# Trolls R Us Resurrections (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 11, 2021, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518 "2021-09-11T17:26:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 242
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9305 "2023-05-18T00:34:08Z")
OK, that made me laff. Was it supposed to? ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9306 "2023-05-18T00:51:23Z")
Still trying to figure out how a spacecraft lolls at hundreds of miles an hour, and how a shadow can be bathed in starlight. Probably safest not to inquire too closely. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9307 "2023-05-18T00:51:52Z")
I fear that that particular piece reveals a minor flaw in BK’s otherwise magnificent writing, namely that the portrayal of characters in a story should always remain consistent. Thus, the particular passage near the end that I’ve taken the liberty to rewrite slightly should have been more like this: > “The space elevator is beautiful. It looks like the shadow of a tropical tree bathed in starlight,” said Mr. Channing. > > “That doesn’t make sense,” said Riley, her egg-like face blushing bashfully like an overripe radish. “Starlight doesn’t cast shadows”. She always blushed whenever anyone spoke to her, both because she was bashful to the point of dysfunctional neurosis, and because she suffered from an extreme endocrine disorder that made it impossible for her to have any conversation without glowing like a stoplight. > > After that she and Channing went to his room, where they had premarital sex, during which Riley blushed with such bashful intensity that she actually illuminated the room like sunset on TOI-1231 b, which orbits a red dwarf star so everything there is red even at the best of times. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9308 "2023-05-18T00:51:53Z")
The banhammer glistened moistly, like a dark object that darkened an already dark sky so that even music by the old Steve Miller Band could not be seen. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9309 "2023-05-18T00:55:12Z")
I love this thread, like a darkened…nevermind, I’m just not as good at that as you all.🔥🌪 ---
**Author:** ![BeepKillBeep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9e8a1a/32.png) [@BeepKillBeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeepKillBeep)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9310 "2023-05-18T00:59:31Z")
You’re just one of those mean people who tell people not to write that should be ignored! You vile editor you! ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9311 "2023-05-18T01:00:24Z")
Quadrilateral ship? Who knew planoforming would be permanent? ---
**Author:** ![ASL\_v2.0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asl_v2.0/32/3525_2.png) [@ASL\_v2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASL_v2.0)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9312 "2023-05-18T01:02:21Z")
> [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > The banhammer glistened moistly, like a dark object that darkened an already dark sky so that even music by the old Steve Miller Band could not be seen. The banhammer glistened in the dark like a c-beam, poised to strike, but yet standing for a moment that would soon be lost in time like tears in a wet puddle full of watery tears. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9313 "2023-05-18T01:05:34Z")
It saddens me (It really does) that he’ll be banned before we get to know him. I sometimes feel, as a long time mental health consumer, that the minds of the mentally divergent should be cracked open and examined like geodes. We’ll never get to poke at his sparkly center. Sigh. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9314 "2023-05-18T01:08:24Z")
His center sparkled like it contained a jar of some of those sparkly things that you could get at Michael’s if you did not have a restraining order against you. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9315 "2023-05-18T01:13:00Z")
She was a geode. Beautiful on the inside and just waiting for a Christian man to reveal it to the world. He was that man. He would be her hammer. “I’ll be your hammer,” he said. “Oh my,” she said. She blushed like ammonia beading on a windshield wiper blade. “I’m a Christian man,” he said. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9316 "2023-05-18T01:14:27Z")
So purple prose is pretty well known, this style seems to go beyond this. Would this be ultraviolet prose? ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9317 "2023-05-18T01:27:59Z")
> [@What\_Exit](#): > > Would this be ultraviolet prose? Well into the X-Rays. Which his prose gleams with, if you could see it. If your eyes were fashioned from lead and perception. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9318 "2023-05-18T01:35:47Z")
> [@gnoitall](#): > > Which his prose gleams with… . His prose gleams like the chrome on the bumper of a 1957 Chevrolet Bel-Air, after being carefully hand-washed at the corner Texaco station by the members of the Central High School Drama Club, who were trying to raise some money to put of a production of _Much Ado About Nothing_ the following spring. ---
**Author:** ![abcdefghij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/43a26b/32.png) [@abcdefghij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abcdefghij)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9319 "2023-05-18T04:26:29Z")
His prose gleams like the chrome on the bumper of a cerulean 1957 Chevrolet Bel-Air the color of the sky with white sidewalls, after being carefully hand-washed at the corner Texaco station by the members of the Central High School Drama Club whose school colors of red and white matched the vibrant red and white hues of the Texaco sign, who were trying to raise some money to put of a production of _Much Ado About Nothing_ the following spring. FTFY ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9320 "2023-05-18T05:54:08Z")
> [@abcdefghij](#): > > … FTFY Nicely done, and you did indeed fix it. Thank you! ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9321 "2023-05-18T06:56:16Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > If, somehow, it were to fail in a way that brings it down, it would fall for many, many agonizing minutes, probably wrapping itself most of the way around the planet and creating catastrophic damage far in excess of a “horrendous clamor.” [Depends where it breaks.](https://gassend.net/spaceelevator/breaks/index.html) If at the anchor, it’s mostly shooting off into space. If at the counterweight, it’s likely wrapping all the way around and then some (or burning up, probably). In between, all sorts of combos can happen. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9322 "2023-05-18T13:03:51Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > It saddens me (It really does) that he’ll be banned before we get to know him. Thanks to our de-facto rule in this thread about not directly linking to examples of trolling malfeasance lest we summon said bridge dweller to come and infest our nice little clubhouse here, I still have no idea which threads he has been posting in, nor have I run across him in any of the threads that I have read. And when he (and his threads) inevitably gets cornfielded, I never will. Maybe we can do the broken link thingie instead? ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9323 "2023-05-18T13:06:26Z")
Look for the “Did the Nazis ban the Bible?” thread in FQ. ---
**Author:** ![ParallelLines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/parallellines/32/3575_2.png) [@ParallelLines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParallelLines)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2023, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518/9324 "2023-05-18T14:12:53Z")
For the record, his actual _posting_ is just a common flavor of “Christians are actually so persecuted, and the dark powers keep you from knowing this”, with less than zero evidence. With a side of direct insults (if comparatively polite for the Web but not FQ) for those who ask him for actual, you know, evidence. The mocking here is almost all about his ‘published’ works - which probably would be better in a mean spirited Cafe thread, or a dedicated pit thread. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518.md?page=241) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trolls-r-us-resurrections-part-1/950518.md?page=243)