# True or False: You always hurt the one you love. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 4, 2010, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245 "2010-03-04T05:07:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/1 "2010-03-04T05:07:57Z")
I think true. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/2 "2010-03-04T05:14:50Z")
Some people always love the ones they hurt. They each sound like pretty self-destructive cycles to me. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/3 "2010-03-04T06:04:23Z")
You’re bound to hurt anyone if you spend enough time with them, so the answer is yes as the limit of t approaches infinity, or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![Dereknocue67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6de8d8/32.png) [@Dereknocue67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dereknocue67)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/4 "2010-03-04T09:56:40Z")
Just love the one you’re with. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/5 "2010-03-04T10:05:23Z")
In some form or fashion, yes, you eventually will hurt someone you love. How much hurt is much more debatable. But I’m used to the phrase being used to mean that, since what they did hurt you, you obviously love them. And that’s not always true, as it could more be respect, awe, or probably something else I can’t think of at the moment. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/6 "2010-03-04T10:32:38Z")
‘Eventually’ is a better term than ‘always’, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/7 "2010-03-04T10:47:24Z")
Unless you’ve found a way to avoid dying, the answer is **True**. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/8 "2010-03-04T11:54:53Z")
True. Generally speaking you have ample opportunity to hurt someone you love because you spend so much time with them and are heavily emotionally involved in them. They care about what you do and say, eventually you’ll do or say something you shouldn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/9 "2010-03-04T14:05:42Z")
I love my husband, and I know he loves me. Doesn’t mean we haven’t said or done thing that hurt the other person. I’m bipolar, and some of the things I do when I’m manic (or depressed) hurt him. It scares him to see me so high flying… and when I’m depressed, sometimes I blame him for things (I’ve gotten better at not doing that, but I’m not perfect). Like they’ve said upthread, the longer you spend with someone, the more chances you have to hurt them. It would probably be dysfunctional if you never hurt someone you loved for a long time. If that were the case, you’re probably a doormat and have no spine to stand up for what you need or want. People pleasing should only go so far. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/10 "2010-03-04T15:20:38Z")
True, though I’m not sure I perceive the lyric as others do. More than just the simple act of hurting someone you love (maybe because you have a fear of commitment or low self-esteem or whatever), I’ve always thought it had more to do about the liberties we take with our friends and loved ones. I see this a lot. People, myself included, sometimes take our closest friends for granted and end up treating them in ways we would never treat a perfect stranger on the street, or a friend-of-a-friend, or a colleague. ---
**Author:** ![nolonger\_lurking](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/41988e/32.png) [@nolonger\_lurking](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nolonger_lurking)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/11 "2010-03-04T15:45:45Z")
Eh, I think this is not true in the general case. For example, when someone loves you unrequitedly, you are more likely to hurt them than if you loved them unrequitedly. I think it is more accurate to say that you are hurt by the one you love. You can’t get hurt nearly as much by someone whose opinion is of no concern to you. Couple this with the fact that you probably spend more time with the one you love, and the fact that love is often reciprocal, and you do most often hurt the one you love. I do think that **Cat Fight** has a good point about taking liberties with people you are closer to. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/12 "2010-03-04T16:18:31Z")
If the meaning is you will inevitably hurt someone you love, I would say not necessarily 100% true, but pretty darn likely. As mentioned above, how much you might hurt them can cover a wide range. If the meaning is it’s always someone you love, as opposed to someone you don’t love, that you hurt, it’s sorta backwards – it would make more sense to say you can hurt someone who loves you rather than someone who doesn’t love you. If it is assumed that the one you love loves you, and anyone you don’t love doesn’t love you, then it would be a truism. ---
**Author:** ![kelly5078](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6f9a4e/32.png) [@kelly5078](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kelly5078)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/13 "2010-03-04T17:01:29Z")
Well, you inevitably blunder into hurting the feelings of the people you love; people are delicate, clumsy, and have things that flip their switch. But the song is utter bull: Crushing rose until petals fall: Might have done that with an old GF or two, but not my wife, not my children. Break kindest heart with hasty words: No, I know when to shut up So if I broke your heart last night, it’s because I love you most of all: WTF?!?!?! ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/14 "2010-03-04T17:20:26Z")
Well I would think it’s a given. If you’re talking about emotional rather than physical hurt. I mean if a stranger walks up to me and says “You’re a jerk,” I could care less. If I loved someone and they said, “You’re a jerk,” I would take it a lot more personal. ---
**Author:** ![nikonikosuru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@nikonikosuru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikonikosuru)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/15 "2010-03-05T14:53:24Z")
True. And I think the reverse is true also, given a long enough span of time. ---
**Author:** ![Jump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@Jump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jump)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/16 "2010-03-05T14:58:55Z")
I disagree with “always”. I think this is kinda like “Does power corrupt?”, you can’t be corrupt without SOME kinda power, and likewise, you can’t know the hurt you’ve given someone unless you love them. Maybe you hurt the bum in the street when you don’t give them a dollar, but you can’t (know that you) truly hurt someone, unless you love them. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/17 "2010-03-05T21:26:19Z")
It’s true, it just isn’t terribly profound, or even ironic. Of COURSE I can hurt my wife’s feelings in a way that I couldn’t possibly hurt a stranger. And she can hurt me. We can hurt each other’s feelings with just a carelss word, or the wrong tone of voice, whereas I can insult \*\*\*Diogenes the Cynic \*\*\*(and vice versa) in the most vulgar possible manner, and neither of us loses any sleep over it. We don’t know each other, we’ve never met, we’re never going to meet. So, if he calls me a rectum or I call him a putz, well, who cares what a complete stranger 1000 miles away thinks? A co-worker doesn’t expect any kind of emotional solace from me. If that co-worker comes to my cubicle and I give him a “Not now, damn it, I’m busy” gesture, he won’t cry. On the other hand, if I give my 6 year old son the brushoff when he really needs a hug from me, he WILL cry. It hurts when the ones you love ignore you. We have power over the people closest to us, and vice versa. And sometimes, we’re bound to abuse our power. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2010, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/true-or-false-you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love/531245/18 "2010-03-07T16:55:32Z")
True. People may not mean to do it, but they always do.