# Trying not to be jealous! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 8, 2012, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093 "2012-09-08T14:36:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/21 "2012-09-10T04:46:14Z")
Envy: wanting what another has. Jealousy: fear of being replaced. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/22 "2012-09-10T04:54:02Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > When my friends do better then me then, because they’re my friends I’m glad for them. That’s the way I look at it. If I start to feel envious of a friend or family member who, seemingly with great ease, gets to have something I’ve always wanted for myself, I remember that’s _exactly_ the point. If I want something for myself, then I want it for my friends as well. If the friend gets to have whatever it is, and I don’t, it’s still good. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/23 "2012-09-10T05:30:13Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Envy: wanting what another has. > > Jealousy: fear of being replaced. What the heck? **looks it up** Well, I’ll be hornswoggled. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/24 "2012-09-10T12:06:51Z")
One of my friend recently had his car crashed into, the dude had to pay him out a goodly sum but has been dribbling the funds into the courthouse. Last week someone crashed into my car and the dude has to pay me out, he says he’s bringing the entire funds to me today. I could hear my mate gritting his teeth when I told him. Obviously he will be glad if I get the money promptly but he’ll still be pissed off if I do. **Incubus** Call your friend a **Jammy Bastard** as we do in England and have done with it. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/25 "2012-09-10T14:19:11Z")
Everybody feels it sometimes. My SO’s brother and sister-in-law basically get everything handed to them on a platter. Child care, living quarters, for the longest time, they were only paying $400 a month to the parents for rent, utilities, food, and lodging (their only other expenses were gas and daycare). After years of this, however, their relationship with the parents is irreparably damaged and no one in the situation is happy. I try to look at the big picture. Sure, maybe we don’t have all those advantages, but we take care of ourselves and don’t have to answer to anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Bass\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/43a26b/32.png) [@Bass\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bass_Chick)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/26 "2012-09-10T17:02:30Z")
Another thing to consider is that friend might be dealing with other struggles that you don’t know about. Things aren’t always a good as they look on the outside. ---
**Author:** ![smokey78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@smokey78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smokey78)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/27 "2012-09-10T17:41:08Z")
This is why I am rarely on Facebook, if I am, I’m posting about some trivia factoid, quote, etc. I am truly happier not hearing about other folks’ successes and such. Ignorance is truly bliss !If I do catch someone telling me their good news, I keep it in perspective. Like a friend announcing she was pregnant. It was good for her as that meant her IV treatments worked and that it was her last try. (and that she overcame brain surgery just ten yrs earlier). Heck, I won a sweepstakes and I won’t be posting that on FB. Not that it would make folks resentful but I don’t wanna have folks hitting me up for money. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/28 "2012-09-10T18:33:32Z")
I’m actually in a similar situation as your friend, and gosh, are my wife and I happy that both of her parents died within 6 months of one another, at the ages of 69 and 70, and left us with a house which, when sold, will pay off our modest credit card debt and leave us with a little something for our own retirement. Life is swell now, because having a little extra money is so much better than having live parents!! I’ll bet you’re really jealous and wish your family members would die, too! ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/29 "2012-09-10T21:01:32Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > Life is swell now, because having a little extra money is so much better than having live parents!! It might be, if your parents were assholes. ---
**Author:** ![Crab\_Rangoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Crab\_Rangoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crab_Rangoon)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/30 "2012-09-10T23:52:53Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > What the heck? **looks it up** Well, I’ll be hornswoggled. Huh? **looks it up** Well, I’m flabbergasted. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/31 "2012-09-11T13:11:07Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > It might be, if your parents were assholes. Well, my in-laws weren’t. Sorry if I went off there, but the deaths of my wife’s parents (one expected, one not) and dealing with the aftermath have been such a huge steaming pile of suck that the very idea that inheriting a house makes any of it even remotely worth it just rubs me the wrong way. OP, realize that your friend’s perceived good fortune has come at a very large cost. Not everything is all about money. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/32 "2012-09-12T02:51:13Z")
The in-laws aren’t dead- just because they inherited a house doesn’t mean the owners are deceased. His wife’s parents are alive and well, living in another state. ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/33 "2012-09-12T03:17:51Z")
Hey, as long as we’re talking dead in-laws, I’ll be happy to sacrifice mine to anyone or anything. Got a penny? Done. Lesser demons preferred. ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/34 "2012-09-12T16:05:31Z")
Let me preface this by saying that I love my life, I love farming, and I wouldn’t trade it for a an office job and a house in the city. With that said, what I do is hard, it doesn’t pay a whole lot and I don’t get much time off the land. When a friend announced that she and her husband were taking a two week trip to Costa Rica, I was quite envious. I didn’t beat myself up for for my feelings because I’m not the Buddha-just a regular Jane doing the best I can. I also didn’t piss on her parade because I reminded myself of all the strings that went along with the trip-commuting to work every day, putting up with all the office bullshit and all the other things I don’t want that I’d have to do to fly away for two weeks. I think what you’re feeling is perfectly reasonable. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/35 "2012-09-12T16:17:48Z")
> [@Crab\_Rangoon](#): > > Huh? **looks it up** Well, I’m flabbergasted. Huh? **looks it up** Well, I’m beside myself with bewildered astonishment. And in astonished bewilderment. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/36 "2012-09-12T17:00:34Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Huh? **looks it up** Well, I’m beside myself with bewildered astonishment. And in astonished bewilderment. Glad to know I’m not just seeing double. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/37 "2012-09-12T18:18:15Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > The in-laws aren’t dead- just because they inherited a house doesn’t mean the owners are deceased. His wife’s parents are alive and well, living in another state. OK, fair enough. “Inherited” usually implies that somebody died. And my own recent experience has made me a bit touchy on that subject. Your friend’s in-laws gave him a free house, then. That’s something I can see getting envious over. But, yeah, you gotta let this shit go. It’d be nice if the lucky breaks in life were distributed evenly, but we all know that ain’t the case. Best you can do is take care of your own life as well as you’re able, which it sounds like you’re already doing. Carry on! ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2012, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/38 "2012-09-15T03:46:30Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > What the heck? **looks it up** Well, I’ll be hornswoggled. Don’t be. It’s like less and fewer–a distinction that prescriptivists push but hasn’t existed in a long, long time. ---
**Author:** ![Quint](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/76d3ee/32.png) [@Quint](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quint)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2012, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093/39 "2012-09-15T04:52:47Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > I know we learn early on we shouldn’t compare our achievements to others, or care that somebody has something we don’t, but there’s an irrational part of me thats jealous anyway. Why? > > Because my best friend basically inherited a house from his in-laws, along with a fat check that paid off all his debts. Meanwhile, my wife and I resigned ourselves to the fact that it will take many years of disciplined saving to get a good down payment on a house we want. Years of reminding myself that no, I cant really afford that 7-11 donut/coffee/new computer/hovercraft, I’m trying to save up for a house and staydebt free. > > Deep down I know I’m doing things the ‘right’ way; my wife and I live debt free, she earnwd a grant to pay for grad school, I work plenty of overtime and my wife and I cooperate and collaborate on finances and budgets. But sometimes its hard to see it, particularly when I see my friend, through no self-discipline on his part, just get handed these things that will take me years to accomplish on my own. This morning, as I get ready to work my 19th day off this year, I’m just feeling irrationally bitter about it. 😕 Sounds like you and your wife have a good and strong relationship. As long as you two are happy together you have all you need to live well. Remember, “the best revenge is living well.” as long as you are happy with what you have, others will envy you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-not-to-be-jealous/634093.md?page=1)