# Truly smutty lines on broadcast TV **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 23, 2014, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296 "2014-08-23T15:54:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Anita\_Dayoff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Anita\_Dayoff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anita_Dayoff)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2014, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/121 "2014-09-10T15:36:50Z")
Hill Street Blues - Frank and Joyce have a nooner at a hotel and as they’re leaving the room he says ‘counselor, you give good succor’. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2014, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/122 "2014-09-10T19:46:52Z")
_Friends_ had a lot of sexual humor without necessarily being graphic about it. When Rachel botched the Thanksgiving trifle recipe, Ross discovered that the pages of the cookbook were stuck together, and Joey accusingly yells, “Chandler!” [Friends: Rachel's English Trifle (Clip) | TBS - YouTube](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G08pqAaJi5k) And one of my favorites: Ross and Rachel are about to do it for the first time. They are rolling on the floor and Rachel suddenly gasps. Rachel: Oh, God!.. Oh, Honey… Oh, that’s OK. Ross: What?.. Oh, no, you just rolled over the juice box. [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQzhFz_hXlE) ---
**Author:** ![crucible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@crucible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crucible)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/123 "2014-09-11T13:10:27Z")
I suspect it has already been noted that with this summer’s shows, the use of ‘SHIT’ is permitted, allowed, and is being fitting into every script. When humor or drama depends on smutty dialog, one knows the storyline is ji-ral. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/124 "2014-09-11T13:17:14Z")
There was an episode of _Silk Stalkings_ years ago in which the male detective is calling on a female witness. The woman answers the door, leers at the detective and says (approximately) “Well, hi there. Are you selling vacuum cleaners that suck and blow?” ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/125 "2014-09-11T14:06:34Z")
Simpsons. Homer invents that makeup blasting shotgun. Marge: Homer, women won’t like being shot in the face. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/126 "2014-09-11T17:37:42Z")
This was from one of the few _Friends_ episodes I saw- pretty sure it was the bumper at the top of the show. They’re all sitting around the coffee shop talking about something, I can’t remember what. There was a muffin involved, and one or more of the guys licked it while Monica wasn’t looking. Her last line, delivered somewhat naively with regard to what she was saying, was: “That’ll teach you to lick my muffin”. Chandler’s brain nearly fried, overloaded with comebacks, none of which he was able to say. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/127 "2014-09-11T18:00:24Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > This was from one of the few _Friends_ episodes I saw- pretty sure it was the bumper at the top of the show. They’re all sitting around the coffee shop talking about something, I can’t remember what. There was a muffin involved, and one or more of the guys licked it while Monica wasn’t looking. Her last line, delivered somewhat naively with regard to what she was saying, was: > > “That’ll teach you to lick my muffin”. > > Chandler’s brain nearly fried, overloaded with comebacks, none of which he was able to say. I think I remember that: was Monica being naive? Chandler had made some kind of bet, or resolution, or something, to be less snarky, and so the group was feeding him straight lines, trying to provoke him, and that may have been one of them. ---
**Author:** ![Osiris\_the\_1st](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9de0a6/32.png) [@Osiris\_the\_1st](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osiris_the_1st)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/128 "2014-09-11T19:00:22Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Also, from the Simpsons, wouldn’t the drink Flaming Homer/Moe be a good one? :smack: That never ever would have occured to me if you hadn’t pointed it out. ---
**Author:** ![Wolf333](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf333/32/3460_2.png) [@Wolf333](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolf333)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/129 "2014-09-11T21:47:41Z")
The Friends muffin scene: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/YYuhsAEmV-Y/maxresdefault.jpg "FRIENDS [HD] - "Lick My Muffin" Scene") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYuhsAEmV-Y) Also from _Friends_: [How do expect me to grow if you won’t let me blow?](http://youtu.be/Oj7ePEu-ppM) ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/130 "2014-09-12T02:04:55Z")
What’s the point of double-entendres when _ **Family Guy** _ is all but openly pornographic? “The funny thing is, in this universe, she’s still one of the ugly ones. If you saw Lois, you’d have to put your penis in a wheelbarrow”. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/131 "2014-09-12T04:06:49Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > What’s the point of double-entendres when _ **Family Guy** _ is all but openly pornographic? > “The funny thing is, in this universe, she’s still one of the ugly ones. If you saw Lois, you’d have to put your penis in a wheelbarrow”. “Just don’t forget our deal Lois. I sit through this and later tonight I get anal…You hear me? No matter how neat I want the house you have to clean it.” ---
