# Twas the night before Christmas..... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 3, 1999, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746 "1999-12-03T15:01:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![PurpleCrackwhore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc348/32.png) [@PurpleCrackwhore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PurpleCrackwhore)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 1999, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/1 "1999-12-03T15:01:00Z")
How many can finish the poem without looking it up somewhere… Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house. * * * “Only when he no longer knows what he is doing, does the painter do good things.” --Edgar Degas ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 1999, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/2 "1999-12-03T15:14:00Z")
I have two kids, so this gets read out about twenty times every December. It’s part of my permanent repetoire of memorized poetry, along with “The Walrus and the Carpenter,” “Little Orphant Annie,” “The Pobble Who Has No Toes,” and “The Circus Animals’ Desertion.” Okay, that last one I didn’t memorize for the children’s sake. Although they get a kick out of it when I do it in my Dylan Thomas voice…especially the part about the raging slut who keeps the till. * * * Uke ---
**Author:** ![pluto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f08c70/32.png) [@pluto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pluto)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 1999, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/3 "1999-12-03T17:07:00Z")
I’m coming to Ike’s house for Christmas! ---
**Author:** ![Atrael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Atrael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atrael)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 1999, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/4 "1999-12-03T17:23:00Z")
Ok, one post for each line…let’s see how far we get…no cheating and looking it up “and all through the house…” ---
**Author:** ![Atrael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Atrael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atrael)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 1999, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/5 "1999-12-03T17:24:00Z")
Damn…wrong line…guess I should have actually _read_ what ya wrote PCW “Not a creature was stiring, not even a mouse” ---
**Author:** ![G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c67d28/32.png) [@G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G.B.H.Hornswoggler)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 1999, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/6 "1999-12-04T06:41:00Z")
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care * * * …but when you get blue, and you’ve lost all your dreams, there’s nothing like a campfire and a can of beans! ---
**Author:** ![ChrisCTP](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@ChrisCTP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChrisCTP)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 1999, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/7 "1999-12-03T21:38:00Z")
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. (I’m glad I got that one, cuz I’m useless beyond it.) * * * “…all the prettiest girls live in Des Moines…” –Jack Kerouac, _On the Road_ ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 1999, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/8 "1999-12-03T21:39:00Z")
I’m waiting for the “Leaves before the wild hurricane fly” line, 'cause that’s where MOST folks drop the ball. ---
**Author:** ![Atrael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Atrael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atrael)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 1999, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/9 "1999-12-03T21:43:00Z")
(sigh)…Guess I’l do another one… “The children were nestled, all snug in thier beds” ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 1999, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/10 "1999-12-03T21:47:00Z")
While visions of sugarplums danced in their heads. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 1999, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/11 "1999-12-03T21:53:00Z")
Mama in her keerchief and I in my cap had just settled down for a long winter’s nap. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 1999, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/12 "1999-12-03T22:00:00Z")
But Mama had plans for this boy on that night; off came the kerchief Oh my! what a sight! * * * The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. – E. Grebenik ---
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 1999, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/13 "1999-12-03T22:02:00Z")
Umm… ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 1999, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/14 "1999-12-03T22:04:00Z")
I sprang from my bed and threw on my jeans, For it wasn’t Mama, it was dumb Alphagene. ---
**Author:** ![PurpleCrackwhore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc348/32.png) [@PurpleCrackwhore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PurpleCrackwhore)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 1999, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/15 "1999-12-03T23:10:00Z")
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter * * * “Only when he no longer knows what he is doing, does the painter do good things.” --Edgar Degas ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 1999, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/16 "1999-12-03T23:13:00Z")
it was Konrad, who thought what he said mattered. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 1999, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/17 "1999-12-03T23:21:00Z")
Away to the 'puter I flew like a flash, Opened to Straight Dope, on Michelle did I mash. ---
**Author:** ![MrKnowItAll](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrknowitall/32/87_2.png) [@MrKnowItAll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrKnowItAll)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 1999, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/18 "1999-12-04T01:54:00Z")
When what to my wondering eyes did appear: A perky young Floridian that caused me to leer. ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 1999, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/19 "1999-12-04T02:01:00Z")
T’was the night before Christmas and all through my car, It’s a mess of bottles and matches from bars. I am all nestled in my drivers seat, Making this trip has become a real feat. Visions of Seattle dance through my mind, How come every Doper is obsessed with my behind? As I’m making my way, there arises a clatter! If my engine fails now, I couldn’t be sadder! When I look up above (though I have no sun roof) I see several reindeer with boots on their hooves! I stop my car, as I see Rudolph’s nose glisten, I swerve to the left and fortunately miss 'em! I stop my car, I just have to see! Who this fat guy in the suit claims be! He jumps out of the sleigh, I can see he’s no layman. He comes up to me and ask, “Are you Satan?” “Why yes,” I reply, amazed he would know. “I’m a Doper too,” he says. “Ho, ho ho!” I ask him why he stopped his connection, “Just to see if you needed directions!” I showed him my Atlas, and that did the trick. “Pleased too meet you,” he said. “I post as St. Nick!” “I’ve followed your trip and it gave me pause, You’re logging more miles than me, Santa Claus!” He laughed at himself, and his belly did shake. There was NO WAY this Santa was some department store fake! I asked him to join me at Burnmeup’s house, He then got quiet, just like a mouse. “I’d like to,” he said, “But I’ve got miles to go, And you have a lot more to travel, you know.” I nodded in agreement, he smiled and turned. Nobody will believe this, especially Burn! He got in his sleigh, and took off in a blast, He proceeded to recite my entire trip’s cast. "You’re uncle in Knoxville, then elelle in Oxford, phouka and beatle in Texas, my lord! Across to Tess in Phoeniz, and Andrea in LA, Christmas eve in Seattle, then drive Christmas day, To boli in Des Moines (and I must mention Chris!), To Lucky in Chicago, for that you can’t miss! Next is Toledo with friend UncleBeer, pldennison in Cleveland will fill you with cheer! And finaly, as the millennium wanes, New Year’s Eve in Columbus with wonderful Drain!" He recited this all, then he sped fast away! “Merry Christmas to you and I hope you get laid!” * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 1999, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746/20 "1999-12-04T02:06:00Z")
With her pert little smile so lively and quick, Young Guanolad started stroking his dick. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/11746.md?page=2)