# Trying to decide which of you I should kidnap **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 24, 2026, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348 "2026-05-24T12:22:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/21 "2026-05-24T17:54:16Z")
Which makes me think of movies. There has to have been a movie, or at least a sketch, where some bumbling bad guys kidnap somebody so annoying they “throw them back” just to be rid of the irritation. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Girlfriend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.girlfriend/32/193_2.png) [@Dr.Girlfriend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Girlfriend)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/22 "2026-05-24T18:03:09Z")
Yep, I’m in the insurance industry and Kidnap and Ransom insurance is absolutely a thing. The policies we’ve sold have the client names redacted. That being said, I don’t think you want to kidnap me. I’m not sure my cats would pay the ransom. ---
**Author:** ![whitetho](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whitetho/32/1059_2.png) [@whitetho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whitetho)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/23 "2026-05-24T18:35:04Z")
As mentioned earlier, The Ransom of Red Chief is a cautionary tale: [https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=uiuo.ark:/13960/s29x8wh7zs8&seq=14](https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=uiuo.ark:/13960/s29x8wh7zs8&seq=14) ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/24 "2026-05-24T18:37:36Z")
My church would offer something. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/25 "2026-05-24T18:43:10Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > There has to have been a movie, or at least a sketch, where some bumbling bad guys kidnap somebody so annoying they “throw them back” just to be rid of the irritation. My first thought was Stanley Spadoski from UHF [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/xOCBpMs-9hY/maxresdefault.jpg "UHF (10/12) Movie CLIP - Stanley Is Kidnapped (1989) HD") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOCBpMs-9hY) ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/26 "2026-05-24T18:46:30Z")
Wasn’t there a story that someone tried to hijack a school bus a couple of a years back and just gave up because the kids were so annoying? Yeah, there we go: > **[School bus hijacker gives up because children kept asking him annoying questions](https://www.indy100.com/news/school-bus-hijacker-south-carolina-frustrated-over-kids-b1851880)** > > A South Carolina school bus driver has revealed how 18 fearless children nagged themselves to safety, after being held hostage by an armed hijacker.Kenneth Corbin spoke to Good Morning America about the children aboard his bus when Army trainee Jovan... I think it would take a while before anyone really noticed I’d gone, as I’m not working regular hours. It’d take a couple of missed meetings before someone thought to chase up. Except my pet rats would notice dinner not showing up, of course, so you’d need to arrange for someone to come and feed them, unless I can bring them. Oh, and someone would need to pop round to water the plants, which takes longer than you’d think, or I’d never shut up about it. Really it sounds like more trouble than it’s worth. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/27 "2026-05-24T19:10:42Z")
I think my cat might raise a fuss when she realized she was missing dinner. But I don’t know that she’d have much to offer. Would you take a dead lizard? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/28 "2026-05-24T21:12:53Z")
I’d exasperate you. As for money, my lawyer Attny.Licky-lips has all my particulars. He’s your average shyster type so good luck getting 3 cents. My kids would try to borrow money off you. Watch out for Son-of-a-wrek, he talks fast and moves his hands around, next thing you know he has your credit card and a little cash for the ride over. I’d go willingly tho. 😁 ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/29 "2026-05-24T21:17:49Z")
We’re rather broke lately. I wouldn’t be worth the trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/30 "2026-05-24T21:20:58Z")
My agents will track you down and make you roux the day. They’re top people. Top. . .people. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/31 "2026-05-24T21:46:52Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > make you roux the day So you’re saying the OP would really be in the soup? 🤪 ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/32 "2026-05-24T23:18:39Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > So you’re saying the OP would really be in the soup The plot thickens. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/33 "2026-05-24T23:22:01Z")
And darkens. Dark plots are the worst. Perhaps they could add some savory capers to make it an especially … savory caper. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/34 "2026-05-24T23:24:41Z")
I have no kids, no siblings, and no family to speak of. And I can be a real PITA. Probably not a good candidate. 🤷🏽 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/35 "2026-05-24T23:55:09Z")
It appears that on the whole, Dopers aren’t in much danger of being kidnapped. I guess that should be a comfort. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/36 "2026-05-24T23:59:17Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > I have no kids, no siblings, and no family to speak of. And I can be a real PITA. Probably not a good candidate. I think you’ve found your target @FairyChatMom. ThelmaLou doth protest too much. I’m guessing she’s a well loved heiress to a massive fortune. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2026, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/37 "2026-05-25T00:08:29Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Here’s the deal - I’m going to sneak up behind you, drop a sack over your head, and spirit you away to a secure location That’s how Mrs. J. and I hooked up. She was resistant in the beginning but came around. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2026, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/38 "2026-05-25T00:47:26Z")
My daughter-in-law is 9 months pregnant. Her father died when she was 6, and she’s made it clear she wants her child to have a grandpa. You’ll be messing with a woman hopped up on hormones. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2026, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/39 "2026-05-25T01:58:58Z")
You can kidnap me. I enjoy your posts. If you threatened to lock me in a room with Otis\*, I might pay the ransom myself. Oh–don’t take me on the boat\*\* unless you enjoy vomit everywhere. Just sayin’. \*Otis = **FCM** ’s dog. \*\* The **Fairychats** have a boat. ---
**Author:** ![knavette57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knavette57/32/3871_2.png) [@knavette57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knavette57)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2026, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348/40 "2026-05-25T02:06:43Z")
Hmmmm, it may be that kidnapping will be a good break for me. I can relax, and have some peace and quiet for once, especially if you don’t just lock me up somewhere. Even in that instance, I can just catch up on some sleep. I would guess that my spouse would part with a few ten thousands, ( as few as possible, though, like…one or …half of one…) but that’s just a guess. Might be a good idea not to put him to the test. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trying-to-decide-which-of-you-i-should-kidnap/1030348.md?page=3)