# TV's Dumbest Characters **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 13, 2005, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435 "2005-12-13T17:15:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/41 "2005-12-13T21:33:04Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > yes, but the fact that episodes have aired since the pilot, does not rule out the fact that they do have a last name, regardless of the director’s intent. Maybe you could start a thread of your own on that topic once you’ve straightened out the difference between writers and directors and what the alleged last name really was. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/42 "2005-12-13T21:33:09Z")
Does it get any more stupider than this: **Faith** : These are special VIP badges. They’ll get you into places other tourists never see. **Homer** : Miss, what does the `I' stand for? **Faith** : Important. **Homer** : Ooh. How about the `V’? **Faith** : Very. **Homer** : Oh. And Miss, just one more question. **Faith** : Person. **Homer** : Ah… What does the `I’ stand for again? ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/43 "2005-12-13T21:37:12Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > Maybe you could start a thread of your own on that topic once you’ve straightened out the difference between writers and directors and what the alleged last name really was. 😃 Whateva’ :rolleyes: Nonetheless, if a fact is revealed in one episode, the viewing public can not be expected to know what the show’s creators intended. They need to be able to assume that a fact from one episode still holds true to other episodes. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/44 "2005-12-13T21:59:44Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > The answer HAS to be Peter Griffon. Examples of his stupidy include: > > 1. Locking himself INSIDE his car > 2. Forgetting how to sit (these have already been mentioned) > 3. Attempted to buidl a water-slide down his stairs > 4. _Barely_ able to say the word “what”, after just being told to say it. > 5. Bought volcano insurance and almsot bought cloud insurance. > 6. Can’t remember his daughter’s name, or sometimes that she exists at all. > 7. Participated in an ipecac drinking contest (though to be fair, this also maesns Chris, Stewie, and Brian are dumb as well. Chris i can understand…mayb Brian since Peter is good at getting him to go along with his scemes, but Stewie?) > 8. Thinks “nuclear” is pronouced "nukuler because the ‘s’ is silent. > 9. Made a doctor be the town idiot in New Quahog instead of letting him be a doctor. > 10. Tried to give himself a BJ by startnig from a standing position and ended up falling down the stairs. > > Although a close runner-up is Phillip J. Fry. His examples include: > > 1. Not realizing the names “I.C. Weiner” and “Seymore Asses” were fake. > 2. Forgetting how he and Leela met. > 3. Had sex with his own grandmother. > 4. Ate an obviously moldy and nasty sandwich, even after commenting it tasted like vomit. > 5. Got a six-pack plastic ring stuck around his neck. > 6. Made out with a radiator, thinking it was a radiator woman from the radiator planet. > 7. Tried to eat a pineapple hanging from a string, but failed, because he didn’t think to use his hands. > 8. Took an exam on the 20th century and tied with a monkey who’s paper was smeared with feces. > 9. Dove into a river of soda and then realizes he can’t swim. > 10. Killed a brain slug because it starved to death feeding on his brain. Great stuff. I’ll see what I can remember off the top of my head about Reese: 1. Glued a black velvet flowers print over a Picasso while snickering about what a stupid name “Pick asso” was. 2. Was outsmarted by his two-year-old brother, who left him saddled with the rap for lipsticking the walls. 3. Tried to impress a girl with a joke that involved spitting in her face. (“What? Didn’t you get it!? Dumb girl.”) 4. Tried to go find God by tying helium balloons to a lawn chair. 5. Wrapped up his “goods” (his penis) in a bow and presented himself to a lesbian with a crush on his mother. 6. Picked and then lost a fist fight with an asthmatic fat kid in a wheelchair 7. This conversation with his younger brother Dewey: Reese: Since she made fun of your name, you just make fun of hers. What’s her name? Dewey: Ragina Tucker. Reese: Hmm, we’ll think of something. 1. Sold Dewey’s piggy bank for two dollars. (It had sixteen dollars in it.) 2. Locked himself inside a bass violin case. With the house keys. 3. Tried to mail himself to China to beat some guy’s ass for being so stupid. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/45 "2005-12-13T22:02:35Z")
