# TV Western characters who were dicks. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 8, 2019, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862 "2019-09-08T01:51:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/21 "2019-09-09T01:57:01Z")
> [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > Ben Cartwright must have terrorized everyone in Nevada Territory. Adam, and later Hoss, simply disappeared and no one, not even Little Joe, ever questioned it. Adam went to college in England-the actor was pissed off that the TV show made no political comment. Dan Blocker died of a heart attack. There was a Father Son conversation with Ben and Little Joe on the shore of Lake Tahoe. “I guess that big heart finally gave out.” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/22 "2019-09-09T01:59:15Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > He was once kicked by a mare when she found out who he was. Turned out she’d lost a colt at Bitter Creek. > > He also could have just grown a beard to hide his identity, but he didn’t want to cover his rugged dimpled chin. He carried around that damn broken sword! “Why the hell are you carrying around a broken sword?” “I was dishonorably discharged from the US Army.” “Well, fuck you!” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/23 "2019-09-09T02:02:38Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > The man was married three times, and apparently no one ever thought this was suspicious. > > “Well, you see, Your Honor, my first wife died from eating poison mushrooms. My second wife died from eating poison mushrooms. My third wife died from a crushed skull. She wouldn’t eat her mushrooms…” Outstanding, Sir! Out fucking standing! This forum requires that you wait 60 seconds between posts. Please try again in 1 seconds. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/24 "2019-09-09T02:14:21Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > He carried around that damn broken sword! > “Why the hell are you carrying around a broken sword?” > “I was dishonorably discharged from the US Army.” > “Well, fuck you!” Oh, what a giveaway! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/25 "2019-09-09T03:07:53Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > Why McCord didn’t just change his name was never explained. Because there wouldn’t be a TV show if he did. Hmmm, I sense a fundamental problem with the series premise. Same question (and answer) applies to what the Boy Named Sue didn’t just change his name. Aside from a bad name, his daddy left him with a shortage of brains, too. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/26 "2019-09-09T03:33:12Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > The Lone Ranger and Tonto are surrounded by a marauding band of Indians: > > “Well, Tonto, this is it. Looks like we die together.” > > “Ugnnn, what you mean ‘we,’ white man?” [1989 Weetabix advert.](https://youtu.be/pjPTn44ibRM) ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/27 "2019-09-09T05:15:28Z")
Probably more than half the characters on _Deadwood_ were dicks, and even most of the “good guys” could be pretty unpleasant. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/28 "2019-09-09T05:32:06Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I read the books. He’s tragic, for sure. He takes way too long to acknowledge his son. > I get his need to be a strong leader but hanging his friend is really a dick move. But, maybe that’s just me. I respect your judgment, and I’ll admit I doubt I could have done the same, but Jake was a friend of their youth who’d made many wrong turns since their Ranger days. •He hit Laurie. •He went off gambling, leaving Laurie unprotected, though he knew Blue Duck was in the area. • When Blue Duck kidnapped Laurie, Jake didn’t go after her. • He took up with the most brutal of outlaws. True, he was once again trying to escape punishment for the unlucky shot that killed a man, but he stuck with the Suggs brothers even after they’d murdered and burned several people. Jake was always a weak. self-centered man who did what was easiest for Jake. (When McCrae tells him they got Laurie back from Blue Duck, Jake can’t even recall who she is.) Call said Jake had crossed a line, and he had, but riding with the Suggs brothers was only the last line. Call doesn’t order the hangings alone. Nor does he do it coldly. It’s Gus who says, “Ride with an outlaw, die with him. I admit it’s a harsh code. But you rode on the other side long enough to know how it works.” It’s Call you says, “I’m sorry it’s us, Jake–I wish it had fallen to someone else.” Sorry to go on at such length, and I didn’t mean to jack the thread. McMurtry has been one of my favorite writers since I was 17. It says a lot that the scene is sympathetic to Gus, to Call, to Newt, and to Jake, who’s crossed a line he didn’t even recognize. Damn, that’s a good book. ---
**Author:** ![kirkrapine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7ea924/32.png) [@kirkrapine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kirkrapine)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/29 "2019-09-09T05:35:27Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > “Doctor say, you going to die, Kemo Sabe.” [after the Indians bring in a large force of white naked women] "Dammit, Tonto, I told you to bring a posse! A **posse!"** ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/30 "2019-09-09T12:30:47Z")
“Kemo Sabe, tribe say you wear that mask 'cause you ashamed of our relationship.” ---
**Author:** ![Smid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/838e76/32.png) [@Smid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smid)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/31 "2019-09-09T12:46:50Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > Everyone Jason McCord met in _[Branded](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Branded_(TV_series))_. It seemed like the Old West was populated by people who lost someone at the Battle of Bitter Creek. > > Why McCord didn’t just change his name was never explained. Over Macho Grande? No, I don’t think I’ll ever get over Macho Grande. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/32 "2019-09-09T14:24:24Z")
Tonto, not realizing that the Lone Ranger had disguised himself as a pool table… ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/33 "2019-09-09T15:19:23Z")
The Lone Ranger, coming on to a showgirl after a few drinks: “I’m lonely, ma’am. Really lonely.” ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/34 "2019-09-09T15:39:51Z")
Too bad nobody turned Brokeback Mountain into a mini-series. That was a tale about a couple of dicks. Little Joe Cartwright also had a wife who was killed by some gang members that broke into their cabin, terrorized her, and set the cabin on fire after killing her. No wonder those Cartwright men couldn’t get wives. I’ve also thought Adam started using his mother’s birth name of McIntyre, and fathered a line that lead to Trapper John MD. It does explain the remarkable resemblance to the two. Don’t they look like the same person? ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/35 "2019-09-09T15:49:42Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Little Joe Cartwright also had a wife who was killed by some gang members that broke into their cabin, terrorized her, and set the cabin on fire after killing her. She wouldn’t eat her mushrooms either. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/36 "2019-09-09T15:55:16Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Too bad nobody turned Brokeback Mountain into a mini-series. That was a tale about a couple of dicks. > > Little Joe Cartwright also had a wife who was killed by some gang members that broke into their cabin, terrorized her, and set the cabin on fire after killing her. > > No wonder those Cartwright men couldn’t get wives. I’ve also thought Adam started using his mother’s birth name of McIntyre, and fathered a line that lead to Trapper John MD. It does explain the remarkable resemblance to the two. Don’t they look like the same person? Doesn’t work. Adam’s mother’s name was Elizabeth Stoddard. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/37 "2019-09-09T15:58:34Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Tonto, not realizing that the Lone Ranger had disguised himself as a pool table… …proceeds to rack his balls. 😃 Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the Lone Ranger, disguised as an outhouse seat, gets more ass than he can handle. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/38 "2019-09-09T16:00:09Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > Doesn’t work. Adam’s mother’s name was Elizabeth Stoddard. Well. somewhere in her family tree there was a McIntyre! ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/39 "2019-09-09T16:03:20Z")
“Tonto, take the garbage to the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/40 "2019-09-09T16:09:28Z")
When the Nevada authorities caught on to Little Joe, he went on the lam, changed his name, and headed for Minnesota. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862.md?page=3)