# Twain vs. Hitler **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 16, 2001, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575 "2001-05-16T05:33:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/df788c/32.png) [@Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ben)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/1 "2001-05-16T05:33:14Z")
You know, it just occurred to me that Hitler and Mark Twain are almost diametrically opposite to each other. To wit: Twain: champion of racial justice Hitler: racist goon Twain: ardent pacifist Hitler: believed Germany must constantly be at war Twain: happiest sitting on a riverboat, as he did in his youth. Hitler: happiest sitting in a trench, as he did in his youth. Twain: distrusted people who didn’t drink or smoke because he felt life should be enjoyed Hitler: didn’t drink or smoke, notorious ascetic Twain: wrote fun books that inspire laughter Hitler: wrote a turgid book that inspires nausea Twain: witty Hitler: humorless Also, think of Twain’s “A lie can go halfway around the world before the truth gets its boots on” vs. Hitler’s ideas about the “Big lie” and whatnot. Ostensibly they had the same ideas about truth and falsehood, but Twain bemoaned the gullibility of the public, while Hitler reveled in it. Additionally, both are iconic figures, in part because of their distinctive dress and sartorial styles. Twain had a white suit, Hitler had his brownshirt uniform. Twain had a shock of white hair and a big mustache, Hitler had a greasy bang and a toothbrush mustache. Can anyone think of further contrasts? -Ben ---
**Author:** ![Mercutio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Mercutio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercutio)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/2 "2001-05-16T06:17:06Z")
Twain: Had good mustache fashion sense. Hilter: Had bad mustache fashion sense. ---
**Author:** ![Zarathustra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/898d66/32.png) [@Zarathustra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zarathustra)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/3 "2001-05-16T07:46:01Z")
Hitler: One testicle. Twain: Two testicles. Twain: Was ushered out of this world by Halley’s Comet. Hitler: Had a greasy forelock much like [Bill Haley](http://www.billhaley.co.uk/haleycollage2.jpg) of Haley and the Comets. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/4 "2001-05-16T08:04:14Z")
Twain: Was featured in a Star Trek episode (film). Hitler: Had a musical done about him (stage). 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TitoBenito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2acd7d/32.png) [@TitoBenito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TitoBenito)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/5 "2001-05-16T09:23:05Z")
Mark Twain: Often made of the German language. My philological studies have satisfied me that a gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years. It seems manifest, then, that the latter tongue ought to be trimmed down and repaired. If it is to remain as it is, it ought to be gently and reverently set aside among the dead languages, for only the dead have time to learn it. - “That Awful German Language,” Appendix D of A Tramp Abroad Hitler: Spoke German and felt you should too, or else. Twain: Liked Jews It’s a marvelous race–by long odds the most marvelous that the world has produced, I suppose. - Letter to Joseph Twichell, 10/23/1897 Hitler: Did not like Jews. Twain: Thought nationalism was rather silly. Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about. - More Maxims of Mark, Johnson, 1927 Hitler: Hollered quite loudly and rarely knew what he was talking about. Twain: Wrote a fable called The Mysterious Stranger about a man in Austria who turns about to be Satan. Hitler: A man from Austia who many claim to be connected with Satan. but they have some things very similar Twain: Wrote a book about cowboys called “roughing it”. Hitler: As a small boy loved the cowboy stories by Karl May Twain: Did not like the french. A dead Frenchman has many good qualities, many things to recommend him; many attractions–even innocencies. Why cannot we have more of these? - Notebook #20, Jan. 1882 - Feb. 1883 Hitler: Did not like the French. Created many dead Frenchman. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/6 "2001-05-16T10:06:10Z")
**Twain:** “If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.” **Hitler:** “It is lucky for rulers that men do not think.” ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/7 "2001-05-16T12:15:56Z")
Twain: Deserted under fire during Civil War. Hitler: Was awarded Iron Cross for heroic activities during World War I. (my opinion there is a lot to be said for non-hero types.) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/8 "2001-05-16T12:18:20Z")
> [@](#): > > Mark Twain: Often made of the German language. > My philological studies have satisfied me that a gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years. It seems manifest, then, that the latter tongue ought to be trimmed down and repaired. If it is to remain as it is, it ought to be gently and reverently set aside among the dead languages, for only the dead have time to learn it. > > - “That Awful German Language,” Appendix D of A Tramp Abroad > Hitler: Spoke German and felt you should too, or else. “Once the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you see of him until he emerges from the other side of the Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.” – “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court” (Hard to believe, but true.) One of my all-time favorite Twain quotes. ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/9 "2001-05-16T12:41:22Z")
