# Trekkies: What the Hell is wrong with the Enterprise **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 25, 2015, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979 "2015-03-25T21:16:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/261 "2015-04-06T13:51:34Z")
> [@grude](#): > > People need to use their muscles or they atrophy, I’d hate to see the shape of crew that beam everywhere. > > I mean hell why have a toilet? Just beam the pee and poo out of people. > [@terentii](#): > > They have a gym, a swimming pool, and a bowling alley. Why do they need to walk everywhere to stay in shape? > > That would be logical. Then were would people go to read magazines? ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/262 "2015-04-06T15:00:54Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I like that look! It gives the sets a stylized, comic book, timeless look. Like Forbidden Planet. > > TNG looks laughably 80s dated in comparison. I’ll have to disagree. The TOS sets had no character whatsoever. The ship looked like a grey warehouse. Not a bit of art to be seen. Looked like a starship made by Spartans. I’ve seen period Navy ships with more character. (The bridge was totally cool, though, even if the buttons could have used a few labels. 23rd century Starfleet officers must have had enormous mental capacity, more than 20th century humans, to remember what every button did.) I figure it’s not just the changing styles between the mid 60s and the 90s, but also that tastes change in the future just as much. Kirk’s fellow starship captains looked like they were teamsters and voted for Nixon. 🙂 I bet sometime between TOS and TNG that babies were birthed using the transporter. More medically safe, less fuss. Then people started thinking that was the path to dehumanization, so they went back to the old school way. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/263 "2015-04-06T15:01:51Z")
McCoy adapted the teaching machine from The Battle For Spock’s Brain to relay TMZ directly to human synapses. > [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > Then were would people go to read magazines? ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/264 "2015-04-06T15:19:24Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > Then were would people go to read magazines? I cannot recall having seen any magazines on the Enterprise. I suspect the crew members just go sit in the reading room and listen to the soothing voice of Majel Barrett until it says something that scares the crap out of them. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/265 "2015-04-06T15:38:20Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > Kirk’s fellow starship captains looked like they were teamsters and voted for Nixon. In other words, like senior military commanders. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/266 "2015-04-06T15:46:34Z")
> [@AncientHumanoid](#): > > McCoy adapted the teaching machine from **The Battle For Spock’s Brain** to relay TMZ directly to human synapses. That is a way-cooler title than the real one. Might have been a better episode if they’d used it instead. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/267 "2015-04-06T15:54:30Z")
> [@Barking\_Dog](#): > > Accurate as they may be, transporters still require a skilled operator to function safely. Whereas elvevators haven’t needed someone to operate them since the 20th century. And H&S aside, transporters doubtless take up a buttload of power and at least 2 buttloads of cpu cycles. That seems like a lot of computer, engine, and man power just to travel to the next floor up. > And there’s the whole thing about how the elevator is less likely to catastrophically malfunction when the not-a-military-vessel Enterpise gets into yet another fight with the Klingons/Romulans/All-powerful-Space-Wizard this week. Plus you might end up materializing backwards and seeing how big your butt is and nobody wants that. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/268 "2015-04-06T16:21:50Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > I figure it’s not just the changing styles between the mid 60s and the 90s, but also that tastes change in the future just as much. Kirk’s fellow starship captains looked like they were teamsters and voted for Nixon. 🙂 You’re saying James Thurber looked like a Teamster??? :eek: (William Windom from The Doomsday Machine played the Thurber-like character in “My World and Welcome to It” - great show I really need to rewatch. ) ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/269 "2015-04-06T16:43:02Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > You’re saying James Thurber looked like a Teamster??? :eek: Ha! The scene I’m specifically thinking of might have been in Court Martial, maybe. Kirk goes to a starbase bar, and talks to some other captains. I think they’re giving him shit for killing Ben Finney, if it was in Court Martial. Of the group present, Kirk had the longest hair. The other captains all looked like they’d be quite happy busting some hippies’ heads. No one cared for Kirk’s version. Not an ounce of compassion present, just conservatism as far as the eye could see. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/270 "2015-04-06T16:46:44Z")
Ah, _Court Martial_, the episode with the most ridiculous math error. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/271 "2015-04-06T17:15:09Z")
> [@eschereal](#): > > Ah, _Court Martial_, the episode with the most ridiculous math error. Hard to beat that! (But it was a really huge 1. A one of enormosity. In the future, even ones will be bigger.) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/272 "2015-04-20T23:50:34Z")
