# Trolls R Us Resurrections (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 11, 2021, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518 "2021-09-11T17:26:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 239
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9245 "2023-05-17T07:07:53Z")
> [@aurora\_maire](#): > > Ok. I wasn’t going to do it but, damn, how can you not love this paragraph? Like I said, classic Bulwer-Lytton contest material. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9246 "2023-05-17T07:08:40Z")
Disqualified, because entries have to be _deliberately_ bad. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9247 "2023-05-17T07:10:51Z")
> [@aurora\_maire](#): > > It flung into the heavens, with a fiery ball, lighting the world like an incandescent burst of flame. The entire sky was darkened by the fire ball, so the blue, clear sky turned black like during a Solar Eclipse, but no stars. I need to read more. How does the incandescent fireball darken a sky to be black like during a Solar Eclipse? (I assume Solar Eclipse is an obscure folk band, being capitalized as a proper noun.) I’m intrigued by this great mystery. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9248 "2023-05-17T07:12:09Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Disqualified, because entries have to be _deliberately_ bad. Sure, but this one is so obviously bad, it has to count. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9249 "2023-05-17T07:18:26Z")
I’ve been contemplating those two sentences for a couple of minutes . . . and then the blood started to leak from my ears and nose. ---
**Author:** ![ASL\_v2.0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asl_v2.0/32/3525_2.png) [@ASL\_v2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASL_v2.0)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9250 "2023-05-17T07:26:56Z")
“The blood ran red as liquid, while the body slowly drained of it. It pooled on the floor like a puddle.” - My submission to the Bulwer-Lytton contest ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9251 "2023-05-17T08:32:19Z")
“I know a good restaurant in space.” Also: “ovular”. Her face was like an egg or seed? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9252 "2023-05-17T08:34:45Z")
> [@DesertDog](#): > > Sounds like the s-f version of Brent Norwalk’s novel, [_Six Feet Under Par._](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vx3P5REaDqw) Does he describe the stewardess as having a “great rack”? Because that’s the ultimate complo. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9253 "2023-05-17T09:30:18Z")
n/m – too late! I see that Bulwer-Lytton has already been mentioned several times! ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9254 "2023-05-17T09:36:22Z")
> [@aurora\_maire](#): > > I don’t think he came here to troll. He obviously googled something that led him to that thread and was compelled to bestow his wisdom on us all. The reason I googled his name in the first place is because in my experience people that post long nutty rants under their real name tend to post long nutty rants under their real name far and wide. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9255 "2023-05-17T09:43:38Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > “I know a good restaurant in space.” BTW, on the next page, she asks him what it would be like if someone blew up the space elevator. He assured her it would be bad. Immediately after he said that somebody blew up the space elevator. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9256 "2023-05-17T09:50:27Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Does he describe the stewardess as having a “great rack”? “Her breasts had two circular protrusions like the star cruiser didn’t.” Okay, he didn’t say that. Maybe. I did find it progressive that space curise lines in the future are willing to hire homely stewardesses. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9257 "2023-05-17T11:06:05Z")
I read through a bunch of his “aphorisms” last night, from his eponymous book of wisdom. Most of it is grade-school deep thoughts. Some of it seems very nearly progressive but then you realize it’s just his tapioca version of Bible camp edginess. Then I saw a couple aphorisms about why LGBT people are bad (homosexuals are selfish and trans folks are liars) and I felt I’d gotten far more than I needed. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9258 "2023-05-17T11:21:19Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > “I know a good restaurant in space.” It’s very elegant. Morsels of food go floating by in all directions, and the guests compete to snag it with their tongues, like a mess of iguanas at the zoo. > [@Gyrate](#): > > Also: “ovular”. Her face was like an egg or seed? It’s the humiliating nose and cleft chin that gives her face that spore-like impression. I do have a few casual observations about this sample of fine literature. I think it’s commendable that ol’ B.K. abandons the stereotype of good-looking characters. Our hero is apparently obese and sports hair like a shit-encrusted mop. His date has a face like an egg with an immense nose. She must have been a cab driver for a long time because her first response on being asked out is “where to?”. She’s apparently some sort of unhinged imbecile who blushes whenever anyone speaks to her. It doesn’t matter what they say, her egg-like face immediately reddens like a ripe tomato. How this blushing cretin ever got a job as a “stewardess” (a charming return to a misogynistic term that hasn’t been used in decades) is a mystery. Maybe it was her experience in the transportation industry as a perennially red-faced cabbie. She’s bound to get along well with our hero, though, who is also an imbecile: he’s working on a vitally important manuscript, but he leaves it behind everywhere he goes and has to start all over again. That thing will never get finished. If only they had computers and cloud backups, out there in the distant future. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9259 "2023-05-17T11:36:47Z")
_Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space._ [![](https://i1.theportalwiki.net/img/thumb/b/bc/SpaceCore.png/300px-SpaceCore.png) ](https://i1.theportalwiki.net/img/thumb/b/bc/SpaceCore.png/300px-SpaceCore.png) Anyway: my vote is “not a troll, just a person who really needs to get out more”. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9260 "2023-05-17T11:45:32Z")
[![](https://i.postimg.cc/yxvgKgmy/Please-make-it-stop.jpg) ](https://i.postimg.cc/yxvgKgmy/Please-make-it-stop.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9261 "2023-05-17T11:47:05Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Anyway: my vote is “not a troll, just a person who really needs to get out more”. No, he needs to continue staying in. That way he can’t run over anybody and go to prision for it. Again. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9262 "2023-05-17T11:47:27Z")
Looks kinda like AI writing to me. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9263 "2023-05-17T12:14:27Z")
> [@Atamasama](#): > > How does the incandescent fireball darken a sky to be black like during a Solar Eclipse? This is the line I hit and was like, “Does he–does he not know how _light_ works?” If hard science fiction means that the author puts a lot of thought into scientific accuracy, this is the softest science fiction I’ve ever seen. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2023, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9264 "2023-05-17T12:27:57Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > “Does he–does he not know how _light_ works?” All I can think he’s imagining is that in a _photograph_ of a very bright fireball, on a simple camera with uniform exposure the sky may appear dark. But of course our visual system is better than a simple camera. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518.md?page=238) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518.md?page=240)