Speaking of Twain on the German Language A verb has a hard time enough of it in this world when it’s all together. It’s downright inhuman to split it up. But that’s just what those Germans do. They take part of a verb and put it down here, like a stake, and they take the other part of it and put it away over yonder like another stake, and between those two limits they just shovel in German. –_Mark Twain, speech, New York, 1900_ ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/10 "2001-05-16T13:38:46Z")
Perhaps it was all those caustic Mark Twain barbs against the German language that made Hitler into such a bitter, hateful person. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/11 "2001-05-16T14:07:47Z")
I’ve thought of another simularity: Twain went nearly bankrupt investing in scientific hoaxes (inventions). Hitler prepetuated the biggest scientific hoax of all time. (Pure Aryans and the Aryan race) ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2001, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/12 "2001-05-19T11:44:19Z")
Hitler invaded other countries. Twain invaded other counties. I always find it mildly disconcerting that a man who is so closely associated with Missouri has his name plastered all over western New York. You can’t drive along the Southern Tier of the state without seeing all sorts of signs proclaiming this town or that village to be “Home of Mark Twain”. Of course, Twain travelled extensively and was a man of the world, but I always think of him on the banks of the Mississippi, not the Gennessee. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2001, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/13 "2001-05-19T20:38:47Z")
Davewoo: > [@](#): > > I always find it mildly disconcerting that a man who is so closely associated with Missouri has his name plastered all over western New York. You can’t drive along the Southern Tier of the state without seeing all sorts of signs proclaiming this town or that village to be “Home of Mark Twain”. > > Of course, Twain travelled extensively and was a man of the world, but I always think of him on the banks of the Mississippi, not the Gennessee. Twain lived in a lot of places. He had a summer home in (I think) Elmira, N.Y. I think he wrote “Huckleberry Finn” there, in fact. He lived for a long time in Hartford, Connecticut literally next door to Harriet Beecher Stowe. You can still visit both their houses. (And that’s the reason it’s “A **Connecticut** Yankee in King Arthur’s Court”, not a Missouri one. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2001, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/14 "2001-05-19T21:38:13Z")
Funny, I always have to think twice before I remember that Twain was a Southerner. 'Round these parts, he’s generally considered to be a native San Franciscan, his actual birthplace be damned. ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2001, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/15 "2001-05-19T23:23:56Z")
**Cal** and **Nimune** , I know that Twain lived in a lot of places (I said so in my first post). Maybe I wasn’t completely clear. _To me_ he’s the guy from Hannibal, MO, riding a barge down the Mighty Mississip. And it’s jarring to me when I see the “Mark Twain Motel” in freakin’ Horseheads, NY. Sorta like seeing pictures of Babe Ruth in his Boston Braves uniform. There’s that little moment of _huh?!_ Anyway, this only serves to confirm my original contention that Hitler invaded other countries and Mark Twain invaded other counties. ---
**Author:** ![OrcaChow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e47c2d/32.png) [@OrcaChow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OrcaChow)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/16 "2001-05-20T01:46:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zarathustra \* > **Twain: Was ushered out of this world by Halley’s Comet.** Wasn’t he also ushered _into_ this world by Halley’s Comet on its previous visit? ---
**Author:** ![Kaitlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/73ab20/32.png) [@Kaitlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaitlyn)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/17 "2001-05-20T01:47:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nimune \* > \*\*Funny, I always have to think twice before I remember that Twain was a Southerner. 'Round these parts, he’s generally considered to be a native San Franciscan, his actual birthplace be damned. \*\* Mark Twain was no Southerner. Missouri is part of the Mid-West. ---
**Author:** ![OrcaChow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e47c2d/32.png) [@OrcaChow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OrcaChow)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/18 "2001-05-20T01:50:32Z")
Hmmmm, hmmm, hmmmm… Oh, I’m just waiting for the “Shania Twain vs Hitler” thread. Now _that_ should be interesting. ---
**Author:** ![Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wonko_The_Sane)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/19 "2001-05-20T02:35:37Z")
Hitler- Vegetarian from what I’ve heard. (also a proponent of the humane treatment of animals, yet at the same time a genocidal maniac…) Twain- Probably not a vegetarian, judging by his view of enjoying life while living, and definately not a genocidal maniac. Hitler is surely more famous, but not in a -good- way. ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575/20 "2001-05-20T02:58:32Z")
That would make him infamous, wouldn’t it? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twain-vs-hitler/65575.md?page=2)