# Truly smutty lines on broadcast TV **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 23, 2014, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296 "2014-08-23T15:54:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/181 "2020-12-27T20:48:43Z")
On that show with Melissa McCarthy (\*Mike and Molly, was it?). I’ve seen maybe 30 seconds of the series while flipping through channels, and one time I heard McCarthy mention some woman wearing only “two band-aids and a cork.” ---
**Author:** ![Philliam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/philliam/32/3011_2.png) [@Philliam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philliam)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/182 "2020-12-27T21:18:22Z")
Nigel will always be Topp. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/183 "2020-12-28T19:05:46Z")
There’s an episode of _I Love Lucy_ where Lucy is trying to sell an overpriced vacuum cleaner door-to-door; she went to an old woman’s apartment and asked if she could come in, the woman is very suspicious and asks if her name is [Kinsey](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_Reports). If you’ve heard of the Kinsey Reports that sure seems provocative for 1951. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/184 "2020-12-28T22:30:31Z")
I was a bit shocked at a line from _Murphy Brown_, which usually avoided sexual humor. The anchor, Jim, was speaking of his wife and the two things about her he did not know and would not ask: how she voted, and why she called the showerhead “Kevin”. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2020, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/185 "2020-12-29T13:55:13Z")
I’m sure SNL has gotten raunchier than this (Maybe the Martin Lawrence opening monologue), but: “Hi, I’m Academy Award-winner Gwyneth Paltrow and if you’re like me, you must like really freaky porn!” Sample titles: “Two Scoops of Asia” and “While Love Mud Facial.” Plus, something about a tissue and moisturizer caddy. I gained a new respect for Gwyneth that night. ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2020, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/186 "2020-12-29T14:10:57Z")
> [@Doug\_K](#): > > It goes back at least to the 60s, when I was in elementary school. Yes, I distinctly remember it as a schoolyard chant when I was in elementary school in the sixties. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2020, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/187 "2020-12-29T14:48:58Z")
Peggy Bundy calls hers “Jeffrey.” 😏 ---
**Author:** ![mixdenny](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mixdenny/32/2962_2.png) [@mixdenny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mixdenny)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2020, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/188 "2020-12-29T17:16:12Z")
> [@Horatio\_Hellpop](#): > > I gained a new respect for Gwyneth that night. And remember - you can order her candle called “This Smells Like My Vagina”. Seriously. > **[This Smells Like My Vagina is Gwyneth Paltrow's new candle - Toronto Times](https://totimes.ca/gwyneth-paltrow-releases-vagina-scented-goop-candle/)** > > Gwyneth Paltrow's website, Goop recently introduced a $75 candle with a tad unconventional and double eyebrow-raising name. You see, this candle ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2020, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/189 "2020-12-29T18:05:09Z")
Just in case you were worried that UK humour has lost its capacity for smut and innuendo, let me introduce you to the wonderful “I’m sorry I haven’t a clue”. A Radio 4 panel show broadcast at a family friendly time to a generally genteel audience but home to some industrial-strength filth. How about the following comments on the activities of the show’s adventurous scorer, Samantha. > …Samantha spent many hours in conversation with the BBC gramophone library research staff for this round, deliberating over the fine old seven inchers they presented for inspection. She says before deciding which she was going to spin, she had to think about each one long and hard… > While Samantha nips out to enjoy a mouthful of Jacob’s… > - “Samantha has to nip out now to spend time with her new gentleman friend. They’re going on a driving tour of Wales. She says he’s looking forward to showing her Cardiff and Cardigan Bay, before going on to Bangor in the back of his van.” > “Samantha’s popped out to visit an old gentleman friend of hers who’s a notorious curmudgeon. However, she finds that if she butters him up properly she can sometimes get him to splash out.” > In her spare time, Samantha likes nothing more than to peruse old record shops. She particularly enjoys a rewarding poke in the country section. There are hundreds more, all fine family listening! 😀 ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2020, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/190 "2020-12-29T21:54:47Z")
Or the intro referring to the TV show where two teams of slebs, one captained by the somewhat camp but _definitely_ heterosexual Lionel Blair, did charades against the clock: “Who can forget the time Lionel Blair pulled off Twelve Angry Men in under a minute?” Or again, from yet another letter from Mrs Trellis of North Wales: “Dear Clint, Sorry about the spelling mistake in my last…” ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2020, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/191 "2020-12-30T02:18:53Z")
