# Treis, no means no.

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [April 13, 2013, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556 "2013-04-13T01:07:05Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 1\
**Showing post:** 466

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**Author:** ![treis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@treis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/treis)\
**Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/treis-no-means-no/655556/466 "2013-04-16T00:34:18Z")

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> [@WhyNot](#):
>
> How about, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push. Of course, if you don’t want to, that’s fine. Take all the time you need, beautiful. I’ll wait for you. Do you want to talk about it?”
> 
> That way, you’re not thinking for her, you’re not deciding for her, you’re not pressuring or cajoling her. You’re treating her like an adult human being in control of her own body and mind.
> 
> And \*that \*kind of response, more often than not, will give her the sense of respect and safety she needs to jump your bones with real hot enthusiastic consent. Just sayin’.

I’m not disagreeing with you. Because, as you may or may not recall, that’s what I did. But at this point the conversation moves from “Are you an asshole if you gently push?” to “Will gently pushing lead to the best outcome?”.

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