# Trek Dopers, what would you include in an R rated Star Trek? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 27, 2003, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156 "2003-01-27T03:30:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/1 "2003-01-27T03:30:49Z")
How about letting Worf go beserker on people? That would be nice. Or Picard becomming inexplicably foul mouthed? _“Make it fucking so, you bastard twit helmsman!”_ Vulcanian full frontal nudity? (special _TOS_ word there, you know?) What else on a Vulcan is pointy? Hmmm… mix and match series. Sisco and Chacotay street fight it out to the death on a slum world ruined by _Enterprise_ era anti-prime directivites. Bones performs a _CSI_ style autopsy on aliens who aren’t quite dead yet. Well, you get the idea. Serious or frivolous, just give me my Trek Dope fix! NOW! ---
**Author:** ![Torgo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@Torgo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Torgo)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/2 "2003-01-27T03:41:17Z")
I’d have Troi and Dr. Crusher going at it in one room, Wesley and Riker doing the nasty in another and Data banging the warp drive. ---
**Author:** ![Sejal\_Traurig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Sejal\_Traurig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sejal_Traurig)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/3 "2003-01-27T03:47:48Z")
I’d love to see Worf going berserk on a room full of baddies… Not this nearly gleeful rage that we’ve seen, but a primal fury that trascends rational thought… The sort that he finds difficult to end of his own volition perhaps even to the point of harming one of his own crewmen before the epic internal struggle is brought under control. THEN I would believe his is part Klingon… ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/4 "2003-01-27T03:47:50Z")
Ezri experiencing the Zhian’tara while Odo’s on board visiting Kira. Odo will, of course, have better shape shifting abilities after spending time with his people and will play the role of Jadzia. Unbeknownst to the two, some Betazoid goes through the Phase and somehow forces her quadrupled sex drive on the current and former Dax hosts. 😃 Yeah, I need a life. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/5 "2003-01-27T03:51:24Z")
Let’s see a phaser blasting a bloody, boiling hole through somebody’s body, rather than _leaving NO mark at all_ (that’s an early TNG thing, mostly). ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/6 "2003-01-27T03:54:30Z")
What? Was _Conspiracy_ not good enough for you, SPOOFE? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/7 "2003-01-27T03:57:36Z")
Decon done in the nude, with at least three people involved. And it quickly gets out of hand. Porthos mauls a would-be attacker to death. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/8 "2003-01-27T04:14:42Z")
How about Riker & Troi’s nude wedding? With most of the camera time given to Troi, of course 😃 **Torgo:** IIRC, we did see Data naked in the episode where he gets kidnapped. He ain’t got nothing down there. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/9 "2003-01-27T04:15:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > **How about letting Worf go beserker on people? That would be nice.** A _real_ day-in-the-life of the Klingon fleet – where heads roll and guts spill out _for real_. \*\* > [@](#): > > Vulcanian full frontal nudity? (special _TOS_ word there, you know?) What else on a Vulcan is pointy? > \*\* Ah… no, my friend… the question is whether in Vulcanis, people’s naughty bits are _green!_ Others: The oft-mentioned but never seen Orion Traders homeworld – raw, gritty, with much broken-bottle-to-the-face street violence and beaucoup green slavegirls being “broken” for market. Historical/trip-to-the-past episode where they travel to Vulcan pre-Surak or Q’onos pre-Kahless and we get to see how really, really, really bad things were in Vulcan and how really _worse_ were the Klingons doing. Wesley accidentally beamed into Klingon warship’s women’s quarters Full-ceremony Betazed wedding Exactly what was Barclay doing in the holodeck with the “Goddess of Empathy” Sim-Troi. Oh, and of course: Fully-shown _Enterprise_-era decontamination rubdowns for T’Pol and Hoshi. Frequent and thorough. And preferably administering it to one another. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/10 "2003-01-27T04:18:20Z")
Many of these replies had better be jokes, or I’ll be extremely worried. Having said that: Zero-gravity Seven of Nine. ---
**Author:** ![August](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d26b3c/32.png) [@August](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/11 "2003-01-27T04:25:30Z")
The Holo-deck would go the same way as the internet. Started out as tool for learning but got taken over by porn, spam, photoshoped pictures, jokes etc… ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/12 "2003-01-27T04:30:12Z")
I just thought of a serious concept that would be pretty interesting in an R rated movie… that being one of our little Vulcan buddies going through Pon Farr and there being absolutely no way to help him or her. Modern day Shakespeare! ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/13 "2003-01-27T04:33:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diceman \* > \*\* we did see Data naked in the episode where he gets kidnapped. He ain’t got nothing down there. \*\* Uh… didn’t Data tell Tasha that he was fully functional? I beleive it was _The Naked Now_. Someone else will let us know the details… Oooh, oooh! How about some shipboard _discipline_, huh? A sweaty, bare chested Picard takes a holo-paddle to a naked Beverly’s ass. Yummy. Then, holo-images (fully functional) of Hoshi and T’Pol come to administer a soothing salve to her ‘affected’ areas. One of Quark’s Holo-suite programs gets loose and goes on a ‘Jack the Ripper’ type killing spree. (Without posessing Scotty this time. No easy endings!) ---
