# Trek Dopers, what would you include in an R rated Star Trek? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 27, 2003, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156 "2003-01-27T03:30:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/21 "2003-01-27T06:50:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tars Tarkas \* > Why stop there? Abdominal pouch sex!!! I want to see death! Crewman getting raped by alien monsters who stab them to make their own orafices and then the young devourer their way out. I want limbs flying and blood splattering during phaser battles. The crewmen should look like victims of paintball games with all the different colored alien blood on them. I want planets exploding and little kids crying. I want to see a holodeck where an alien is gunning down puppies. I want cartoon characters to come alive out of the holodeck and destroy three decks. I want the Jem’Hadar to be addicted to eating lungs of living organisms and have to do it while the camera is rolling. I want people beaming bombs inside of other people and then they explode and spray acid all over the bridge. I want aliens that bore into the heads of crewmen, suck out their brains, then puke them onto other crewmen as a weapon. I want an alien whose touch makes men ejaculate uncontrollably until blood shoots out and they dehydrate and die. I want gangs of robots who rape pets. :eek: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tars Tarkas \* > **I want an alien that communicates by shooting feces at people.** 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/22 "2003-01-27T07:03:37Z")
> [@](#): > > Vulcanian full frontal nudity? > [@](#): > > I’d have Troi and Dr. Crusher going at it in one room, Wesley and Riker doing the nasty in another and Data banging the warp drive. > [@](#): > > quadrupled sex drive > [@](#): > > Decon done in the nude, with at least three people involved. > [@](#): > > How about Riker & Troi’s nude wedding? > [@](#): > > rubdowns for T’Pol and Hoshi. Frequent and thorough. And preferably administering it to one another. > [@](#): > > a naked Beverly’s ass. > [@](#): > > All the female crew wearing a tight spandex uniform. > [@](#): > > a couple of aliens having sex > [@](#): > > full frontal Trill nudity. > [@](#): > > Abdominal pouch sex!!! I knew this thread wouldn’t do much for the Trekkie stereotype ;). ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/23 "2003-01-27T07:25:30Z")
It’s about time they had some genuine military-ish cursing: Picard: I’ll be beamng down to meet with their Ambasador. Riker; Sir, are you sure that’s wise? Picard: I’ve made my decision. Shut the fuck up. Riker: You know, bailing you out of these shitty decisions isn’t what I signed on for. Picard: You signed on to obey orders, Commander. Energize! [Picard beams down] Riker [bites his lower lip in anger]: Fuck, I’m getting too old for this shit. Transporter Operator: Sir? Riker: Mind your own godamned business. I’m sick of your fucking half-breed interference, do you hear? ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/24 "2003-01-27T08:29:03Z")
Jeri. Ryan. Naked. Aerobics. ---
**Author:** ![Obvious\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Obvious\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Obvious_Guy)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/25 "2003-01-27T10:25:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SnugTheJoiner \* > **But the thing that I would like to see most is SPOCK FINALLY ADMITTING THAT HE’S IN LOVE WITH CAPTAIN KIRK. And I would like to see Kirk get all embarrassed and uncomfortable, and then, after a little soul-searching, shrug and say, "Oh, what the hell! It’s only once every seven years."** Hey **SnugTheJoiner** , be careful what you wish for or you just might get it [here](http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=2646) 😃 **Tars Tarkas** , you are truely a disturbed person. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/26 "2003-01-27T10:42:20Z")
He probably has it hidden within to emerge when needed ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/27 "2003-01-27T13:24:08Z")
Worf and Troi were getting ready to get it on, but nothing ever happened, IIRC, although I didn’t see all the episodes. I’d like to see that consummated and see if a non-Klingon female really does survive the experience. If so, then I get to be the next female. ---
**Author:** ![Mephisto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@Mephisto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mephisto)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/28 "2003-01-27T14:07:02Z")
**pugluvr** : IIRC, they got it on a few times in DS9. Sometimes they needed some post-coital attention from Doc Bashir in Sick Bay. To my knowledge, though, they never showed any good stuff . . . although there exists a couple Star Trek porns out there, but I haven’t been able to lay my hands on them. