# True Empathy Is It Impossible. Yes or No. **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [January 29, 2013, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713 "2013-01-29T15:27:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![pchaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/258eb7/32.png) [@pchaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pchaos)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/1 "2013-01-29T15:27:34Z")
The answer is probably no. Not even Mother Teresa is truly empathic. I had a good friend who had a Master’s in Social Welfare. She spent a year with a poverty stricken family in the Kentucky hills. She said she for the first time she experienced true poverty. But although she established an empathic link with the family she was staying with, the difference was that she knew that once her internship was over she would go back to her comfortable home in San Francisco. This could be your personal experience or an experience of another. Let’s stay civil on this thread and remember that we’re friends. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/2 "2013-01-29T15:30:31Z")
What definition of “empathy” are you using in this thread? ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/3 "2013-01-29T15:33:21Z")
Does “true empathy” imply some kind of mental brain wave reading? If so, then no. There is no Deanna Troi. But I’ve known people who were extremely sensitive to other peoples’ distress. They pick up on subtle behavioral cues, and seem to really suffer along with others. ---
**Author:** ![Latro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a87d85/32.png) [@Latro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Latro)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/4 "2013-01-29T15:56:11Z")
From your OP I cannot but deduce but that you have never really experienced empathy. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/5 "2013-01-29T15:58:42Z")
I think most Mothers experience true empathy for their children. We know them so well and love them so much that we feel what they’re feeling, perhaps even more keenly sometimes. I’ve known Fathers who are like this as well, but not as many. I’ve also seen many times at boxing matches when a boxer gets hit quite a few audience members wince and even have their heads thrown back when the punch lands. Not sure how much of a line you can draw between “mirroring” and “empathy.” Now, if you are defining empathy as an exact duplication of experience, then of course not. Not even identical twins raised side by side can say that, although I guess they come the closest. ---
**Author:** ![pchaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/258eb7/32.png) [@pchaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pchaos)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/6 "2013-01-29T15:59:53Z")
> [@Latro](#): > > From your OP I cannot but deduce but that you have never really experienced empathy. But haven’t you felt that way also. When somebody says, “I know how you feel…” Don’t you get the feeling that they want to move on to another topic? ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/7 "2013-01-29T16:01:05Z")
Define “true empathy.” Is it qualitatively different than social compassion? Why do you feel that moving on to another issue somehow invalidates the empathy felt earlier? ---
**Author:** ![pchaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/258eb7/32.png) [@pchaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pchaos)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/8 "2013-01-29T16:06:52Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > Define “true empathy.” Is it qualitatively different than social compassion? Why do you feel that moving on to another issue somehow invalidates the empathy felt earlier? For instance, why is it everybody is asking me to define my terms. I’m still a newby on this SDMB so give me a break. Does anybody have empathy for a newcomer? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/9 "2013-01-29T16:08:25Z")
> [@pchaos](#): > > For instance, why is it everybody is asking me to define my terms. [Because of this thread.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=679524) And it’s a reasonable request, so please explain what you believe empathy means. ---
**Author:** ![pchaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/258eb7/32.png) [@pchaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pchaos)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/10 "2013-01-29T16:11:08Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > [Because of this thread.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=679524) And it’s a reasonable request, so please explain what you believe empathy means. Empathy is more than intellectually understanding the pain. It includes re-experiencing the pain with another. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/11 "2013-01-29T16:11:42Z")
> [@pchaos](#): > > For instance, why is it everybody is asking me to define my terms. I’m still a newby on this SDMB so give me a break. Does anybody have empathy for a newcomer? 1. “Empathy” has several meanings in the dictionary. 2. You have a recorded history on this board of having your _own_ definitions for certain words that do not match any of those in dictionaries, and not telling us until coerced to do so. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/12 "2013-01-29T16:13:31Z")
> [@pchaos](#): > > For instance, why is it everybody is asking me to define my terms. I’m still a newby on this SDMB so give me a break. Does anybody have empathy for a newcomer? Because we may spend wasted effort arguing for or against a position you do not hold. You are the one proposing the question, we are asking for clarification in order to answer you to your satisfaction. Besides, you contradict yourself between the title and body of the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/13 "2013-01-29T16:14:20Z")
> [@pchaos](#): > > Empathy is more than intellectually understanding the pain. It includes re-experiencing the pain with another. Oh-You’re talking about the the E.S.P./parapsychological woo definition. No evidence for it. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/14 "2013-01-29T16:15:35Z")
> [@pchaos](#): > > Empathy is more than intellectually understanding the pain. It includes re-experiencing the pain with another. Thank you. I don’t plan to argue in this thread, but [I will point out that this is a much more restrictive definition of empathy than you will find in the dictionary.](http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/empathy) That’s exactly why it’s worth defining a term ahead of time. With that I hope I can bow out. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/15 "2013-01-29T16:17:17Z")
> [@pchaos](#): > > Empathy is more than intellectually understanding the pain. It includes re-experiencing the pain with another. That’s pretty darn restrictive. What do you mean by “re-experiencing the pain?” Physical pain? Do I need to hurt myself before I can feel socially and ethically obligated to assist someone else? Why pain? Cannot joy also be shared? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/16 "2013-01-29T16:21:45Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > That’s pretty darn restrictive. What do you mean by “re-experiencing the pain?” Physical pain? Do I need to hurt myself before I can feel socially and ethically obligated to assist someone else? > > Why pain? Cannot joy also be shared? I think he’s talking about the fictional “empathy” of _The Corsican Brothers_. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/17 "2013-01-29T16:23:52Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > I think he’s talking about the fictional “empathy” of _The Corsican Brothers_. Oh. I understand unicorns and preachy Star Trek characters have that. Next he may be asking whether we can really fly like Superman. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/18 "2013-01-29T16:26:25Z")
> [@pchaos](#): > > Not even Mother Teresa is truly empathic. _Especially_ not Mother Teresa. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/19 "2013-01-29T16:30:21Z")
> [@Grumman](#): > > _Especially_ not Mother Teresa. Even leaving aside the fact that she is, unfortunately, deceased. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713/20 "2013-01-29T16:37:20Z")
As to whether or not it’s impossible for two people to share joy or pain I’d have to say…no. If you can hook up electrodes to certain areas of the brain and cause a person to feel joy, sadness or pain, it is certainly possible to hook a second set of electrodes to another person and stimulate the same nerves at the same time. One wouldn’t be feeling the other person’s feelings(so to speak), but they _would_ be sharing the _same_ feelings. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-empathy-is-it-impossible-yes-or-no/648713.md?page=2)