# Twilight chaps my ass in yet another way **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 24, 2009, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064 "2009-07-24T00:35:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/21 "2009-07-24T15:40:18Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > That also could describe the Buffy-Angel relationship or, on Star Trek DS9, Worf & Jadzira-Dax. Buffy & Angel’s One Night Of Love appeared to be quite tender & not hurtful. Until the next day, when he turned into a soulless monster. I’ve never studied up on Trek Sex… ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/22 "2009-07-24T15:44:51Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > Just be aware, the Charlaine Harris books are fun vampire fiction. Let Me In is not fun and frothy. It’s wonderful, but it gets very, very dark. Like, the hero is a kid who’s probably on the path to being a serial killer at the beginning of the book. And after that, it starts to get really twisted. But all in all, I’d rather have my (imaginary) teenage daughter read a well-written book that includes murder, bloodletting, and attempted anal rape by a living corpse, than buy into the “Edward Cullen is sooo dreamy, I want a boyfriend just like him” garbage. That’s okay. I think I’m immune to the disgustingness of human on corpse or otherwise horrific creature after a large dose of Showtime’s Masters of Horror series. And that time one of my best friends decided to watch zombie porn. > [@Rubystreak](#): > > It’s hot that he wants her sooooo badly but won’t go all the way her because he’s afraid he would hurt her, so he just tantalizes her with some minor petting and touching, for her own good. This, of course, drives her wild with desire. There’s also this thing about how they smell sooooo good to each other, this intoxicating perfume blah blah. What’s weird about that is that it’s established in the book that all vampires have humans out there who smell that good to them, and generally they eat them because they can’t resist. So, to Bella, Edward smells like CK One X10000, to Edward, Bella smells like filet mignon. > > Hilariously, when they finally do get married and have sex, they break the bed and he bites a pillow in half. She is covered in bruises and actually is kind of hurt by it. But still LOVED it… yeah, that’s great. Well, I guess teens like twisted things but Twilight is “mainstream” so it’s okay? Back when I was a teen, I did eschew the mainstream type so I think I would have hated Twilight. I did enjoy stuff like Rosemary’s Baby and used to fantasize about getting to have Satan’s baby (see also that subplot of the Stand). I don’t know. Maybe teen girls are just inherently insane? ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/23 "2009-07-24T15:47:19Z")
> [@Bridget\_Burke](#): > > Buffy & Angel’s One Night Of Love appeared to be quite tender & not hurtful. Until the next day, when he turned into a soulless monster. In fact, Buffy and Angel were sort of the opposite of Bella and Edward. Angel and Buffy had one perfect night, and then he turned into every girl’s worst nightmare (lose your virginity to a guy, he turns into Mr. Psycho…) Edward really hurt Bella physically, so much so that he was afraid to have sex with her again. Yet, her reaction is that it’s OK that she’s covered in bruises and has trouble walking right, and actually, that it was kind of hot. I’m really surprised that the TwiMoms think that’s what they want their daughters’ wedding nights to be like. ETA: Yes, Freudian Slit, teen girls ARE inherently insane. What is their moms’ excuse? ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/24 "2009-07-24T15:50:50Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It’s _Let the Right One In_. That’s the original Swedish title (from a poem I think), and the title of the movie. When it was first published in the US the title was changed to _Let me In_, but then changed back to the original. > > The movie and the book are both very good. The movie stays pretty faithful. The author said he wanted to do a “realistic” vampire story in the sense that he wanted to explore what it would be like to actually be a centuries old vampire in the real world, and decided it would be excruciating lonely. He gets into themes of alienation, friendship and adolescence that are truthful, poignant and moving in ways that Twilight never touches. LTROI also isn’t afraid to go to some very dark places that would make Stephanie Meyers’ head spin around. Eli from LTROI would make Edward Cullen her little bitch in about 30 seconds. Thanks. I’ve just ordered it from the library. The reveiw of the film was very good, but I didn’t know there was a book behind it. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/25 "2009-07-24T15:50:54Z")
> [@Rubystreak](#): > > ETA: Yes, Freudian Slit, teen girls ARE inherently insane. What is their moms’ excuse? Teh menopause! But yeah, the only fantasy Twilight provokes in me is wanting to grab that Edward by the collar and give him swirly after swirly. NOW who’s sparkling? ETA: > [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > Thanks. I’ve just ordered it from the library. The reveiw of the film was very good, but I didn’t know there was a book behind it. I tried to. There’s about fifty holds on this book and apparently only 12 copies in the whole library system. D’oh. Looks like I might have to go another route. ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/26 "2009-07-24T15:50:55Z")
I think you should give your friend a copy of, “Let me in.”, after she finishes Twilight. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/27 "2009-07-24T18:09:30Z")
A. N. Anderson’s YA _Thirsty_ isn’t bad and is a better psychological portrait of a vampire trying to hold back than is Edward. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/28 "2009-07-24T18:36:26Z")
