# "twice the crispiness" **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [January 22, 2009, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twice-the-crispiness/482499 "2009-01-22T19:20:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2009, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twice-the-crispiness/482499/21 "2009-01-23T03:54:31Z")
> [@Chez\_Guevara](#): > > According to [Table 4.3](http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=u-K8UuyKT48C&pg=PA93&lpg=PA92&ots=AN_de_nrTE&dq=scale+of+crispness&ie=ISO-8859-1&output=html) of standard intensity crispness values for low moisture foods (Meilgaard, 1999) crispness begins at 0 and goes up to 9. It’s a bit like the Mohs scale of hardness, only slightly more tasty. A granola bar, for example, is given a crispness value of 1 whereas melba toast gets a 9. I’m surprised to see goldfish given a 6, though. All those I’ve eaten have been quite moist, if not downright wet. Bones, dude. Bones. ---
**Author:** ![ArmenE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ArmenE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArmenE)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2009, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twice-the-crispiness/482499/22 "2009-01-23T05:07:32Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Or 13.5% more lushness in metric. Because American companies use US Customary units. nitpick - percentage lushness change is unitless and the same for any lushness unit. ---
**Author:** ![Shamozzle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shamozzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shamozzle)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2009, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twice-the-crispiness/482499/23 "2009-01-23T07:24:47Z")
I hate phrasing like that in ads. “The appearance of fine lines are diminished by 36%” Really? How did you measure that, with a face-analyzing supercomputer? Can it beat Deep Blue at chess? “Gets teeth five shades whiter.” What is the measure between shades? Aren’t there an infinite number of shades between any two? Why not use 50 Billion shades? “Most cargo room in it’s class.” Surely the car company defined the class such that a competitor model with more cargo room would not be in the same class, no? How convenient. As paraphrased from the late Bill Hicks: “Oh, and for those of you in advertising or marketing… kill yourselves. Seriously. Kill yourselves. I know it sounds like I’m trying to be funny, but I’m not. Really. Kill yourselves.” ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2009, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twice-the-crispiness/482499/24 "2009-01-23T12:43:28Z")
Man, you guys are making it way too hard. Mushiness is SO much easier to measure and so much more accurate. Then you take 1 and divide by mushiness. Want it complicated, call an engineer. Want it easy, call a physicist. ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2009, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twice-the-crispiness/482499/25 "2009-01-23T13:12:35Z")
The google ad I am getting is just this image: [![](http://tpc.googlesyndication.com/simgad/11479334285004781896) ](http://tpc.googlesyndication.com/simgad/11479334285004781896) with no text or explanation of any sort. (it turned out to be a load cell for measuring weight and force) ---
**Author:** ![johnspartan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@johnspartan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnspartan)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2009, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twice-the-crispiness/482499/26 "2009-01-23T15:09:41Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > So, can crispiness ever be negative? Or does it just go down to zero? I would think that crispiness value would have to be positive, but could approach infinity as it approaches zero. In order to be negative crispiness it would have to not only be soggy in its own nature but automatically eliminate neighboring crispiness. Come to think of it, water would make a wafer less crispy. Maybe it’s a PH balance thing, bases and acids? ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twice-the-crispiness/482499/27 "2009-01-24T09:20:08Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > So, can crispiness ever be negative? Or does it just go down to zero? Are you talking about the prophetized coming of the anti-crisp ? ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twice-the-crispiness/482499/28 "2009-01-24T14:31:50Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > Are you talking about the prophetized coming of the anti-crisp ? O, what foul overcooked bowl of instant grits slouches toward Bethlehem to be born? ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twice-the-crispiness/482499/29 "2009-01-24T18:31:04Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > So, can crispiness ever be negative? Or does it just go down to zero? A non-Newtonian candy bar, especially one with caramel, could have negative crispiness, if it sticks to your teeth and requires force to separate the jaw. It’s got to be modeled in the second order for candy bars that have both positive and negative values of crunchyness, RMS will not suffice. ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twice-the-crispiness/482499/30 "2009-01-24T19:42:57Z")
> [@Santo\_Rugger](#): > > A non-Newtonian candy bar, especially one with caramel, could have negative crispiness, if it sticks to your teeth and requires force to separate the jaw. It’s got to be modeled in the second order for candy bars that have both positive and negative values of crunchyness, RMS will not suffice. They call them Tootsie-Rolls ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twice-the-crispiness/482499/31 "2009-01-24T20:27:53Z")
> [@Santo\_Rugger](#): > > I bought a bicycle seat once that promised 82% more penile blood flow. I wasn’t sure if it was volumetric flow rate, velocity, or… well, something else. I can promise you 6500% more penile blood flow, but it only works once. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twice-the-crispiness/482499.md?page=1)