**Author:** ![Killing\_Time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/76d3ee/32.png) [@Killing\_Time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Killing_Time)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/132 "2014-09-12T07:08:54Z")
This is kind of obscure, but I remember a TV special featuring Elvira. She has an accident where she gets hit in the head. Later, a man asks her, “How’s your head?”. She replies, “I haven’t had any complaints yet.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/133 "2014-09-12T09:35:10Z")
> [@Killing\_Time](#): > > This is kind of obscure, but I remember a TV special featuring Elvira. She has an accident where she gets hit in the head. Later, a man asks her, “How’s your head?”. She replies, “I haven’t had any complaints yet.” I think this is from her feature film _ **Elvira, Mistress of the Dark** _. IIRC, she had just slipped off a ladder after “correcting” the spelling on a cinema marqee (and going from something like “How to Cook a Duck” to “How to Fuck”). On _ **Movie Macabre** _, she once had a European horror flick that bordered on soft-core porn. Just before the station break, she asked the audience “What do they call women in Portugal who like other women? Lis-beons?” 😕 ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/134 "2014-09-12T10:36:42Z")
I haven’t seen it myself (so it might be apocryphal), but supposedly on _Laugh-In_ Jo Anne Worley pulls off a wig, revealing that she has no hair underneath (she’s wearing a bald-head cap). She then says: “I’ve never been bald on television before!” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/135 "2014-09-12T14:32:04Z")
It was Judy Carne, and the double entendre (bald/balled) got by the censors. ---
**Author:** ![Killing\_Time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/76d3ee/32.png) [@Killing\_Time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Killing_Time)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/136 "2014-09-12T19:01:35Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > I think this is from her feature film _ **Elvira, Mistress of the Dark** _. IIRC, she had just slipped off a ladder after “correcting” the spelling on a cinema marqee (and going from something like “How to Cook a Duck” to “How to Fuck”). Interesting. I saw it on TV, and the production values were so low, I had assumed it was written for TV. I don’t remember the “How to Fuck” part, so I’m guessing they censored that out. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/137 "2014-09-12T21:16:12Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > I still remember with wide-mouthed shock, Sophia telling the other Golden Girls about Blanche “playing hide the salami” with some guy. I have yet to find this line on the internets. Golden Girls had a lot of things like that. On inviting the mailman in for a warm bath; Blanche says -Dorothy, the man was just recovering from a hernia operation and he was having trouble carrying his sack. Dorothy: Wait, Blanche, aren’t you forgetting something? Blanche: Oh, no, I never wear underwear. When Blanche’s grandmother’s plantation was being torn down and she dragged the girls to Atlanta to see it, she handcuffed herself to the radiator in her old bedroom to prevent the workmen from dynamiting the place. DOROTHY: (gesturing to Blanche’s handcuffed wrist attached to the radiator) “How long to do you think you can keep that up?” BLANCHE: “My personal best is 32 hours…but then, I had someone to play with.” And on, and on, and on. Love that show so much. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/138 "2014-09-12T21:30:00Z")
> [@Wolf333](#): > > The Friends muffin scene: That’s not the episode where Chandler has made the resolution to be less snarky-- but Monica may still be baiting him on purpose. ---
**Author:** ![Stormcrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/0ea827/32.png) [@Stormcrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stormcrow)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/139 "2014-09-12T22:19:19Z")
> [@Killing\_Time](#): > > Interesting. I saw it on TV, and the production values were so low, I had assumed it was written for TV. I don’t remember the “How to Fuck” part, so I’m guessing they censored that out. She was walking under the marquee, and the cinema owner (who I think was her love interest in the film and somewhat dim, IIRC) dropped one of the letters he was putting up on her head, prompting the “How’s your head?” line… I don’t recall what the marquee read though. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296/140 "2014-09-12T22:35:30Z")
> [@Killing\_Time](#): > > This is kind of obscure, but I remember a TV special featuring Elvira. She has an accident where she gets hit in the head. Later, a man asks her, “How’s your head?”. She replies, “I haven’t had any complaints yet.” That was in the pilot for Max Headroom, too - both UK and US versions. Edison Carter was in a dust-up and took a hit to his head. On meeting his new controller, Theora Jones (Amanda Pays… wait a minute, I’ll get back to this…) - Theora: “How’s your head?” Carter: “Fine. How’s yours?” It’s subtle in the UK version, more smirking in the US one. A later episode had a line that made it all the way to the final S&P review: Carter: “Shit, that was my favorite blanket!” In the broadcast version, there’s a very rough cut that takes out this line. Remember, this was 1986… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/truly-smutty-lines-on-broadcast-tv/696296.md?page=8)