# Turning down requests for money, when you just don't think it's a good idea **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 18, 2023, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762 "2023-10-18T18:08:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/21 "2023-10-18T20:09:35Z")
I wonder if there’s a Hallmark card with that sentiment? I really need that. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/22 "2023-10-18T20:11:29Z")
You owe her an answer (if she insists on one), but you do not owe her a justification for it. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/23 "2023-10-18T20:21:42Z")
> [@StarvingButStrong](#): > > So, what to do? Make a donation to Planned Parenthood in her name. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/24 "2023-10-18T20:22:37Z")
I don’t think they owe her an answer. I’d argue Miss Manners over this. If it was their daughter, yeah “Honey, I’m your parent and no I will not pay for this because it’s a bad idea.” But “Second cousin-once-removed I ain’t paying for your baby-or-not, so go away!” Not necessary. Just don’t donate. Stop worrying about it. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/25 "2023-10-18T20:33:42Z")
Tell her IVF causes autism. ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/26 "2023-10-18T21:04:48Z")
“is this really how babby made?” ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/27 "2023-10-18T21:05:08Z")
> [@StarvingButStrong](#): > > Anyway, I don’t want to donate to this, but how do I word it? I “Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Oh wait, you’re serious? No.” ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/28 "2023-10-18T21:05:24Z")
> [@StarvingButStrong](#): > > hat we should all think of it as our combined birthday/Christmas/New Years/Whatever gift to the couple. Do you normally give this person birthday/Christmas gifts? If not, I wouldn’t say anything - if some family member of mine starts a Go Fund Me for something I don’t want to contribute to, I just scroll on by and say nothing. I would probably do that even if I did normally give them gifts. \* For whatever reason - maybe my second cousin wants some medical treatment that insurance doesn’t cover because it’s ineffective. Maybe it’s another (wealthier than I ) second cousin whose son was in the hospital for a couple of weeks with the flu, who is now trying to raise money for bucket list experiences ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/29 "2023-10-18T21:23:45Z")
> [@StarvingButStrong](#): > > we should all think of it as our combined birthday/Christmas/New Years/Whatever gift to the couple. For the child of a cousin? I’d go to a Hallmark store and get a selection of Christmas/Birthday/Thanksgiving/Halloween/Passover/Thinking of You/Bat Mitzvah cards and send those to her. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/30 "2023-10-18T21:29:55Z")
Tell her you’re willing to donate $10 for condoms to cover the test tubes. (I will concede that I’m not too clear on the technical details of IVF treatment.) There was a House episode where it turned out that it wasn’t Lupus. The woman was getting sick because she was getting IVF hormonal treatment and _also_ taking contraceptive pills. She desperately didn’t want another kid, but thought her husband might leave her if she told him. ---
**Author:** ![TheCuse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thecuse/32/2854_2.png) [@TheCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheCuse)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/31 "2023-10-18T21:47:26Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > There’s always one of those in a family. They ask for wedding costs donations. New baby donations. > We had one who wanted the family to foot the bill for her daughters _Sweet 16_ party. Ummm. Nope. > > If there’s a real health emergency or a funeral expense money I would help. But not the party stuff. And certainly not to have a baby when they have kids already. I’m the same way. Lately the Facebook groups I belong to have a bunch of people wanting money for their dog or cat’s vet bills. Sorry–I ain’t helping. ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/32 "2023-10-18T21:59:00Z")
honest Q: when has “begging for non-emergencies” become socially acceptable? that seems to have become more-and-more a thing over the past 5 or so years, or am I wrong? practical answer: +1 ignore request, if pressed for an answer “husband and I decided not to, thx for your understanding” ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/33 "2023-10-18T22:00:02Z")
Well, glad you all seem to agree the new baby is a really bad idea. And, luckily for non-confrontational me, the overwhelming view is to either say ‘no’ w/o anything further, or simply continue to say nothing at all. I think I can handle that, unless she manages to buttonhole me in the flesh at some party or such. Unfortunately the season for family get-togethers are closing in. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/34 "2023-10-18T22:18:31Z")
Since it has become lucrative. Lots easier to beg over social media than knock on the door with your hand out. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/35 "2023-10-18T22:39:50Z")
I forget where I encountered it in the last few days, but somebody had set up a gofundme for something kinda worthy, but still for their personal benefit, hoping to raise 50K. They ended up with 500K. ---
**Author:** ![TheCuse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thecuse/32/2854_2.png) [@TheCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheCuse)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/36 "2023-10-18T22:43:53Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Since it has become lucrative. Lots easier to beg over social media than knock on the door with your hand out. It sure has. And so many I’ve seen are utter bullshit and fake. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/37 "2023-10-18T23:02:02Z")
> [@StarvingButStrong](#): > > I think I can handle that, unless she manages to buttonhole me in the flesh at some party or such. > > Unfortunately the season for family get-togethers are closing in. ☹ Learn from a professional: [“Towel!”](https://youtu.be/Je4QCA5KCuc?si=I_XHtWkjqcfgDMYL&t=1m12s) Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2023, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/38 "2023-10-19T00:09:54Z")
I agree ignoring it is the best option here, but it she asks you can say, “Sorry, it’s not in the budget.” She doesn’t need to know what _is_ in the budget. Just that her IVF is not a part of it. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2023, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/39 "2023-10-19T00:53:42Z")
I can’t do it. I could never forgive myself if I helped you do what you are planning and it turned out that it made your life worse. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2023, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762/40 "2023-10-19T00:58:19Z")
OTOH, sometimes its _fun_ to throw gasoline on a dumpster fire. Even better if you can sell tickets and popcorn. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/turning-down-requests-for-money-when-you-just-dont-think-its-a-good-idea/991762.md?page=3)