I think of my logical self as a nattering little monkey who, once my emotions have made a choice, comes up with some rationalization and then tells everybody he came up with the rationalization before I made the choice, and, indeed, that he is in charge.
Whatever metaphor you like, though, it is very easy for us to understand the rational basis of making choices, which we can talk about, but it isn’t really there. It’s just something we tell ourselves. It seems like we think stuff through, but we don’t.
There are plenty of valid reasons to restrict cigarette smoke that I will agree with. “I might be tempted to have one” is not on that list. I personally have nothing but contempt for those who would restrict the rights of others merely to keep themselves out of temptation. It’s the classic “you can’t have cake because I’m on a diet.”
I drank heavily for about 26 years, and stopped when the doctor who’d sewn up my internal bleeding said I could quit and live for a good long while or keep drinking and be dead within a year or two. I stopped drinking, 1 year 13 days and 16 hours ago. The only physical withdrawal symptom I had was an inability to sleep for a couple of days, and that went away. I’d always said, kidding on the square, that my alcohol abuse wasn’t a problem, it was a hobby, and I’d quit when they told me I had to. It seemed right, but I never bothered to try until I had to, and it was… I don’t want to say easy, but the Celiac’s been more of a pain in the ass than the sobriety. No meetings, no serious temptations, just an amazing amount of luck. I don’t see it personally, but I know how skeptical I’d be of a story that involved all of the above and not addiction. I’m just less convinced that I had a long term addiction like that and just shrugged it off.
I quit cigarettes about 10 years ago, finally, after several false starts one of which lasted a year and a half, and six months after I was off them I was still reaching for one every time I exited a building, got a cup of coffee, etc. It was deeply, deeply unpleasant. I’m reasonably sure I could have a drink and not go back to the bottle. I won’t even touch a cigarette, because no way in hell am I going through that shit again, and I’d be out getting a pack before I stopped throwing up from the first few hits.
One thing every successful salesman is aware of on some level: People buy with emotion and justify with reason.
I think this is how I need to approach the OP. Addiction being that concept cranked up to 11, so that the ‘decision’ to use is a foregone conclusion, not really even a decision but an act, which the rational mind will justify just enough to quiet the conscience long enough to allow the action.
Good point, I think that the questionnaire sheets that the doctor and treatment community use do a disservice to what true alcoholism is, versus just functional discretionary use. I’m a few social drinks per week person, such as 2 glasses of wine for a nice dinner, 3-4 drinks at a night at the pub a couple times a month. According to the medical community and assessment questionnaires I’ve found on the web, I’m a serious alcoholic that needs treatment.
Some people are just different and don’t have addictive personalities, or their addictions come in different forms than the usual suspects. I drink socially maybe once a month. I’ve gotten very drunk. I usually drink mixed drinks or heavily flavored drinks like fireball because I don’t care for the taste of alcohol. I don’t particularly enjoy the sensation of being buzzed or drunk but I guess it loosens me up a bit. My wife is the complete opposite. I am curious how I’d react to hard drugs (MDMA in particular intrigues me), but still would never touch the stuff.
I have, however, been quite addicted to video games, though that’s tapered off in the last couple years.
If this explanation concerning additional allows you to better support your daughter, wonderful. If it interferes which providing that support, then it’s not useful.
Addiction is a very complex phenomenon, with treatment specialists, researchers, psychologists, psychiatrists and addicts themselves unable to really to agree on what it is exactly and often if particular people are addicts or not.
However, worrying what is addiction may be missing the point, which is you have a daughter who needs your help.
Some people I knew who are recovering alcoholics and whom I respect their wisdom often point out worrying about the whys isn’t particularly useful for becoming and staying sober. They can’t handle drinking, so worry about how to keep from drinking and how to handle the problems which often lead you to drink.
I am a dual diagnosis, I’ve got PTSD and I’m a recovering alcoholic. I self medicated for my anxiety by drinking and then drinking took on a life of it’s own.
I’ll try to write more about this because it may be relevant to your daughter’s situation.
I’ll address this more, but the anxiety and hurt can be overwhelming. I once broke a bone while camping as a boyscout. It look six hours to get to the hospital and by then I was passing out from the pain and just overall stress.
However, in terms of distress on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the worst pain and anxiety I’ve ever personally experienced, that episode was only a 5 or 6. The emotional pain and anxieties can be an 11, as you put it. You simply have to stop it. You can’t endure it. You do what you have to stop it. Cutting can do that. I did that. Drinking can do that. I did that.
You have to find a better way, it’s simply not sustainable. It leads to suicide, addiction or going crazy.
