# Turn me off, ladies! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 18, 2001, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936 "2001-02-18T01:21:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/1 "2001-02-18T01:21:12Z")
I enjoyed **Chief Scott** ’s thread where he claims to be an overseas serviceman and gets all the sexy SD women to describe themselves doing sexy things. In fact, I daresay it got me positively excited! Before i turn on the cold shower, here, was wondering if you ladies could do something disgusting or generally offputting to calm me down here. MAN-HANDS need not apply. ---
**Author:** ![Carina42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Carina42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carina42)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/2 "2001-02-18T01:54:34Z")
Well. Would farting during sex count? I heard hilarious joke once. Can’t remember the joke, but the punch line was //affect cheesy Vietnamese accent here// “Front hole so happy, back hole sing song!” ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/3 "2001-02-18T02:03:56Z")
Hey Dr, before you hit the shower would you mind lancing this cyst? It’s got about 1000 cc’s of putrid gunk in it. You could use a cup to catch it all. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/4 "2001-02-18T02:13:01Z")
::walks in, hand down her pants, scratching vigorously:: I have this rash… ::drops pants, hands cream to Dr\_P.:: Could you help me with this? ::scratches ass, farts, sniffs fingers:: ::sweet smile, ruined by the stench of a mouth that hasn’t been brushed in a few… DAYS:: Thanks so much. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/5 "2001-02-18T02:18:13Z")
Well sometimes if I don’t take a bath for a few weeks, I can scrape this thick white cheesy stuff from between my … . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . toes. ---
**Author:** ![tubagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b77776/32.png) [@tubagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tubagirl)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/6 "2001-02-18T03:10:47Z")
:slipping into the strap-on: [singsong voice] Oh Mr. Paprika… ---
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/7 "2001-02-18T03:38:16Z")
::Picks up corner of sheet and blows nose lustily. Hacks big green loogie onto the pillow, right next to **Dr Paprika’s** ear:: “I hab a diddle code.” \ ---
**Author:** ![Angkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@Angkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angkins)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/8 "2001-02-18T03:46:36Z")
Love me… love my dog. _ **I SAID LOVE MY DOG!!!** _ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sylkyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@Sylkyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylkyn)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/9 "2001-02-18T03:47:02Z")
Wow…I never realized I had all these freckles on my stomach before! Hey. How come they’re moving?? HEY!!! Don’t go down there… So anyway, what time do you want to pick me up, doll? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/10 "2001-02-18T04:21:29Z")
dr\_paprika, you are my favorite thread-starter. excepting that humorless rant about the atlantic canadian welfare leeches, that is. (insert smirking winky emoticon here) glad you got that off your chest and are back to the business of being funny. your fan, essvee ---
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/11 "2001-02-18T04:47:51Z")
Hunny, while your there, will you pop my butt pimple, the damn thing has been driving me nuts. I know you are in the middle of doing me doggy style but can’t you see that thing just glowing in the candle light? ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/12 "2001-02-18T04:57:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Angkins \* > \*\*Love me… love my dog. > _ **I SAID LOVE MY DOG!!!** _ > > 😃 \*\* _ **SNORT** _ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![deb2world](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@deb2world](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deb2world)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/13 "2001-02-18T05:14:50Z")
Let’s talk about my ex. I want to tell you everything about the relationship. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![aseymayo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@aseymayo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aseymayo)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/14 "2001-02-18T05:35:58Z")
My lackofgod, can’t a woman pick her nose in peace around here? No, it’s “turn me on,” “turn me off,” do this, do that - would it kill you to say “please” once in a while? And while we’re on the subject of your manners… ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/15 "2001-02-18T05:47:42Z")
I’ll be with you in a second, but in the meantime I need to drain my cat’s abscesses. Could you just hand me the hydrogen peroxide and cotton balls there? Thanks. Whew - did you ever notice how bad pus SMELLS? ---
**Author:** ![Soda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@Soda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soda)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/16 "2001-02-18T10:52:57Z")
It just hit me; I haven’t shaved my legs in _weeks_. I bet you I have hairer legs than you do. Wanna compare? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/17 "2001-02-18T11:15:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by soda \* > \*\*It just hit me; I haven’t shaved my legs in _weeks_. I bet you I have hairer legs than you do. Wanna compare? > 😃 \*\* Did you ever get really bored and, like, start braiding your underarm hair…? ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/18 "2001-02-18T11:19:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by soda \* > \*\*It just hit me; I haven’t shaved my legs in _weeks_. I bet you I have hairer legs than you do. Wanna compare? > 😃 \*\* ☹ I haven’t shaved my legs since sometime last summer. I guess I’m a walking turn-off ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Soda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@Soda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soda)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/19 "2001-02-18T11:26:21Z")
Oh, Opal, of course you’re not a walking turn-off. It’s just one of those things guys like to complain about. I _haven’t_ shaved my legs in weeks, but fortunatly, my guy doesn’t mind. He made fun of me once and started pulling my leg hairs, but I just pulled back and that was the end of that. I don’t see much point in shaving during the cold season. Braiding my underarm hair? Now that you mention it… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Girlbysea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Girlbysea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlbysea)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turn-me-off-ladies/54936/20 "2001-02-18T20:49:41Z")
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