# Treis, no means no. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 13, 2013, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556 "2013-04-13T01:07:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/1 "2013-04-13T01:07:05Z")
Shit, I’ve never pitted anyone before, so if my pit sucks, screw you! In this [eight page train wreck](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=687837), I relayed a tale of someone not respecting boundaries and behaving like a generally shitty human being. Long story short, I went on a date with someone who was fine, but there was no connection. Living in the Midwest and all, the weather was terrible that night, it rained like fucking mad when it was time to go home, and no way are you going to be able to fetch a cab where we were. So considering he was nice and had no umbrella, and that we were two shakes from my apt, I say he can call a cab and wait in my apt for it to show instead of standing in a downpour. Now this not being my first rodeo, I know that guys assume an invite up means good times, so I point out while that is generally the case, there will be NO fuckery of any kind, I’m not interested at all, and just don’t want to make him stand in the rain for 15 min without an umbrella. Call your cab, wait for it in a dry place, then get out. He says he gets it, no problema, and is grateful that I was nice about it. So the guy turned out to be a cunt with boundary issues and kept trying to pull shit the moment he got inside. Lame. Fuck me for being nice, I guess. Lesson learned. So there were a lot of stupid responses to this thread, my favorite of which was “If we legalize hookers, guys won’t be so pushy.” The most pit-worthingly fucktarded was a guy, treis, saying straight up that ANY time a woman lets you inside of her apartment – not generally so; I mean ANY time no matter what with ZERO exceptions, no matter what is said and made clear beforehand – that is a tacit invitation to have sex. Seriously, no matter what. Even if it’s fucking pouring and you tell him no funny business, you know how this goes, but you just don’t want the guy to get soaked, that’s woman code for “penis time.” You just cannot believe bitches when they say no! Once you open that door, it’s business time! Part of me wants to be mad about this kind of rapey horse shit, but the rest of me realizes anyone this spectacularly dumb and useless has never seen the inside of a woman’s apartment anyway, so no harm no foul. But I can’t call people dumb shits in MPSIMS, so I’m transferring it here. Treis, here’s to never getting laid for the rest of your life. Cheers! ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/2 "2013-04-13T01:31:22Z")
Some cites, because no one wants to read through that bullshit. In [this post](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16186032&postcount=170), he says I was sending “mixed signals.” Because in his mind, _no matter what a woman says,_ and how clear it is she isn’t interested, extending a courtesy = a signal of wanting your cock. He knows this because he watches shitty sitcoms! Cite: > [@Guys, Y U no listen?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/139): > > To paraphrase Robin from How I Met Your Mother: “A Lady invents a respectable excuse to invite a man over when she wants to get stuck real good. It’s called class”. Her complaint is essentially “I sent mixed signals and a guy got the wrong idea”. _YAWN_ Bonus points for taking every joke from a sitcom literally and basing his interactions with other people in non-scripted real life of it. But wait, it gets stupider! Troppus (and others) very patiently explain to him that being nice to someone isn’t a green light to try to force your paws on her, he still insists that there were “mixed signals” bit. No. Showing zero signs of interest and flat out explaining that the one thing that might look like one is not in painfully clear detail isn’t “mixed signals.” That’s inventing signals in your head because you want one. In his crazy mind, if you’re nice to someone, even if you’re rejecting him, those are “mixed signals.” But this, [this bullshit right here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16188916&postcount=363), is my favorite. He actually said, straight up: > [@Guys, Y U no listen?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/364): > > No, clearly an invitation up to a girl’s apartment on a flimsy excuse + an explicit prohibition on sex = she wants to fool around a bit. Explicit prohibition on sex = she wants to fool around a bit. !!! WTF? ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/3 "2013-04-13T01:33:31Z")
Perhaps Treis is more, je ne se quois, looking for a managè a tois more often than not? ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/4 "2013-04-13T01:34:03Z")
Well, too many responses in your other thread for my background noise to get noticed. All I can say is that I don’t know any guys, present company included, who would have behaved in such a manner. Seriously, I probably would have been glad that you provided the ground rules ahead of time. It would have been less worrying for me, and performing on a first date would have been very uncomfortable anyway. We’re not all assholes. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/5 "2013-04-13T01:35:25Z")
[Quality post](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16186004&postcount=164): > [@Guys, Y U no listen?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-y-u-no-listen/655424/165): > > any bitch who don’t taser me is askin’ fer it, i reckin Because that’s apparently how it is in the treisverse. I feel like a jackass for having spent this much time creating a new thread coughing up cites for my complaints, but you know… ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/6 "2013-04-13T01:37:25Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Explicit prohibition on sex = she wants to fool around a bit. !!! WTF? You’re forgetting your flimsy excuse! You know - you not wanting somebody to have to stand out in the rain for 15 minutes. Shhyeah, like anybody is going to buy that howler. _Nobody_ could be that reasonable. Obviously just one of the many, many games you women are playing on poor, addled, pussy-starved men. How can you even live with yourself ;)? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/7 "2013-04-13T01:39:20Z")
