# Tuckerfan, you dog hating bastard. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 27, 2005, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465 "2005-07-27T20:56:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/1 "2005-07-27T20:56:11Z")
[Satire inspired by the comments in this thread.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=327461) You have the most depraved sense of humor that I have ever encountered. Probably the worst on the entire planet earth, if not the universe itself. I cannot even believe that I share a species with you. I cannot believe that you are even considered a carbon-based life form. Nothing in the entire history of humanity on this planet can possibly compare to the terrible void that you must have in place of a soul, to find the pictures linked in that thread funny. How dare you sir? How dare you? You are probably the kind of person that goes around popping little kids balloons with your cigar, offering to help little old ladies across the street only to trip them half way (and in front of a truck) and then run off, stealing from girl scouts, drowning cats and kicking bums. You probably have a big black mustache that you twirl while you do this as well, and I just bet that you tie maidens to logs in sawmills or some shit. All that I can say is thank goodness for the sensitive and caring souls in that thread who have, at least to some extent, helped me to see that not all people are capable of the noxious evil that you have show in that thread. Anyway, I would post some more but I really need to put a cool cloth on my head and lie down. You have given me a positively gruesome attack of the vapors. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/2 "2005-07-27T21:04:44Z")
That’s absolutely awful and not funny in the least. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/3 "2005-07-27T21:10:20Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > [Satire inspired by the comments in this thread.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=327461) > > offering to help little old ladies across the street only to trip them half way (and in front of a truck) I have **never** seen him trip a little old lady in front of a truck! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/4 "2005-07-27T21:10:37Z")
Pretty good satire. Nicely done. And FTR I laughed my ass off at those pictures. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/5 "2005-07-27T21:11:56Z")
A lot of things that we, as humans, find funny are also awful. In fact, one of the primary functions of laughter (if I remember my pop psychology correctly) is that it serves as a sort of alchemy to transform that which we find painful into an emotion that we enjoy. Hell, if we couldn’t laugh at the absurd and painful we would not be able to react to a lot of life. But you hot house flowers just keep falling all over yourselves to put on display just how full of compassion and refined sensitivities you truly are. Give me a break. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/6 "2005-07-27T21:15:40Z")
The picture was pretty funny. This parody OP, on the other hand, was hi-larious. Nicely done, **Binarydrone** , nicely done. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/7 "2005-07-27T21:21:23Z")
Bravo! Good pitting, Binary! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/8 "2005-07-27T21:26:52Z")
What about the golf clap? When do I get the golf clap? ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/9 "2005-07-27T21:28:41Z")
No, but I can give you a good deal on a Bronx cheer. ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/10 "2005-07-27T21:31:11Z")
What bothers me is that noone is mad at the porcupine for putting the skewer to the pit bull? Of course, noone is mad at the pit bull for attacking the porcupine… What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. Stay outta my booze. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/11 "2005-07-27T21:35:12Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > You are probably the kind of person that goes around popping little kids balloons with your cigar, offering to help little old ladies across the street only to trip them half way (and in front of a truck) and then run off, stealing from girl scouts, drowning cats and kicking bums. Hey, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. I get endless enjoyment popping little kid’s balloons. I don’t drown cats though, I feed them to my pet piranhas as a humbe knod to cosmic law of karma. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/12 "2005-07-27T21:38:21Z")
That’s one horrible picture. One of my first jobs at the humane society was cataloguing photographs showing fresh injuries that pit-bulls sustained in dogfights, though, so those pictures strike a pretty strong cord with me. I don’t blame folks for finding them funny; I find plenty of things funny that are wholly awful. They just make me cringe instead of giggle. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/13 "2005-07-27T21:48:18Z")
That isn’t a pit, that is a bull terrier. Or is there some difference I’m not aware of? \<-- most likely option. ---
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/14 "2005-07-27T22:00:44Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > But you hot house flowers just keep falling all over yourselves to put on display just how full of compassion and refined sensitivities you truly are. Give me a break. This just in: Hot house flowers everywhere cry, “Fuck you, don’t compare us to those pussies.” FWIW, I found the picture amusing as well. Nature meets nature: Little guy comes out on top for once. And, yes, poor dog. That sucked and was painful, but she’s fine now. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/15 "2005-07-27T22:01:57Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > But you hot house flowers just keep falling all over yourselves to put on display just how full of compassion and refined sensitivities you truly are. This sentence makes me giggle. Hot house flowers. Hee! [sub]I hope THAT’S not a bad thing![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Hoodoo\_Ulove](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/58956e/32.png) [@Hoodoo\_Ulove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoodoo_Ulove)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/16 "2005-07-27T22:10:13Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > …you hot house flowers just keep falling all over yourselves to put on display just how full of compassion and refined sensitivities you truly are. Give me a break. You hardboiled cynics just keep falling all over yourselves to put on display just how full of manly toughness you truly are. Give me a break. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/17 "2005-07-27T22:16:43Z")
> [@Hoodoo Ulove](#): > > You hardboiled cynics just keep falling all over yourselves to put on display just how full of manly toughness you truly are. Give me a break. Yep. That’s why _I_ think it’s funny that that porcupine fucked that dog right up, because it makes me feel tough. Because that makes sense. ---
**Author:** ![Metacom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/18 "2005-07-27T22:20:23Z")
> [@Hoodoo Ulove](#): > > You hardboiled cynics just keep falling all over yourselves to put on display just how full of manly toughness you truly are. Give me a break. Damn straight! I say, when life gives you a face full of quills, make quill juice! ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/19 "2005-07-27T22:59:40Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > What about the golf clap? When do I get the golf clap? well if you used club covers they wouldn’t\*\* get\*\* the clap. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465/20 "2005-07-27T23:01:59Z")
I certainly hope none of the people who got upset in the prior thread laugh at the Darwin awards or the like. Lord knows something can’t be funny after the fact. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tuckerfan-you-dog-hating-bastard/314465.md?page=2)