# Trekkies: What the Hell is wrong with the Enterprise **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 25, 2015, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979 "2015-03-25T21:16:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Valteron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f17d59/32.png) [@Valteron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valteron)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2015, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/41 "2015-03-25T23:49:30Z")
> [@GIGObuster](#): > > And I think the Federation already knows how to control the biological needs of Caitians like [M-res](http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/M%27Ress). Listen buddy, you may think Caitians would be nice to hook up with, and that they are sex kittens, but wait until you are making love and they suddenly cough up a fur ball. Real turnoff! ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/42 "2015-03-26T00:17:45Z")
OK, so warp cores channel the most formidable energy that exists. You might want to make them stout enough to survive anything short of a vessel-destroying hit (\*). But guess what, you keep getting imminent core breaches; and to top it off, it’s a safe bet when that happens that \*the emergency jettison mechanism fails simultaneously!! (\*\*) \* Who’s the powerplant contractor, ACME? (\*Even a 1960s-vintage sub is built so the reactor stays in one piece even if the boat fails below crush depth; and the \*Kursk \*had several of its own warheads cook off yet the reactor behaved) (\*\*And that’s another one: your only remedy to catastrophic failure is to make it so now you are a couple of centuries away from getting anywhere?) ---
**Author:** ![PSXer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/48db29/32.png) [@PSXer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PSXer)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/43 "2015-03-26T00:26:59Z")
better stranded than exploded ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/44 "2015-03-26T00:32:54Z")
> [@JRDelirious](#): > > OK, so warp cores channel the most formidable energy that exists. You might want to make them stout enough to survive anything short of a vessel-destroying hit (\*). But guess what, you keep getting imminent core breaches; and to top it off, it’s a safe bet when that happens that \*the emergency jettison mechanism fails simultaneously!! (\*\*) \* Who’s the powerplant contractor, ACME? > > (\*Even a 1960s-vintage sub is built so the reactor stays in one piece even if the boat fails below crush depth; and the \*Kursk \*had several of its own warheads cook off yet the reactor behaved) > > (\*\*And that’s another one: your only remedy to catastrophic failure is to make it so now you are a couple of centuries away from getting anywhere?) They’re towing a cloaked spare parts trailer. Mostly warp cores and a drawer full of random bits of hardware. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/45 "2015-03-26T00:35:06Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > better stranded than exploded They could always rig a make shift solar sail. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/46 "2015-03-26T00:45:01Z")
Can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/47 "2015-03-26T00:48:08Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > Can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe? What’s my motivation? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/48 "2015-03-26T00:56:35Z")
I see you’ve managed to get your shirt off. ---
**Author:** ![N9IWP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/n9iwp/32/3154_2.png) [@N9IWP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N9IWP)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/49 "2015-03-26T00:57:37Z")
> [@Valteron](#): > > Don’t get me started about the kids. Children’s Aid needs to look into the Enterprise. Look at poor Wesley Crusher. Teenage boys are usually horny as a stoat. But I have never seen a young girl anywhere near his age on the ship. > > And the kids like Worf’s son Alexander, or Wesley, living with their single parents in those sterile tombs they call quarters. There aren’t even doors that close on the bedrooms. What happens when the poor kid wants “privacy”? > > And who the hell brings kids on a military ship that regularly gets fired on? Can you imagine for one second if it were revealed that a battleship here on Earth went off to a war zone with a few dozen kids on board? Westley was friendly with Robin Lefler. Played by Ashley Judd Brian ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/50 "2015-03-26T01:07:22Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > You know what’s wrong with the Enterprise? No coffee cup holders–anywhere on the whole blasted ship! What, they go through an entire 8 hour shift without a cuppa Joe? You don’t see the Romulans doing that! Janeway didn’t go through a HALF-hour shift without coffee. Is that really the sort of endorsement you covet? ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/51 "2015-03-26T01:11:01Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Janeway didn’t go through a HALF-hour shift without coffee. Is that really the sort of endorsement you covet? (I’ve never watched an episode of “Voyager.”) Gotta run! ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/52 "2015-03-26T01:17:49Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > You know what’s wrong with the Enterprise? No coffee cup holders–anywhere on the whole blasted ship! What, they go through an entire 8 hour shift without a cuppa Joe? You don’t see the Romulans doing that! And yet the tribbles got Kirk’s chicken salad sandwich and coffee. Can you imagine a tribble on that much caffeine? I’m picturing a fur covered superball. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tooth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c67d28/32.png) [@The\_Tooth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tooth)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/53 "2015-03-26T01:21:46Z")
> [@Valteron](#): > > Over the past few weeks I have been Netflix streaming all the seasons and episodes of Star Trek, The Next Generation. And I have come to this conclusion: The Enterprise is a piece of shit. A cosmic Edsel. A friggin’ interstellar flying coffin! And yet, baddies can’t stop taking it over. Hippies did it with song! I’m surprised someone hasn’t taken the Enterprise over by asking the ship’s computer how to do it. I’m surprised someone hasn’t done it by accident. > [@](#): > > For starters, I have lost track of how many times the Holodeck and its characters have almost killed them. In one episode I just watched, “Emergence”, the Holodeck AND the ship’s computer joined together to take over the ship. The ship even takes over itself! > [@](#): > > Every other week, some “entity” or “energy form” gets into the ship’s computers or engines or who knows what (their toilets?) and starts taking the ship apart. Or over. > [@](#): > > Anyway, what else can you think of that is wrong with the Enterprise? No one ever turns the lights out, anywhere. It took an M5 computer to figure that one out. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/54 "2015-03-26T01:25:20Z")
> [@The\_Tooth](#): > > No one ever turns the lights out, anywhere. It took an M5 computer to figure that one out. \ You must have a teen-age daughter! WHO SAID THAT? ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/55 "2015-03-26T01:46:09Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > They’re towing a cloaked spare parts trailer. Mostly warp cores and a drawer full of random bits of hardware. Ah, the adult phase of the ratchet screwdriver fruit life cycle. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/56 "2015-03-26T01:50:23Z")
99% of the time the holodeck was used for something you don’t want to watch a crewman doing, but you hope to God he cleans up after himself when he’s done. They don’t show us that 99% because, as I said, no one wants to see that. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/57 "2015-03-26T02:40:36Z")
> [@bup](#): > > 99% of the time the holodeck was used for something you don’t want to watch a crewman doing, but you hope to God he cleans up after himself when he’s done. > > They don’t show us that 99% because, as I said, no one wants to see that. refer to the link in this post > [@eschereal](#): > > the obligatorywarning: this is very disgusting[Holodeck Janitor](http://www.somethingawful.com/news/blue-stripe-life-4/) ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/58 "2015-03-26T02:45:04Z")
Will someone please come up with an algorithm with which we can calculate how long a _Star Trek_ thread can be expected to get before this happens? > [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > Can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe? > [@running\_coach](#): > > What’s my motivation? > [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > I see you’ve managed to get your shirt off. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/59 "2015-03-26T04:02:42Z")
> [@eschereal](#): > > Will someone please come up with an algorithm with which we can calculate how long a _Star Trek_ thread can be expected to get before this happens? The rugged pose. ---
**Author:** ![Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uosdwis_R.Dewoh)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2015, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979/60 "2015-03-26T06:09:30Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Yeah, but then again, he does get to hang out with the older male crew members a lot. > > Just saying. Wesley, have you ever seen a grown klingon naked? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trekkies-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-the-enterprise/715979.md?page=4)