> [@Gangster Octopus](#): > > Does it get any more stupider than this: > > **Faith** : These are special VIP badges. They’ll get you into places other tourists never see. > **Homer** : Miss, what does the `I' stand for? **Faith** : Important. **Homer** : Ooh. How about the `V’? > **Faith** : Very. > **Homer** : Oh. And Miss, just one more question. > **Faith** : Person. > **Homer** : Ah… What does the `I’ stand for again? “Lisa, after having met your father, I have decided to award you an additional five points.” ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/46 "2005-12-13T22:04:04Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > Nonetheless, if a fact is revealed in one episode, the viewing public can not be expected to know what the show’s creators intended. And yet it does all the same. See IMDB. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/47 "2005-12-13T22:17:56Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > And yet it does all the same. See IMDB. I think **Scott\_Plaid** has a point. The character wore a nametag that said “Wilkerson.” That happened. That’s canon, if you will. If the show’s writers deliberately intended their characters to have no last name, that’s fine. But their intentions manifest themselves through what is seen and heard on the show. Now someone may legitimately argue that it was weak evidence of a last name – for all we know, Francis was wearing someone else’s nametag – but it can’t simply be erased from existence. On the other hand, shows make continuity errors all the time. Some can be explained; it’s harder or even impossible to reconcile others. (Example: in the _Friends_ pilot, Rachel describes her escape from nearly marrying Dr. Barry Finkel. Later, his name becomes Barry Farber. If we relentlessly insist that everything that happens is canon, then Rachel was either making a joke that fell flat, or her headlong flight from the altar produced some mental confusion.) ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/48 "2005-12-13T22:22:29Z")
Are we limited here to prime-time half-hour-or-longer shows? Because if we can include kiddie cartoons, the winner has to be Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants. ---
**Author:** ![Lightnin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightnin/32/180_2.png) [@Lightnin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightnin)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/49 "2005-12-13T22:34:51Z")
> [@JThunder](#): > > Simon Tam, for being so slow to move on Kaylee. _Ding Ding Ding!_ We have a winner! ---
**Author:** ![davenportavenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@davenportavenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davenportavenger)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/50 "2005-12-13T22:43:52Z")
Meatwad and Master Shake on Aqua Teen Hunger Force (actually, Shake is probably dumber since Meatwad is supposed to be a kid, right?) Lieutenant Disher on Monk (Are you ready for this? You may want to sit down.) Dale Gribble and/or Bill Dauterive on King of the Hill (they’re kind of tied, but you kind of feel sorry for Bill) Mark Healy on Roseanne (I like to go out looking at stars. There’s like a hundred of them.) Amy Wong on Futurama (okay, she’s not as dumb as Fry, but at least one woman is on the list) Oh, and triple the Bones nomination. So why do I keep watching it? ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/51 "2005-12-13T22:48:33Z")
> [@Lightnin'](#): > > _Ding Ding Ding!_ We have a winner! Not so fast! I am delighted that I get to be the one to one up Peter Griffon. I give you: Jim Ignatowski. Alex Rieger: Why’d you change your name to Ignatowski? “Reverend” Jim Ignatowski: Try saying it backwards. Bobby Wheeler: Ix-wah-tangy. “Reverend” Jim Ignatowski: That’s nowhere near Starchild, is it? [during a written driving test] “Reverend Jim” Ignatowski: Pssssttt… what does the yellow light mean? Bobby Wheeler: “Slow down.” “Reverend Jim” Ignatowski: What… does… the… yellow… light… mean? Bobby Wheeler: “Slow down”! “Reverend Jim” Ignatowski: Whaaaat… dooooeeees… theeeee… yeeeel-looowwww… liiiiight… meeeeaaan? [while filling out an application] Bobby Wheeler: Mental illness or narcotic addiction? “Reverend Jim” Ignatowski: Now that’s a tough choice… Bobby Wheeler: We were wondering if you would join us for a few minutes? “Reverend” Jim Ignatowski: Well, what did you decide? Louie De Palma: Ignatowski! Where have you been all week? “Reverend” Jim Ignatowski: I don’t work weekends. Louie De Palma: You been gone nine days! “Reverend” Jim Ignatowski: Yeah… Tony Banta: Jim, weekends are only two days. “Reverend” Jim Ignatowski: Oh, I thought we’d switched to the metric system. Peter is the only competition, but I think Jim has him. If we confine ourselves to live action then Jim has no competition. