# trouble getting in during intercourse **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 18, 2004, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910 "2004-09-18T22:29:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/21 "2004-09-20T02:40:59Z")
Googleing Hymen is against the law in Georgia. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/22 "2004-09-20T02:51:56Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Googleing Hymen is against the law in Georgia. Not if he’s your brother. (Thank _heavens_ for loopholes.) ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/23 "2004-09-20T03:35:48Z")
you guys are a riot! 😃 But, I hear ya. My first time, I was 26, and it took quite a few times to get it in. (there was no foreplay). The next time I had sex, I was 31, and my guy had to use shamppo. Worked great. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/24 "2004-09-20T04:31:02Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > Any ladies here ever struggle with vaginismus? Someone who could offer more relevant advice? Seeing as I don’t have a vagina and all . . . I suffered for quite awhile with vaginismus. I had many serious relationships including living with someone from the time I was about 16, but remained a virgin until I was 23 for no other reason than I was physically incapable of having intercourse. I spent years of expensive psycho therapy (to no avail) and finally had to undergo some painful physical therapy before I was able to have intercourse. I still don’t know what caused it or why it had to happen to me. All I can say is, it’s no freaking picnic. I was fortunate enough to have some very understanding boyfriends but it was still a very traumatic experience. There really is nothing like being physically unable to do such a basic, human activity. I actually think the OP’s partner is just going through typical virginal tightness, if he can get a finger in, she’s not too bad. I couldn’t even use a tampon for years, it was like I was wearing a damned invisible chastity belt. She should probably see an OB/GYN, though, just to make sure everything’s okay. And for og’s sake, don’t rush anything. Take your time and make sure she knows that this is not a life altering experience. The bigger she blows it up in her head, the harder it will be for her to be able to relax enough to let you in. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/25 "2004-09-20T04:35:47Z")
> [@vanilla](#): > > you guys are a riot! > 😃 > > But, I hear ya. > My first time, I was 26, and it took quite a few times to get it in. > (there was no foreplay). > > The next time I had sex, I was 31, and my guy had to use shamppo. > Worked great. Shampoo? As lube, I take it? Um, ow. Correct me if I’m wrong, **vanilla** , because the very thought of shampoo there is unpleasant. I mean, it hurts when it gets in your _eyes_! ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/26 "2004-09-20T04:37:24Z")
> [@vanilla](#): > > you guys are a riot! > 😃 > > But, I hear ya. > My first time, I was 26, and it took quite a few times to get it in. > (there was no foreplay). > > The next time I had sex, I was 31, and my guy had to use shamppo. > Worked great. Shampoo?? Surely that would have irritated an awful lot. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/27 "2004-09-20T10:25:09Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > And don’t feel too bad. The first time is horrible for everybody. 😉 My first time was outstanding! I was shocked when I found out that so many had a terrible time during their first sexual experience. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/28 "2004-09-20T10:37:11Z")
[Carl the Groundskeeper] It’s in da Hole! [/CDG] ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/29 "2004-09-20T12:27:21Z")
> [@](#): > > **DirkGntly** said: > Google up “hymen” and figure out what you need to do from there - but be aware that the first time is NOT going to be a bed of roses for her. While this is true for some women/girls, it’s most definitely not an absolute that the first time _must_ be painful for a female. For many of us, the hymen’s been taken care of through years of using tampons, riding bicycles or just plain being an active kid. Also, spending lots of time with foreplay and making sure that everything is well lubed will loosen things up quite nicely. I actually think that the attitude or belief that it’s ‘supposed to’ hurt, or just flat out not be any good, contributes to the problem. If a girl goes into things believing that it’s going to hurt, she’s going to be more tense, and it’s more likely that it will hurt. Kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy, or something. If it’s still a problem after lots and lots of foreplay (use your tongue too, and feel for the little pencil-eraser like thing), then she should see a gynecologist. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/30 "2004-09-20T13:54:55Z")
> [@vanilla](#): > > you guys are a riot! > 😃 > > But, I hear ya. > My first time, I was 26, and it took quite a few times to get it in. > (there was no foreplay). > > The next time I had sex, I was 31, and my guy had to use shamppo. > Worked great. Shampoo? This could explain a lot about your current opinions on sex. You poor dear. ---
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/31 "2004-09-20T13:56:28Z")
