# Twas the Night before Christmas **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 25, 2003, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970 "2003-12-25T05:06:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2003, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/1 "2003-12-25T05:06:29Z")
And all through the house… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2003, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/2 "2003-12-25T05:08:52Z")
Not a creature was stirring… ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2003, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/3 "2003-12-25T05:12:15Z")
not even a mouse. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2003, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/4 "2003-12-25T05:33:55Z")
The stockings were hung, ---
**Author:** ![Sylkyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@Sylkyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylkyn)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2003, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/5 "2003-12-25T05:50:44Z")
By the chimney with care… ---
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2003, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/6 "2003-12-25T07:38:18Z")
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2003, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/7 "2003-12-25T07:38:57Z")
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there; ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Babbington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Mr.Babbington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Babbington)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2003, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/8 "2003-12-25T07:42:41Z")
The children were nestled, all snug in their beds, ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2003, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/9 "2003-12-25T07:46:58Z")
While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads ---
**Author:** ![Ms\_Macphisto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Ms\_Macphisto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms_Macphisto)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2003, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/10 "2003-12-25T07:58:50Z")
And mamma in her kerchief and I in my cap ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2003, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/11 "2003-12-25T08:35:15Z")
had just settled down for a long Winter’s nap. ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2003, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/12 "2003-12-25T08:49:24Z")
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, Like a titanium armoured deathbot with deadly claws all a-clatter! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2003, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/13 "2003-12-25T13:43:34Z")
Away to the window I flew like the Flash. Open the shutters, and threw up the hash. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/14 "2003-12-25T14:25:28Z")
With breasts like the moon fallen new on the snow, ---
**Author:** ![quiltguy154](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/ad7895/32.png) [@quiltguy154](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quiltguy154)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/15 "2003-12-26T22:56:00Z")
Too silly, too silly! _Sergeant Major_!!! ---
**Author:** ![Marine\_One](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/marine_one/32/3461_2.png) [@Marine\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marine_One)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/16 "2003-12-27T01:23:58Z")
Gave the Dolly Parton like shadow to objects below, when, what to my bloodshot red eyes should appear, ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/17 "2003-12-27T05:34:04Z")
But a wobbly old elf, half whacked out on beer. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/18 "2003-12-27T13:26:36Z")
With eight tiny reindeer, so solemn and grave. I knew that this guy must be sexually depraved. ---
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/19 "2003-12-27T13:32:32Z")
He came through the window to the children’s bedroom And then it came to us he a was a bringer of doom The large ax in his pocket did give it away So in order to cease him i did begin to say: ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twas-the-night-before-christmas/220970/20 "2003-12-27T13:37:38Z")
What in the hell am I doing out here; Everyone that lives in this house; Doesn’t deserve a thing, not even a louse. Frank had affairs at a fleabag hotel; Doris made porn movies, she’s going to hell. Johnny the oldest sold crack and cocaine; And Tommy was busted for theft again. Lisa’s a hooker and makes lots of dough; And little Joey is wasting away on death row. My hem’roids are aching, I need to crap; None of them deserve anything, not even a slap. On Dancer, on Prancer get the hell out of here. I’m going home to get wasted on whiskey and beer. Looked like this thread was going to die before it was finished so I helped it along.