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/29 "2003-01-27T14:26:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cisco \* > \*\*I knew this thread wouldn’t do much for the Trekkie stereotype ;). \*\* 😉 Yeah, yeah… we know. Although, to make a parenthesis of seriousness, it just points to how, well, there is not that _much_ to be done out there that would really _demand_ scenes deserving of an R-rating for plot or artistic reasons – as opposed to shock value or titillation. For instance, try to imagine a really, really REALLY _good reason_ why it would ruin a plot to just imply, or show very discrete partial views, rather than show full-on a Betazed wedding ceremony or Klingon wedding night. **Mephisto** ’s “alien sex not immediately recognized” scenario is the best non-prurient suggestion so far on that side, and he has already pointed out that you if the producers/writers/FX people are really on the ball, this can probably be done in a manner that does NOT require the R-rating and be just as clever. (after all, we got to see certain unusual parts of Mollari’s anatomy in Bab-5 _on TV_) The other scenario is that of gruesome deaths or excessive violence. Again, there’s a limited range of reasons to show that. Say my scenario of Wesley beamed into the Klingon women’s quarters – you could do that scene completely offscreen. Just an audio link of his wretched, wraithlike screams and blubbering pleas for mercy and his captors’ taunts at how little they have to play with. And when they finally beam him back, another audio feed: “what we got didn’t live long… fortunately” Klingons going full tilt just for its own sake would give us nothing more than actually seeing how someone looks with a bat’leth through the face. **Sejal\_Traurig** ’s view of a berserk Worf _under great stress_ having to struggle to retain self-control, that would be better. Oh… and K-S slash is **so** 20th-century, really… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/30 "2003-01-27T15:28:19Z")
Let’s see the seedy underbelly of Federation society - in the darkest alleys of the ship (darkest Jeffrey’s Tubes, maybe?), where the bad guys are twice as bad, and the good guys are even worse… Pimps, pushers, and women of easy virtue roam the corridors. Let’s see some of THAT action! Like Pulp Fiction… In space. “Captain, bitch, be cool!” ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/31 "2003-01-27T15:37:19Z")
Ladies’ uniforms from the original series, no panties. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/32 "2003-01-27T15:42:43Z")
FWIW, why even stick with established characters? Like **Kn\*ckers** said, we could go where no one has gone before… A ship of rejects, or at least, not top of the Acadamy, running into difficult situations and royally fucking it up at times. Or, a police type drama on a _Blade Runner_ looking world in the Federation. Picard says they solved the crime problem, but I don’t believe him, look at _Starship Mine_. BTW, you guys rock! I had tyo clean coffee off my view screen, re… monitor… several times already. ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/33 "2003-01-27T15:59:41Z")
No, no **NCB** - the Ship of Rejects would be awful! Imagine five-hundred Wesley Crusher clones! Oh, maybe you meant rejects in another sense. Not whiny, skinnny losers from hell. I do think it would be neat to have a crew that wasn’t all cool and collected, and screwed up sometimes, and broke the law and all. It would be like **Kn\*ckers in Space** – Captain: Engineering, what the hell is going on down there? Me: Oh, Shit! Oh, shit, shit, DOUBLE shit! I broke the goddam - SHIT!! Of course, if you DID have a ship full of Wesley Crusher clones, you could make them all die horrible, gory deaths in and R rated universe… ---
**Author:** ![Sejal\_Traurig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Sejal\_Traurig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sejal_Traurig)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/34 "2003-01-27T16:05:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\*A ship of rejects, or at least, not top of the Acadamy, running into difficult situations and royally fucking it up at times. \*\* Why did I suddenly get a mental picture of Hightower bumping his head every time he got on the transporter platform? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/35 "2003-01-27T16:25:57Z")
_ **The E Team!** _ ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/36 "2003-01-27T17:20:17Z")
I would gladly put up with an entire movie of Wesley Crusher if I could see him go at it with crew member Ashley Judd (“The Game”) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/37 "2003-01-27T18:59:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mephisto \* > \*\* > I would like to see Spot get abducted by a visiting alien dignitary, either for sex or food. > \*\* **Mephisto** --you are a Sick little monkey. I like that. 🙂 > [@](#): > > **friarTed** RE Data’s equipment… > He probably has it hidden within to emerge when needed You make him sound like a deviant Transformer… ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/38 "2003-01-27T19:08:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\* > You make him sound like a deviant Transformer… \*\* He’s more than meets the eye! ---
**Author:** ![erislover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71e660/32.png) [@erislover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erislover)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/39 "2003-01-27T19:14:12Z")
That, **Bosda** , or it is one helluva foreskin. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156/40 "2003-01-27T19:22:42Z")
Troi topless. Some REAL action on the pleasure planet that was in “Wolf in the Fold” (I think that was the title. It was the planet victimized by Jack the Ripper in Robert Bloch’s screenplay). Wesley jettisoned into a decaying orbit Some enemy releasing some advanced gas into the ventilation system (or possibly one of those alien microbes) and the reaction causing the entire Enterprise crew to have one big gang bang I tell you, there are some sick puppies on this thread. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trek-dopers-what-would-you-include-in-an-r-rated-star-trek/151156.md?page=3)