yep, foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. Then maybe some foreplay. Learn to love the foreplay (It really can be the best part!). I like to avoid penetration until she’s had at least a few orgasms. Of course that’s not always possible with a lightly sleeping baby in the next room, but hopefully you don’t have that problem. and remember, a happy customer is a repeat customer. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/32 "2004-09-20T14:17:12Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > Shampoo? This could explain a lot about your current opinions on sex. You poor dear. I’m not a poor dear. What current opinions? I think sex is wonderful. We used Jhirmack, and it didn’t irritate me one bit (amazing, I know) but he said his balls peeled for a few days. A good ad campaign: Jhirmack, its less irritating! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/33 "2004-09-20T17:47:10Z")
**Jhirmack** It’ll peel the hair off your balls. At finer drug stores everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/34 "2004-09-20T18:27:26Z")
Good Lord! :smack: LOL Shirley, that **may** just be a selling point to _some…_ Remember to dilute! What would Dr. Bronner say? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/35 "2004-09-20T18:43:39Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > **Jhirmack** It’ll peel the hair off your balls. At finer drug stores everywhere. _tweet!_ You’re having too much fun in this thread. Off to the penalty box with you! ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/36 "2004-09-20T18:45:27Z")
I am going to go out on a limb and say that it is probably not anything physically wrong with the female. During my first time, I had plenty of experience with other, related things but I also could not penetrate. I think that I just had the angle wrong and I know that I thought the entrance was higher up than it really was (Don’t want to go too low on the first time though!). After I did start to penetrate, I didn’t even really know it by that point. I had to reach down and feel to make sure. Start low and aim slightly upward is my advise (I think, I don’t really know how I do it now but it works). ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/37 "2004-09-20T18:52:16Z")
I think nearly everyone in this thread is making a mountain out of a molehill. The first time I had sex, my boyfriend could not get it in. He tried and tried and tried and finally rolled over and gave up. Being the determined girl I am, I climbed on top and, um, forced the issue. There was a definite feeling of something “giving way” with a pressure that my boyfriend simply couldn’t have acheived in missionary position. It took the full weight of my body. There was relatively little pain for me. I think you and your girlfriend could be successful with her on top. 'Nuff said. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/38 "2004-09-21T00:47:31Z")
> [@vanilla](#): > > A good ad campaign: Jhirmack, its less irritating! Lather. Rinse. Repeat. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/39 "2004-09-21T01:42:37Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > Never underestimate the fun to be had with a bottle of Southern Comfort and a high-powered rifle. 😉 Jesus…where are you supposed to stick _those?_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Merkwurdigliebe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/74df32/32.png) [@Merkwurdigliebe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merkwurdigliebe)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910/40 "2004-09-21T02:11:52Z")
Yeah, dude, seriously, here’s what’s going on. First let me congratulate you on your first time… or what will be. Make sure to use a condom. Also get some KY jelly or some other kind of sex lube. NO PETROLEUM BASED LUBE, it will cause the condom to break. Oil is oil based, so you don’t want to use that. Use water-based lube. Secondly. People here mention muscle tension. That could be a problem, also the hymen could also be a problem. I don’t know because I’ve never had sex with a virgin. But I am guessing that you may have the wrong angle going too. Its probably not at the angle that you’d expect. if you were to say the angle that it is when the girl is lying on her back, I’d say that its at a 75 degree angle from the ground, that is tilted away from her head? I hope you are all picturing this correctly. it isn’t exactly perpendicular to the opening. Maybe you feel like it should be at a 45 degree angle? I haven’t done it in a month, so I am just doing this from memory! Her on top wouldn’t be a bad idea, but insertion like this isn’t always so easy. My penis is at a pretty steep angle when really erect, so is a little difficult to get in like this. My suggestion would be to get a little erotic first. Don’t go too fast dude, because it may not last long. But then again it depends on how long you have known the girl, in my opinion. I would probably start out with some oral sex to get her relaxed and not start out with the explicit goal of intercourse. Just focus on getting her off for a while. Then get a little lube and probe around there with your fingers. Make sure that there is enough lube inside of her. Some girls get the juices really flowing when they get horny, but others don’t have so much and would need a little lube. Sometimes it doesn’t really get wet unitl you get in there and start moving a little bit. With your fingers you can be much more gentle until you get her loosened up a bit. It is a very adaptable organ. The idea of letting her get on top isn’t bad because she does have a hymen, I guess. It’s called a cherry in layman’s terms if you want to know. It depends on how big she is down there so even once you get in you may need to be a little gentle the whole time. Just be safe and go slow and make sure you aren’t hurting her. It may hurt her, and she may want more, but make sure you stop if she wants you to. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trouble-getting-in-during-intercourse/264910.md?page=3)