# Truly smutty lines on broadcast TV **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 23, 2014, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296 "2014-08-23T15:54:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/1 "2014-08-23T15:54:15Z")
Raw language has become common on the more controlled channels, especially in the late evenings. The broadcast channels tend to be more conservative and of course were much more so just a few years ago. That never stopped writers from slipping in references and lines that sounded perfectly innocent but to the clued were as raw as any nightclub comic. Two faves that come to mind, vaguely thematically related: On an episode of _Home Improvement_, Tim installed a jacuzzi tub and in explaining the settings to his wife, listed them as “Low, medium, high and ‘who needs a man.’” _House_ slips in many, some just showing how sociopathic House is but some truly works of art. We’re binging our way through the series and last night came to a full halt at a comment about Chase being pursued by really fat women: “Put away the flour and get back to work.” I know I have a dozen more on tap but they ran away and hid. Got any faves? Remember - this is from nominally family-friendly whitebread broadcast TV, not any of the cable-only channels. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/2 "2014-08-23T16:15:07Z")
Some years ago, there was a commercial for tampons on Network TV, and the buzz-line was **Look for the box with the dots**. It didn’t last long. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/3 "2014-08-23T16:44:55Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Some years ago, there was a commercial for tampons on Network TV, and the buzz-line was **Look for the box with the dots**. > > It didn’t last long. Kotex’s branding of white boxes with bright red flowers on them has, though. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/4 "2014-08-23T17:14:24Z")
I still remember with wide-mouthed shock, Sophia telling the other Golden Girls about Blanche “playing hide the salami” with some guy. I have yet to find this line on the internets. ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/5 "2014-08-23T17:44:03Z")
I watched Two Broke Girls for its first several episodes and they had several. One that comes to mind was a joke about one of the characters getting a facial (the porn kind, not the other one). ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/6 "2014-08-23T17:47:46Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > I still remember with wide-mouthed shock, Sophia telling the other Golden Girls about Blanche “playing hide the salami” with some guy. I have yet to find this line on the internets. I believe Mrs. Doubtfire lists this as a euphemism for sex in the movie. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/7 "2014-08-23T17:50:01Z")
Also on House, not smutty but vulgar, when Chase and Cameron were having some fling they kept hooking up on one day of the week and saying “See you next Tuesday!” which is a fairly well used euphemism for the c-word. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/8 "2014-08-23T17:50:25Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > Two faves that come to mind, vaguely thematically related: On an episode of _Home Improvement_, Tim installed a jacuzzi tub and in explaining the settings to his wife, listed them as “Low, medium, high and ‘who needs a man.’” One of my favorite lines from that show: Tim had ‘touched’ a women. He just put his hand on her back for one reason or another and Jill was angry about it… Jill: You touched the small of her back. Tim: Well it’s not like I touched the big of her front. On iCarly, Sam (and some of the other cast) use the word ‘chiz’ quite a bit. It’s an obvious substitute for ‘shit’. I’m still waiting for my daughter to ask me what it means. And, of course, there’s the obvious ‘Jane you ignorant slut’. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/9 "2014-08-23T17:54:28Z")
The old Matt Frewer show, Doctor Doctor had a line about pole-vaulting in the grand canyon. ---
**Author:** ![Ponch8](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponch8/32/9883_2.png) [@Ponch8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponch8)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/10 "2014-08-23T17:57:43Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Also on House, not smutty but vulgar, when Chase and Cameron were having some fling they kept hooking up on one day of the week and saying “See you next Tuesday!” which is a fairly well used euphemism for the c-word. They used that on a _King of the Hill_ episode also. There was another episode where Nancy became a news anchor for a Dallas TV station with call letters KUMT. ---
**Author:** ![Terr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@Terr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terr)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/11 "2014-08-23T18:40:37Z")
> [@Quimby](#): > > I watched Two Broke Girls for its first several episodes and they had several. One that comes to mind was a joke about one of the characters getting a facial (the porn kind, not the other one). “Several”? There are several a minute. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/12 "2014-08-23T19:27:32Z")
It wasn’t a spoken line, but there was a Simpsons episode in which there was a sign for “Sneed’s Feed & Seed” that said “Formerly Chucks.” That’s pretty smutty. ---
**Author:** ![Flywheel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Flywheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flywheel)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/13 "2014-08-23T19:50:14Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > It wasn’t a spoken line, but there was a Simpsons episode in which there was a sign for “Sneed’s Feed & Seed” that said “Formerly Chucks.” That’s pretty smutty. In another episode, there was a sign for the Springfield Heights Institute of Technology… ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/14 "2014-08-23T20:41:34Z")
“Ward, don’t you think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night?” Not intentionally smutty, but I get a laugh from it. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/15 "2014-08-23T20:59:43Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > “Ward, don’t you think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night?” > > Not intentionally smutty, but I get a laugh from it. That’s something of a [myth](http://classictvhistory.wordpress.com/2012/11/16/further-into-the-beaver/). I think that line was used in a comedy movie once, though I can’t remember which. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/16 "2014-08-23T21:17:42Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > It wasn’t a spoken line, but there was a Simpsons episode in which there was a sign for “Sneed’s Feed & Seed” that said “Formerly Chucks.” That’s pretty smutty. Waiting for the inevitable person who doesn’t get this joke in 3… 2… 1… Other dirty Simpsons quotes: “Mmm…sugar walls.” “Sir, I think women and seamen don’t mix.” “You did it, Nibbles! Now, chew through my ball sack.” “Because of you, we’re all taking golden showers.” “We invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole, AND the pudding cup.” “Well, maybe if you ate some meat you’d have a natural lubricant.” “Gentlemen, start your whacking!” ---
**Author:** ![Flywheel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Flywheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flywheel)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/17 "2014-08-23T21:29:57Z")
“Good God, Homer! You’re turning our wonderful little town into America’s trash hole!” “Marge, ix-nay on the ash-hole-tray!” ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/18 "2014-08-23T21:41:19Z")
**Raising Hope** had some gems. Maw-Maw was attracting and trapping squirrels under the living room rug to make squirrel jerky. Burt objected to the stench, saying it would only attract more vermin. Maw-Maw said that’s how it’s supposed to work, it’s the “circle of jerky”. From another episode (I forget the speaker and the context): “You like your glory in bits and pieces. I like my glory whole.” mmm ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/19 "2014-08-23T23:00:12Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > One of my favorite lines from that show: Tim had ‘touched’ a women. He just put his hand on her back for one reason or another and Jill was angry about it… > Jill: You touched the small of her back. > Tim: Well it’s not like I touched the big of her front. Shouldn’t that be “big_s_”? 😃 > [@JoeyP](#): > > And, of course, there’s the obvious ‘Jane you ignorant slut’. Do they still use that on \* Saturday Night Live? 😃 \* ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/20 "2014-08-23T23:42:35Z")
> [@Ike\_Witt](#): > > The old Matt Frewer show, Doctor Doctor had a line about pole-vaulting in the grand canyon. The only line I remember from that show was when someone spilled a cup of coffee in his lap and he said “I hope that was decaf or I’m going to be up all night!” Modern Family has quite a few of these. One that stands out in my memory is when Cam takes over as director of the Jr High scool’s musical, and is talking about remembering the first time he was Sondheimized. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296.md?page=2)