In case it hasn’t been posted already: **New Trekker:** Admit it, the old Enterprise was a piece of junk! **Old Trekker:** Oh, yeah? How would you like a Vulcan death grip? [_They start to fight, Bull grabs them both by the collarbone_] **New Trekker, Old Trekker:** Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow! **Nostradamus ‘Bull’ Shannon:** How do you like the Baliff Bull grip? ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/273 "2015-04-21T03:02:16Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > I bet sometime between TOS and TNG that babies were birthed using the transporter. More medically safe, less fuss. Then people started thinking that was the path to dehumanization, so they went back to the old school way. Well, the second O’brien kid was teleported out of Keiko’s womb, but just to move him into Kira’s womb following an accident that meant Keiko couldn’t carry him to term. Apparently they never bothered improving incubator technology (nor came up with some sort of artificial womb) for premies in the span of several hundred years. That or they just had to somehow account for Nina Visitor getting knocked up by Siddig without making Kira a mother. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/274 "2015-04-21T03:19:58Z")
I remember Enterprise had an episode where they tried to retcon all the hybrids like Spock by claiming they were not natural but somehow genetically engineered artificially. Except we had had a two part episode in TNG where there were hybrids in a remote prison camp operating for decades! I’m sure they had access to this advanced tech. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/275 "2015-04-21T15:17:17Z")
I just finished watching the “Alexander the Brat” episode of _ **TNG** _. **Holy crap!** :smack: Not only does it show the absolute stupidity of having children (the ultimate in nonessential personnel) on board a starship, _every damned system on the_ Enterprise _fails when the soliton wave is distorted_. A freakin’ \*fire \*breaks out for no apparent reason, and not only does the ship’s suppressant system fail (the first time it’s needed?), there are apparently _no portable extinguishers anywhere on board_, and Alexander is trapped under structural members that not only _weigh a ton_ but are fastened by what look like _foot-long railroad spikes_. Finally, _all but one_ of the endangered species specimens in the biolab are left to _die_ from ion radiation poisoning; _there weren’t even any plans to evacuate them before the fire broke out!_ Helluva way to run a starship, eh? :dubious: :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/276 "2015-04-21T15:24:11Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I remember Enterprise had an episode where they tried to retcon all the hybrids like Spock by claiming they were not natural but somehow genetically engineered artificially. > > Except we had had a two part episode in TNG where there were hybrids in a remote prison camp operating for decades! I’m sure they had access to this advanced tech. Just because Klingons and Romulans are genetically close enough to cross-breed without medical assistance doesn’t mean humans and Vulcans are. And it was established fairly early on in TNG that Klingon-human crossbreeds required some genetic coaxing. (Why that doesn’t fall afoul of the anti-genetic-engineering law I’ll never know. Probably has to do with the elephant in my pajamas.) ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/277 "2015-04-21T15:27:27Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > I just finished watching the “Alexander the Brat” episode of _ **TNG** _. > > **Holy crap!** :smack: That episode was badly written!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/278 "2015-04-21T15:37:02Z")
My question: were they ever able to synthesize those dilithium crystals (that made the whole warp drive thing work)? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/279 "2015-04-21T15:51:11Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > My question: were they ever able to synthesize those dilithium crystals (that made the whole warp drive thing work)? Synthesize? No. But they did learn how to recrystallize them after they wore out, meaning a given crystal could be recycled at least once. And I don’t think it was so much that dilithium couldn’t be made artificially as it was that doing so required more energy than doing so was worth. Just that once they decided to acknowledge the laws of thermodynamics. (Homer Simpson would not have approved.) ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2015, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/280 "2015-04-22T18:45:27Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > … “Alexander the Brat” episode of _ **TNG** _… > > Not only does it show the absolute stupidity of having children (the ultimate in nonessential personnel) on board a starship, … Helluva way to run a starship, eh? :dubious: :mad: I’ve always thought the family-friendly setup was absurd, too. The rationale was that the crew would not want to be separated from their families for long periods of time and HEY! we’ve got saucer-separation capacity (which takes way too long in a crisis). Part 2 of rationale: NOWHERE is “safe” for kids, not even on Earth. Uh huh. Seems to me, though, that in DS9 Earth was once or twice referred to as “paradise” perhaps by Sisko’s father. It would be a matter of levels of risk versus safety, though. It might be foreseeable that some very powerful force would someday launch a surprise on attack on Earth (or a similar Federation world that crew hailed from). It would still be a matter of levels of risk versus safety then, though. And, yes, even in “paradise” we could still see that unforeseen domestic dangers could pop up to kill or harm your kids. Neither the high tech, nor quasi-Utopian social structures on Earth could protect growing children from everything. Still, it’s a matter of degree, and just about any environment would be more palatable for a parent. * * * So let’s think of an alternative for family life. Let’s say that instead of kids on board we have a completely separate module that is warp capable and follows Enterprise D at a discreet distance. It would house the kiddies, youth, and non-assigned spouses. It would have no weapons to intimidate or provoke an attacking force in the event that such even became aware of it. And anyway, it would scoot away at the first sign of danger, while raising state-of-the-art shields. It would not make much of a target for any enemy, even a vicious one. Why waste energy and add further risk to yourself by chasing after a very fast and well-shielded vessel with no offensive weaponry? Okay, maybe not a perfect solution, but surely more sensible that what we had in the later series. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979.md?page=15)