# TV Western characters who were dicks. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 8, 2019, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862 "2019-09-08T01:51:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/61 "2019-09-12T14:16:36Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Eidetic memory kicking in: Little Joe Cartwright’s mother was Marie DeMarigny Collins. She had been married and widowed, having a son named Clay Collins who was taken by his paternal grandmother, who left Marie with nothing Marie ended up working as a prostitute in New Orleans, where Ben met her. She died from a fall off a horse. > > Or so Ben told everybody. Yes, when _did_ Ben discover her sordid past? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/62 "2019-09-12T14:17:37Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > On the Big Valley, the youngest son Eugene Barkley is studying medicine back east. He disappears after the first year and is never seen again. > > All Victoria’s sons were wimpy dicks. > > The only Barkley son I liked was Heath, the father’s bastard son. Please, “natural child”. These are, after all, the Barkleys. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/63 "2019-09-12T14:57:41Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > All Victoria’s sons were wimpy dicks. Nicholas Jonathon, wimpy!? ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/64 "2019-09-12T15:03:17Z")
Lucas McCain could be a bit of a dick. Oh he was usually on the right side of law and honor, but he sure seemed to enjoy meeting out his justice. When I was a kid watching The Rifleman on TV, I looked at my dad once and said, “Isn’t Lucas a great guy?” He turned to me and said, “He kills someone almost every day.” ETA: checking stats, it appears he killed 109 people during the run of the show. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/65 "2019-09-12T15:07:51Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > All Victoria’s sons were wimpy dicks. Albert became Edward VII, King of Great Britain! ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/66 "2019-09-12T15:25:28Z")
Now that I think about it, President Grant on “The Wild Wild West” was a pill most of the time. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/67 "2019-09-12T15:28:34Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Yes, when _did_ Ben discover her sordid past? :dubious: He met her while on a visit to New Orleans, where she was a “working girl.” Maybe Ben killed his first two wives because they weren’t so good in the sack and figured this one would be better. Didn’t happen. > [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Please, “natural child”. These are, after all, the Barkleys. On the first episode, when asked who he was, Heath (Lee Majors) just spits out “Your father’s bastard son.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/68 "2019-09-12T15:30:55Z")
> [@Cicero](#): > > I once saw a really low grade semi porn movie where the Lone Ranger was bitten on the end of his cock by a rattle snake and Tonto refused to suck the poison out. > > That made the Lone Ranger really mad. Wouldn’t you be? :dubious: :mad: ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/69 "2019-09-12T15:34:20Z")
> [@Lucas\_Jackson](#): > > When I was a kid watching The Rifleman on TV, I looked at my dad once and said, “Isn’t Lucas a great guy?” He turned to me and said, “He kills someone almost every day.” Yes, but he spent every evening at home, reading the Bible. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/70 "2019-09-12T15:39:45Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > On the first episode, when asked who he was, Heath (Lee Majors) just spits out “Your father’s bastard son.” Whoa! Strong language in 1965 America! The TV censors let this one past? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/71 "2019-09-12T15:44:10Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Yes, but he spent every evening at home, reading the Bible. The killin’ parts. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/72 "2019-09-12T15:51:04Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Yes, but he spent every evening at home, reading the Bible. > [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > The killin’ parts. 😃 You’d think reading the Bible would convince him to limit himself to kneecapping. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/73 "2019-09-12T15:55:16Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Whoa! Strong language in 1965 America! The TV censors let this one past? :eek: Well, he was referring to himself as the child born of unwed parents. A scandalous idea back them, but that’s how the word was used. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/74 "2019-09-12T16:04:43Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > On the first episode, when asked who he was, Heath (Lee Majors) just spits out “Your father’s bastard son.” The Six Million Dollar Bastard? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/75 "2019-09-12T16:15:17Z")
The Fall Bastard? ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/76 "2019-09-12T16:55:38Z")
> [@Lucas\_Jackson](#): > > Lucas McCain could be a bit of a dick. Oh he was usually on the right side of law and honor, but he sure seemed to enjoy meeting out his justice. Nitpick: FYFR, the verb is “mete,” not “meet.” Just sayin’. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/77 "2019-09-12T17:03:15Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Too bad nobody turned Brokeback Mountain into a mini-series. That was a tale about a couple of dicks. Figuratively speaking, of course. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/78 "2019-09-12T18:09:21Z")
> [@Steve\_MB](#): > > You’d think reading the Bible would convince him to limit himself to kneecapping. McCain was a (insert your least favorite Christian denomination here.) ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/79 "2019-09-12T19:02:33Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > McCain was a (insert your least favorite Christian denomination here.) But he had a hell of a set shot. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862/80 "2019-09-12T19:40:03Z")
I always hated McCains smug self-righteousness. I have a limited experience with the show, but it felt like every episode was so contrived to show how morally superior WASP culture is by way of Lucas’s cowboy sermons. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tv-western-characters-who-were-dicks/839862.md?page=5)