**Author:** ![Obvious\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Obvious\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Obvious_Guy)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/14 "2003-01-27T04:42:11Z")
\*Seeing a usually cool Vulcan suddenly crack under the pressure and go postal on the entire crew… only a hand full survive. \*All the female crew wearing a tight spandex uniform. \*Data and Spock in a bar drinking, laughing, and cursing like sailors. \*Blood, and lots of it. A phaser blast would cause the blood to boil and the person would litterally burst and cover everything in a 15 foot radius in red. ---
**Author:** ![Mephisto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@Mephisto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mephisto)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/15 "2003-01-27T04:42:21Z")
I too would like to see Worf go berserk. I’ve been forced to hear Klingon opera. Now I’d like to _see_ one. I think it would be amusing to watch somebody–Riker, perhaps–walk in on a couple of aliens having sex and not immediately realize what was happening. Really, they should do something like that anyway (if that haven’t already). You really wouldn’t need an R rating to get away with it if it was done right, and it could be pretty funny. I would like to see Data, in his never ending quest to be more human, try on the role of pissed-off officer. It would be interesting to see him access his store of cuss words–no doubt the galaxy’s largest–and the drill sergeant routines of fourteen thousand planets to dress down some slacking crew member. Or, if Data’s morals and ethics programs prevented him from abusing a crew member, he could practice on his cat, Spot. Just once, I would like to hear Geordi exclaim, “Goddamn, Data, you just can’t do things like that.” I would like to see Spot get abducted by a visiting alien dignitary, either for sex or food. I get the picture that Riza (sp?) is quite the libertine hotspot. I would like to _see_ that picture. Although that fantasy might require an X rating instead of a mere R. Most of all, though, I would like to see Wesley Crusher die in a grotesque and painful manner. Perhaps the Cardassians or somebody could get ahold of whiney little space nerd and reenact the ending of _Braveheart_ on him or something. Worf and the rescue party could arrive just in time to see Wesley’s guts hit the floor and hear him scream, “Mommmy!” I can just hear Worf in 10-Forward after the failed mission now: “The boy died without honor.” And Riker: “I never liked the little punk anyways.” _sigh_ ---
**Author:** ![\_etalhea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/779978/32.png) [@\_etalhea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_etalhea)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/16 "2003-01-27T05:29:00Z")
Full frontal Seven-of-nine Data’s dick (I’m not gay, but I’ve always wondered exactly how that equipment worked) Warf fighting in something other than the usual pussy-fied way A phaser taking a major, but not immediately lethal chunk outta someone naked aliens with unusual naughty bits ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/17 "2003-01-27T05:37:52Z")
**//\etalHea|)** gave me another idea: full frontal Trill nudity. I want to see exactly where the spots go and if the abdominal pouch is visible to the naked (no pun intended) eye. ---
**Author:** ![Achernar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e274bd/32.png) [@Achernar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Achernar)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/18 "2003-01-27T05:42:22Z")
An expendable crewman getting pulled apart by the differential gravity near a black hole. Yucky. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![SnugTheJoiner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@SnugTheJoiner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnugTheJoiner)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/19 "2003-01-27T05:48:50Z")
I, too, would like to see a Klingon opera . . . And I would like to see Data swear like a sailor . . . But the thing that I would like to see most is SPOCK FINALLY ADMITTING THAT HE’S IN LOVE WITH CAPTAIN KIRK. And I would like to see Kirk get all embarrassed and uncomfortable, and then, after a little soul-searching, shrug and say, “Oh, what the hell! It’s only once every seven years.” Seriously, can you imagine a happier, or more logical ending? Live long and prosper! ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/20 "2003-01-27T05:50:37Z")
> [@](#): > > if the abdominal pouch is visible to the naked (no pun intended) eye. Why stop there? Abdominal pouch sex!!! I want to see death! Crewman getting raped by alien monsters who stab them to make their own orafices and then the young devourer their way out. I want limbs flying and blood splattering during phaser battles. The crewmen should look like victims of paintball games with all the different colored alien blood on them. I want planets exploding and little kids crying. I want to see a holodeck where an alien is gunning down puppies. I want cartoon characters to come alive out of the holodeck and destroy three decks. I want the Jem’Hadar to be addicted to eating lungs of living organisms and have to do it while the camera is rolling. I want people beaming bombs inside of other people and then they explode and spray acid all over the bridge. I want aliens that bore into the heads of crewmen, suck out their brains, then puke them onto other crewmen as a weapon. I want an alien whose touch makes men ejaculate uncontrollably until blood shoots out and they dehydrate and die. I want gangs of robots who rape pets. I want an alien that communicates by shooting feces at people. That’s all i can think of at the spur of the moment Oh, and naked Hoshi. 🙂 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156.md?page=2)