# TV Western characters who were dicks. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 8, 2019, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862 "2019-09-08T01:51:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/41 "2019-09-09T16:18:32Z")
Before hooking up with the Lone Ranger, Tonto had worked as an interior decorator: “Hmmm… Now we put bedrolls by cactus, campfire inside stones… What that? You no like it? Ugnn, tough titties, Kemo!” ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/42 "2019-09-09T16:26:50Z")
“Tonto, I’ve been diagnosed with a cancer.” “You need Kemo-therapy, Sabe!” ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/43 "2019-09-09T17:07:00Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Adam went to college in England-the actor was pissed off that the TV show made no political comment. Dan Blocker died of a heart attack. There was a Father Son conversation with Ben and Little Joe on the shore of Lake Tahoe. “I guess that big heart finally gave out.” That’s what Ben TOLD everyone to believe. Notice how no one in Virginia City ever asked how Adam was doing “in college,” or that Adam never sent a single letter home; nor did anyone ever made a single comment, much less express sympathy to Ben or Joe after Hoss died. Ben had the entire Nevada Territory playing, [It’s a Good Life](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It%27s_a_Good_Life_(The_Twilight_Zone))! ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/44 "2019-09-09T17:12:20Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > Yul Brynner in Westworld? Henry Fonda in _ **Once upon a Time in the West** _. Gunned down an entire family in cold blood and enjoyed every second of it. Doesn’t get more dickish than that! Whoops! Also not TV! ☹ ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/45 "2019-09-09T18:17:46Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > Walt Longmire has very dickish moments in “Longmire.” > > You didn’t say they had to be from the Wild West era. Indeed. There’s a line where taciturn becomes dickish, and Longmire built that beautiful cabin of his a quarter of a mile past it. _“What happened to your hand?” “Hurt it.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2019, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/46 "2019-09-10T00:03:19Z")
> [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > That’s what Ben TOLD everyone to believe. Notice how no one in Virginia City ever asked how Adam was doing “in college,” or that Adam never sent a single letter home; nor did anyone ever made a single comment, much less express sympathy to Ben or Joe after Hoss died. > > Ben had the entire Nevada Territory playing, [It’s a Good Life](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It%27s_a_Good_Life_(The_Twilight_Zone))! Doesn’t it seem like Little Joe would have more of a motive to kill off Adam and Hoss? If I were adopted son Jamie, I’d leave. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2019, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/47 "2019-09-10T00:53:32Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > Doesn’t work. Adam’s mother’s name was Elizabeth Stoddard. Wasn’t she in Dark Shadows? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2019, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/48 "2019-09-10T01:11:53Z")
> [@Rick\_Kitchen](#): > > Wasn’t she in Dark Shadows? A Witness Protection thing. Any woman who marries a Cartwright dies. I wouldn’t let my daughter date one. Hell, I wouldn’t let her talk to one on the phone…er, telegraph. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2019, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/49 "2019-09-10T18:53:43Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > The man was married three times, and apparently no one ever thought this was suspicious. > > “Well, you see, Your Honor, my first wife died from eating poison mushrooms. My second wife died from eating poison mushrooms. My third wife died from a crushed skull. She wouldn’t eat her mushrooms…” Come to think of it, whatever happened to Hop Sing, the Cartrights’ cook? ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2019, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/50 "2019-09-10T19:52:12Z")
> [@zamboniracer](#): > > Come to think of it, whatever happened to Hop Sing, the Cartrights’ cook? Rented out as a coolie when the Central Pacific railroad was under construction. All of his pay went directly to Ben for “safekeeping.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2019, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/51 "2019-09-10T20:11:34Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Rented out as a coolie when the Central Pacific railroad was under construction. All of his pay went directly to Ben for “safekeeping.” Ben had to get him out of Nevada Territory, since he was the one who’d procured the mushrooms for him. Sadly, Hop Sing died of heat exhaustion as the CPRR was blasting through the Rocky Mountains. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2019, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/52 "2019-09-10T22:00:02Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > Doesn’t it seem like Little Joe would have more of a motive to kill off Adam and Hoss? At first glance, maybe. But remember, Ben had already buried two wives before Little Joe was even born.:eek: ---
**Author:** ![Snake\_Plissken\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Snake\_Plissken\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snake_Plissken_1)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2019, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/53 "2019-09-11T16:18:52Z")
Hedy ('That’s Hedley!) Lamarr, ‘Blazing Saddles’. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2019, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/54 "2019-09-11T16:20:21Z")
> [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > At first glance, maybe. But remember, Ben had already buried two wives before Little Joe was even born.:eek: And they were NOT happy about that, at all! ---
**Author:** ![TimfromNapa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d26b3c/32.png) [@TimfromNapa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TimfromNapa)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2019, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/55 "2019-09-11T20:12:50Z")
> [@Rick\_Kitchen](#): > > Wasn’t she in Dark Shadows? Yes. That means Adam ended up on the Maine coast at Collin Wood searching for his other family. Somehow, I don’t think he and Barnabas would have hit it off. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/56 "2019-09-12T00:19:11Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > When the Nevada authorities caught on to Little Joe, he went on the lam, changed his name, and headed for Minnesota. Little Joe always was a bit shady. He never gave it away; everybody had to pay and pay. A hustle here and a hustle there… ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/57 "2019-09-12T00:44:43Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > “Doctor say, you going to die, Kemo Sabe.” And it was just one little snakebite… ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/58 "2019-09-12T11:42:11Z")
I once saw a really low grade semi porn movie where the Lone Ranger was bitten on the end of his cock by a rattle snake and Tonto refused to suck the poison out. That made the Lone Ranger really mad. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/59 "2019-09-12T13:33:54Z")
Eidetic memory kicking in: Little Joe Cartwright’s mother was Marie DeMarigny Collins. She had been married and widowed, having a son named Clay Collins who was taken by his paternal grandmother, who left Marie with nothing Marie ended up working as a prostitute in New Orleans, where Ben met her. She died from a fall off a horse. Or so Ben told everybody. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/60 "2019-09-12T14:05:28Z")
On the Big Valley, the youngest son Eugene Barkley is studying medicine back east. He disappears after the first year and is never seen again. All Victoria’s sons were wimpy dicks. The only Barkley son I liked was Heath, the father’s bastard son. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862.md?page=4)