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/52 "2005-12-13T23:10:53Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > I think **Scott\_Plaid** has a point. > > The character wore a nametag that said “Wilkerson.” That happened. That’s canon, if you will. Yeah, but it is completely within reason that he wore the wrong tag or even the wrong shirt. Remember that Lois wears a button that says “The ‘L’ stands for ‘Value’”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/53 "2005-12-13T23:11:34Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > Yeah, but it is completely within reason that he wore the wrong tag or even the wrong shirt. Remember that Lois wears a button that says “The ‘L’ stands for ‘Value’”. 😃 Absolutely a valid argument to make. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/54 "2005-12-13T23:12:30Z")
> [@flight](#): > > [during a written driving test] > “Reverend Jim” Ignatowski: Pssssttt… what does the yellow light mean? > Bobby Wheeler: “Slow down.” > “Reverend Jim” Ignatowski: What… does… the… yellow… light… mean? > Bobby Wheeler: “Slow down”! > “Reverend Jim” Ignatowski: Whaaaat… dooooeeees… theeeee… yeeeel-looowwww… liiiiight… meeeeaaan? Truly, one of the funniest scenes in the history of TV! 😃 Thanks for the reminder. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/55 "2005-12-13T23:34:10Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > Phillip J. Fry > > 1. Took an exam on the 20th century and tied with a monkey who’s paper was smeared with feces. I’d likely give him a pass on that based on how the moon resort got the Apollo Program so screwed up. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2005, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/56 "2005-12-13T23:35:41Z")
Oh yeah, and that museum where Fry stole the car got things screwed up too. ---
**Author:** ![want2know](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@want2know](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2know)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2005, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/57 "2005-12-14T01:05:49Z")
Lt. Col. Henry Blake from **M_A_S\*H** : Henry: Why do we all have to be on different times? Radar: Because the earth rotates on its axis, sir. Henry: Oh, really? I thought it was just an Army thing. Frank Burns ( **M_A_S\*H** ) Herman Munster Carlton the Doorman ( **Rhoda** ) Potsie Webber ( **Happy Days** ) Oswald ( **The Drew Carey Show** ) But, IMHO, first prize goes to: THE TICK!!! ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2005, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/58 "2005-12-14T03:03:30Z")
Father Dougal McGuire. Remember this exchange with a bishop? > [@](#): > > Bishop Facks: So, Father. Do you ever have any doubts about the religious life? Is your faith ever tested? Anything you would be worried about? Any doubts you’ve been having about any aspects of belief? Anything like that? > Father Dougal: Well, you know the way God made us all, right? And he’s looking down at us from heaven and everything? > Bishop Facks: Uh-huh. [nods] > Father Dougal: And then his son came down and saved everyone and all that? > Bishop Facks: Yes. > Father Dougal: And when we die we’re all going to go to heaven? > Bishop Facks: Yes. What about it? > Father Dougal: Well, that’s the bit I have trouble with. ---
**Author:** ![Trillionaire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@Trillionaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trillionaire)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2005, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/59 "2005-12-14T05:16:50Z")
I haven’t seen it in years, and I can’t recall any specifics, but I think **Joey** from _Blossom_ would give some of those mentioned a run for their money ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_in_second_hand_clothing)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2005, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435/60 "2005-12-14T05:28:53Z")
Those characters may be dumb, but no one does infuriatingly dumb like Peggy Hill from _King of the Hill._ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tvs-dumbest-characters/335435.md?page=4)