20:49:35Z")
> [@Sahirrnee](#): > > They were free to like her all they wanted, they were free to be her friend and to be nice to her. However to virtually ignore her until she lost weight and then ask her out? Maybe you have to have been in that position to understand how it feels. So, they were supposed to ask her out when they thought she was unattractive? ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/26 "2014-02-18T20:56:27Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > Sorry, **coder** , but I for one can’t relate to that at all. I have friends from both of your A, B and C scenarios. Even in high school I didn’t fit into any clique. I had friends who were jocks, dopers, geeks, nerds, big, small, pimply and smooth. I’ll freely admit to being very particular about who I dated, but friendship is, and always has been, open to anyone. I have friends from all those scenarios too, but I think all people gravitate towards friendship with people that are similar to them on some level, and since nobody can interview everyone they meet to see if there’s anything there, we all use appearance as a shortcut to whether we should put effort into social interaction with someone. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/27 "2014-02-18T21:34:42Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > He can’t - they’re invisible. Oh right. I am slow. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/28 "2014-02-18T21:43:25Z")
> [@Sahirrnee](#): > > Years ago a woman I worked with, who also became a friend, lost 40 pounds. People at work noticed and a few of the guy who had ignored her before asked her out. She was really hurt and offended that now they thought she was good enough to ask out. > > I told her to tell them that if they thought she wasn’t good enough for them 40 pounds ago, they aren’t good enough for her now. I’m with her (and you) on this one - aside from how she was too fat for them before, how is she supposed to date someone who will be gone the second she gains five pounds? These guys have proven themselves to be shallow - when someone shows you who they are, it’s up to you to believe it. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/29 "2014-02-18T21:46:45Z")
What, should we all be wearing fat suits in some sort of weird lifelong shallow hal test? How does sahirnee’s friend know if the men who ask her out now will still be there if she gains 5 pounds? ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/30 "2014-02-18T22:52:46Z")
I’ve lost 30kg and I agree there’s a big difference in how I’m being treated now (factoring in my age which is against me, 'cos being a post-menopausal woman makes a person invisible as well). My colleagues don’t treat me any differently but sales staff definitely do. That said, wearing nicer clothes and having makeup on also gets me treated better than wearing jeans and a t-shirt, with a bare face. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2014, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/31 "2014-02-18T23:05:19Z")
Eons ago when I was young and single, I noticed that when I dropped a lot of weight, I had a lot of married men hitting on me. It pissed me off. It also led me to regain much of what I’d lost, which pissed me off even more. Shallow jerks. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2014, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/32 "2014-02-19T00:10:04Z")
> [@yellowjacketcoder](#): > > Weight is part of appearance, and we take appearance into account when choosing friends, lovers, and even business partners. **We probably should not judge people on immutable characteristics, but weight is not one of those.** “We” judge people on immutable characteristics all the time. How many females who have posted to this thread would date a male who is shorter than you? ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2014, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/33 "2014-02-19T00:27:51Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Congratulations on the weight loss, **Floaty**! Thank you! It’s been bloody hard bloody work. I can understand men treating a woman differently if they are attracted to them. But coworkers? My boss? Losing weight did not make me better at my job. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2014, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/34 "2014-02-19T00:52:13Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Eons ago when I was young and single, I noticed that when I dropped a lot of weight, I had a lot of married men hitting on me. It pissed me off. It also led me to regain much of what I’d lost, which pissed me off even more. Shallow jerks. :mad: That has to be the strangest reason for weight gain I’ve ever heard. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2014, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/35 "2014-02-19T01:23:19Z")
Duh. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2014, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/36 "2014-02-19T01:26:10Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Do you not stop for fat people in crosswalks? Ha! I don’t _consciously_ fail to stop for them, but the OP made me realize there is a chance I’m doing something like this _unconsciously_, so I’ll try to pay more attention to myself. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2014, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/37 "2014-02-19T01:28:24Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > Thank you! It’s been bloody hard bloody work. > > I can understand men treating a woman differently if they are attracted to them. But coworkers? My boss? Losing weight did not make me better at my job. Are you a woman? If so, I’d assume women get treated better than men when they lose weight. I used to be about 50 pounds thinner than I am now and didn’t notice any difference. I think people who know you (coworkers, bosses, etc) are excited for your weight loss and have more respect for you since everyone knows it is an accomplishment to lose that much weight. I assume they’d treat you better if you just had a kid or had some other accomplishment. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2014, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/38 "2014-02-19T01:32:54Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > Thank you! It’s been bloody hard bloody work. > > I can understand men treating a woman differently if they are attracted to them. But coworkers? My boss? Losing weight did not make me better at my job. You get back what you project. You may not realize that you’re projecting more confidence and self respect, but I’d almost bet that if you asked someone, they’d say that there’s something different about you aside from the weight loss that they can’t really put their finger on. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2014, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/39 "2014-02-19T01:39:27Z")
Have you considered that they are all seeking a way to manifest encouragement for your Herculean effort? That maybe they appreciate how hard it must be to make the changes you’ve made? And most people, who get into better shape, hold their heads a little higher, look people in the eye more, etc. People may be responding to those subtle changes as well. Keep up the great work and congratulations! ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2014, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587/40 "2014-02-19T01:45:53Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Are you a woman? Yes > [@Chefguy](#): > > You get back what you project. You may not realize that you’re projecting more confidence and self respect, but I’d almost bet that if you asked someone, they’d say that there’s something different about you aside from the weight loss that they can’t really put their finger on. > [@elbows](#): > > Have you considered that they are all seeking a way to manifest encouragement for your Herculean effort? That maybe they appreciate how hard it must be to make the changes you’ve made? And most people, who get into better shape, hold their heads a little higher, look people in the eye more, etc. People may be responding to those subtle changes as well. > > Keep up the great work and congratulations! I’m sure it’s possible that I project more confidence. I know I feel very different inside. I don’t feel like I’m all hot now or whatever, I just feel normal. I can’t actually believe that I did it to be honest. I can’t believe that I had the strength to this. It’s shown me that I’m a lot stronger than I thought. I worry that once I hit my goal weight that I won’t be happy with it and will keep trying to lose more. I’m hoping that I can be happy with how I look rather than with a number on the scale. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treated-differently-after-losing-weight/681587.md?page=3)