# Trump Headlines: As God is my witness, I couldn't tell which was the satire **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 18, 2019, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829 "2019-08-18T02:24:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2019, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/1 "2019-08-18T02:24:36Z")
Earlier this month, two headlines popped up on my news feed. I had a feeling that one of them had to be satire, but I couldn’t tell which one, without opening both and reading them: [Trump Demands Facebook Investigate Why Obama’s Post Got So Many Likes](https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-demands-facebook-investigate-why-obamas-post-got-so-many-likes) [Trump is drafting an order to regulate Facebook and Twitter for bias](https://www.theverge.com/2019/8/9/20798759/trump-social-media-regulation-fcc-ftc-conservative-bias) This is not a good sign. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2019, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/2 "2019-08-18T02:32:44Z")
Borowitz is always the satire one. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2019, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/3 "2019-08-18T02:54:48Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Borowitz is always the satire one. Sure - once you open it. I just had those two headlines on my feed. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2019, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/4 "2019-08-18T03:15:13Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > Sure - once you open it. I just had those two headlines on my feed. I don’t want to piss on your parade but… I knew which was which just by reading your headlines. Still, your general point is not wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2019, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/5 "2019-08-18T07:02:23Z")
What about [Christmas Miracle: Trump admits his Trade War is based on Lies](https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2019/08/donald-trump-christmas-tariffs) or [Trump Mocks “Serious Weight Problem” of supporter at his rally](https://www.thedailybeast.com/manchester-rally-trump-mocks-protesters-serious-weight-problem?ref=scroll)? Fact or satire? ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2019, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/6 "2019-08-18T07:06:28Z")
Trump trying to buy Greenland is a good one. I know it has historical precedent, but still. I’ve lost track of the ones that are really daft. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2019, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/7 "2019-08-18T08:39:35Z")
[Trump Compliments Campbell’s Soup: “Good Soup”.](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1418965/President-Trump-compliments-Campbell-soup-Good-soup.html) ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2019, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/8 "2019-08-26T17:17:34Z")
And today’s entry: [President Trump Denies Report that He Wants to Nuke Hurricanes](https://gizmodo.com/president-trump-denies-report-that-he-wants-to-nuke-hur-1837571397) ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2019, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/9 "2019-08-26T20:15:45Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > And today’s entry: > [President Trump Denies Report that He Wants to Nuke Hurricanes](https://gizmodo.com/president-trump-denies-report-that-he-wants-to-nuke-hur-1837571397) A horribly unfunny as everything is right now, I did laugh at that one. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2019, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/10 "2019-08-26T21:58:13Z")
At least he’s denying the idea, instead of saying “I’m listening.” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2019, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/11 "2019-08-26T23:34:54Z")
I had a hard time telling which one was true over the past 3 days. [ul] [li]Trump “hereby orders” American companies to find alternatives to China[/li][li]Trump says he was having “second thoughts”[/li][li]Trump got mad that he was quoted as having second thoughts, so now he’s doubled down again[/li][/ul] I’m so glad we didn’t elect Hillary. It would be stressful and confusing to have the stock market blown up because of some doddering moron on Twitter ordering American businesses to change their business strategies, right after he just finished throwing a tantrum about not being able to buy Greenland. And I’m even generously, consciously avoiding yesterday’s “nuke the hurricane” thing, because in fairness, many Americans would have trouble making an accurately proportioned drawing of a very small hurricane vs. a very large nuclear bomb. ---
**Author:** ![robby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robby/32/11048_2.png) [@robby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robby)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2019, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/12 "2019-08-27T00:20:04Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > …And I’m even generously, consciously avoiding yesterday’s “nuke the hurricane” thing, because in fairness, many Americans would have trouble making an accurately proportioned drawing of a very small hurricane vs. a very large nuclear bomb. Of course, unlike most Americans, Trump has advisors who could clear up any misconceptions he might have. Of course, he’d have to listen and comprehend what he was being told instead of going with his gut instinct like he usually does. Or maybe he could actually read something, or use his smartphone for something other than tweeting. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2019, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/13 "2019-08-27T00:29:55Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > What about [Christmas Miracle: Trump admits his Trade War is based on Lies](https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2019/08/donald-trump-christmas-tariffs) or [Trump Mocks “Serious Weight Problem” of supporter at his rally](https://www.thedailybeast.com/manchester-rally-trump-mocks-protesters-serious-weight-problem?ref=scroll)? > > Fact or satire? Haha. Like he’d ever admit he lied. And wasn’t it a protester rather than supporter? ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2019, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/14 "2019-08-27T00:48:32Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Haha. Like he’d ever admit he lied. And wasn’t it a protester rather than supporter? He unknowingly attacked the guy who had defended him from the protester. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2019, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/15 "2019-08-27T00:59:04Z")
[My favorite meme on the subject.](https://www.democraticunderground.com/100212382324) ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2019, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/16 "2019-08-27T01:06:49Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > He unknowingly attacked the guy who had defended him from the protester. In Donnie’s case, you could begin a sentence, “He unknowingly”… and complete the sentence with… well, just about anything. He does \*everything \*unknowingly. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2019, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/17 "2019-08-27T01:10:36Z")
> [@robby](#): > > Of course, unlike most Americans, Trump has advisors who could clear up any misconceptions he might have. Of course, he’d have to listen and comprehend what he was being told instead of going with his gut instinct like he usually does. Or maybe he could actually read something, or use his smartphone for something other than tweeting. Here’s a Trump quote that you automatically know is fake: “On the advice of my advisors, and considering several courses of action, I have decided…” ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2019, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-headlines-as-god-is-my-witness-i-couldnt-tell-which-was-the-satire/838829/18 "2019-08-27T01:10:54Z")
Let’s not forget the henchmen. [Pompeo: Melting sea ice presents ‘new opportunities for trade’](https://edition.cnn.com/2019/05/06/politics/pompeo-sea-ice-arctic-council/index.html)