Here’s a commercial I never thought would run, and, indeed, it didn’t run very long. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/LuaIJGJNbzo/hqdefault.jpg "TV commerical - Concorde (Banned)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuaIJGJNbzo) ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2020, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/192 "2020-12-30T02:53:33Z")
Huh. I thought it would be about the Mile-High Club… 😏 ---
**Author:** ![MacSpon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@MacSpon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacSpon)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2020, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/193 "2020-12-31T00:04:32Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > “Samantha’s popped out to visit an old gentleman friend of hers who’s a notorious curmudgeon. However, she finds that if she butters him up properly she can sometimes get him to splash out.” “Samantha has been detained at the last minute in the city’s Latin Quarter. An Italian gentleman friend has promised to take her out for an ice cream, and she likes nothing better than to spend the evening licking the nuts off a large Neapolitan.” ---
**Author:** ![Newtosite](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/newtosite/32/8623_2.png) [@Newtosite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Newtosite)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2020, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/194 "2020-12-31T04:03:29Z")
I remember it from the 50’s. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2020, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/195 "2020-12-31T20:41:36Z")
From Sesame Street, there’s a line from “I Love Trash” that mentions a rusty trombone. You’ll have to to look it up. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2021, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/196 "2021-01-01T04:16:18Z")
Already mentioned upthread, but still the all-time winner in my book: > [@Anal sex joke on U.S. primetime show?!?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-sex-joke-on-u-s-primetime-show/651316): > > So I was finishing up an episode of The Big Bang Theory on my DVR and a few minutes from Two Broke Girls were recorded next. Having never seen the show, I watched it. In the opening scene, the two main characters were discussing dating nowadays. I paraphrase: Blonde: “So what’s normal for a third date?” Brunette: “I don’t know. Anal?” Great googly moogly. I’m not a prude by a long shot, but jeez… we’re a long way from Ozzie and Harriet, aren’t we? ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2021, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/197 "2021-01-01T12:18:12Z")
Long thread, hope this hasn’t been mentioned… (I’ve never seen the show, paraphrasing here) I came across a snippet from, I think, “The New Girl” in which a character - who was referring to how particular she is about things - said something like “they used to call me anal girl in college”. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2021, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/198 "2021-01-01T14:28:51Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > From Sesame Street, there’s a line from “I Love Trash” that mentions a rusty trombone. When was the term “rusty trombone” coined? Is it possible that the song predates, or even inspired, the term for the sex act? ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2021, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/199 "2021-01-01T15:58:05Z")
I actually found this exchange on _ **Married … with Children** _, a show well known for its smuttiness, to be refreshingly subtle: _[Kelly has just become the spokesmodel for a new brand of beer]_ [Bud](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004910/?ref_=tt_trv_qu): What company? Lite? [Kelly](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000775/?ref_=tt_trv_qu): No, Ice Hole. [Bud](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004910/?ref_=tt_trv_qu): I was just asking, slut. Turns out Ice Hole beer (or ale) is a real thing. Whether it predates this episode (“Kelly Breaks Out,” 1994), I don’t know. > **[Ice Hole Pale Ale - Collaboration with Bar & Restaurant Friends - Great...](https://www.greatlakesbeer.com/ice-hole-video/)** > > \[...\]Read More... ---
**Author:** ![Asuka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@Asuka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asuka)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2021, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/200 "2021-01-01T20:01:07Z")
There was some teen drama/comedy I was watching on Teen Nick or something in the early 00s (Might have been a Degrassi) where a middle school age student is taking a shower after basketball practice and somebody pulls the fire alarm. He runs outside in a towel only to find it was a false alarm in a deliberate prank to get him outside in the main school hallway in only his towel, and a bunch of people surround him and laugh at him outside the locker room door which has now closed. Somebody throws a basketball at him saying “Catch”, he catches it only for his towel to fall down exposing himself to everyone including his crush and he winds up running naked all the way back home in embarrassment just using the basketball to cover himself. So in the aftermatch his crush who saw him naked comes over to his house to apologise since I think one of her friends was responsible for this prank. So he’s standing outside his door in normal clothes holding the same basketball he covered himself with earlier and his crush says “You got a real nice… Ball” Testicle puns were the last thing I expected from Teen Nick. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296.md?page=11)