Oh right! The flimsy excuse! What was I thinking? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![redtail23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@redtail23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/redtail23)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/8 "2013-04-13T01:42:28Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Fuck me for being nice, I guess. Well, no, that’s exactly the problem, isn’t it, now? 😛 The funny thing about that thread, **Leaffan** , is that the only people dogging on all men were idiots of the male persuasion. The women and normal men totally got the point that MOL was bitching about this one dude who turned out to be a jerk. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/9 "2013-04-13T01:42:35Z")
A pitting? Could you make any _more obvious_ you’re jonesin’ for \*\*Treis \*\*cock? ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/10 "2013-04-13T01:42:43Z")
Hey, this is awesome! **treis** , you’re doing a great job trying to get clueless, inexperienced men reading that thread put in jail for sexual assault. But I can’t seem to get the usual suspects to represent. What’s the MRA signal? Do I wave panties on a stick? Brandish pepper spray? Declare all men pigs? ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/11 "2013-04-13T01:42:51Z")
I hope you do realize that now that you’ve invited him into the Pit, you owe him at less a handy. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/12 "2013-04-13T01:44:51Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > I hope you do realize that now that you’ve invited him into the Pit, you owe him at less a handy. Ah, hell. Which one? ---
**Author:** ![StaudtCJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@StaudtCJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StaudtCJ)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/13 "2013-04-13T01:46:20Z")
Goodness gracious. The fact that anyone can still believe that whether a woman says no or not, some other non-related thing means that she really means yes scares me to death. I’ve heard similar things said about short skirts, smiling at a guy, and literally flipping one’s hair. Rape culture sucks. I’m sorry that guy got pushy at you, and I’m glad that you came out of the encounter intact. That guy sounds horrible, and he should be required to attend education on the realities of interpersonal relationships, respect, and boundaries. When I’m queen of the universe, it’s going to be a required course for graduation from kindergarten. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/14 "2013-04-13T01:56:09Z")
> [@StaudtCJ](#): > > That guy sounds horrible, and he should be required to attend education on the realities of interpersonal relationships, respect, and boundaries. When I’m queen of the universe, it’s going to be a required course for graduation from kindergarten. Thank you! Do we elect queens? If so, I’ll vote for you. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/15 "2013-04-13T02:00:39Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Oh right! The flimsy excuse! What was I thinking? :smack: I mean, duh, you **claim** to be a mean old lady, but you don’t force him to stand outside in the rain waiting for a cab? WTF. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/16 "2013-04-13T02:03:06Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Thank you! Do we elect queens? If so, I’ll vote for you. I think we’re supposed to throw swords at them from the middle of lakes. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/17 "2013-04-13T02:07:11Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > So there were a lot of stupid responses to this thread, my favorite of which was “If we legalize hookers, guys won’t be so pushy.” ! I backed it up with a cite, here: PRO: “It is estimated that if prostitution were legalized in the United States, the rape rate would decrease by roughly 25% for a decrease of approximately 25,000 rapes per year…” Kirby R. Cundiff, PhD Associate Professor of Finance at Northeastern State University “Prostitution and Sex Crimes” Apr. 8, 2004 ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/18 "2013-04-13T02:11:46Z")
Hello **MOL**! I read your original post and felt that you handled the situation correctly. You gave the rules up front. When the event didn’t follow the rules, you presented a “no” at the first violation. I was entertained by the replies. I found it hard to believe that people would disagree with how you handled the situation. But that is the beauty of this **MB**. You get to hear the other side. It may not be valid, but it is surely entertaining. Hope you enjoy your first pitting. By the way, I only made it through the first page of your original thread. Probably will see less of this one. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/19 "2013-04-13T02:11:52Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > I backed it up with a cite, here: > PRO: “It is estimated that if prostitution were legalized in the United States, the rape rate would decrease by roughly 25% for a decrease of approximately 25,000 rapes per year…” > > Kirby R. Cundiff, PhD > Associate Professor of Finance at Northeastern State University > “Prostitution and Sex Crimes” > Apr. 8, 2004 As far as I can tell, that wasn’t published in a peer-reviewed journal, which doesn’t speak well to its general veracity, scientific method, thoroughness, etc. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2013, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/20 "2013-04-13T02:13:47Z")
> [@Locrian](#): > > Perhaps Treis is more, je ne se quois, looking for a managè a tois more often than not? I presume you were referring to _ménage à trois_ (I didn’t feel comfortable correcting your spelling inside the quote tags, because, rules). Now that that’s out of the way: I haven’t read the thread in question, but from the descriptions above, I’m thinking he has a difficult time putting together a _ménage à deux_. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556.md?page=2)