Seconding **susan** ’s recommendation of _Thirsty_, though, IIRC, the author’s name is M. T. Anderson. Also, for young girls who might be inclined towards _Twilight_, I always recommend L.J. Smith’s works. She had the bad boy vampire/supernatural creature thing down (though I personally find the writing to be better than that in Twilight; it’s certainly less purple prose). The bad boy, however, doesn’t always get the girl. There’s a lot of different stories, and some of them have role-reversal–the female characters are always stronger than Bella ever was–and they at least touch on different mythologies. That being said? Don’t read anything that was originally written in the past couple of years, 'cause the writing turned to Twilight-emulating crap. But there are a lot of books written before then–a series of nine short YA novels, and four trilogies–and those are all very fun reads. And the books are YA that’s actually cleaner than Twilight–sex is never mentioned, really, one way or the other. Also, for slightly older readers, I recommend Kelley Anderson’s Women of the Otherworld series. Again–fluff reading, this time for adults, strong women with bad boys, not too smutty, no overt messages about sex (though there is some, it was IMHO fairly vanilla and well-done). But the keys of both of those? 1.) They’re pretty obviously fluff. They’re not taking themselves oh-so-seriously. 2.) Some decent backstory. 3.) The relationship stuff is a lot less creepy than Twilight. 4.) The writing is a _lot_ tighter. I like a lot of literature, a lot of National Book Award books, a lot of short stories, a lot of poetry. But I also like my crap, and the above is fun, fun crap, especially for young females with a thing for the supernatural. _Thirsty_ is a compeltely different animal. Not at all sensual with a rich inner mythology, it’s probably my favorite YA vampy book. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/29 "2009-07-24T18:52:19Z")
This topic put me in the mind of a video a friend of mine posted a link to on her LiveJournal yesterday. I thought it was amusing and well done: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/RZwM3GvaTRM/maxresdefault.jpg "Buffy vs Edward: Twilight Remixed -- [original version]") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZwM3GvaTRM) Buffy vs. Edward ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/30 "2009-07-24T18:58:51Z")
> [@winterhawk11](#): > > This topic put me in the mind of a video a friend of mine posted a link to on her LiveJournal yesterday. I thought it was amusing and well done: > > [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZwM3GvaTRM](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZwM3GvaTRM) > > Buffy vs. Edward I was just thinking about this one. I love it and I never even watched Buffy. Or Twilight for that matter. But it just works so perfectly. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/31 "2009-07-24T18:59:22Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > First, I read the first book I found your problem. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/32 "2009-07-24T19:17:42Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > There are no Vampires in Twilight. Wait, what? Haven’t read the books, but aren’t they, you know, PG-13 Vampire Porn? ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/33 "2009-07-24T19:25:23Z")
> [@Rubystreak](#): > > In fact, Buffy and Angel were sort of the opposite of Bella and Edward. Angel and Buffy had one perfect night, and then he turned into every girl’s worst nightmare (lose your virginity to a guy, he turns into Mr. Psycho…) Edward really hurt Bella physically, so much so that he was afraid to have sex with her again. Yet, her reaction is that it’s OK that she’s covered in bruises and has trouble walking right, and actually, that it was kind of hot. I’m really surprised that the TwiMoms think that’s what they want their daughters’ wedding nights to be like. The thing about Buffy and Angel is that they were equals. Sure, he was vastly older and more experienced, but she had friends and social skills, and when push came to shove, she could beat him in a straightforward fight to the death. That equality colored their relationship more than anything else, and was radically different from what Edward and Bella had. ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/34 "2009-07-24T19:36:38Z")
I think you guys are missing out on the true beauty of this problem. It gives lots of opportunities to leave Twilight fans rocking back and forth in the corner mumbling to themselves after being traumatized by, “Let the Right One In.” Rather than lamenting that they aren’t as cool as sophisticated as you, you can use their naive vulgarity to your own sinister purposes! After all, isn’t that what being a vampire is REALLY all about? ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/35 "2009-07-24T19:55:48Z")
Just out of curiosity, as someone who hasn’t read the book or seen the movie, and has no intention of doing so, how’s it misogynistic? All this talk about it has made me curious now. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/36 "2009-07-24T19:59:28Z")
> [@](#): > > Wait, what? Haven’t read the books, but aren’t they, you know, PG-13 Vampire Porn? No, it’s a book about an angel (albeit a creepy, angsty angel) who seduces a human girl. If there were vampires, then they’d obviously hunt and kill humans, be harmed by sunlight and symbols of purity and religion, or have some other connection to vampire folklore. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/37 "2009-07-24T20:15:38Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I tried to. There’s about fifty holds on this book and apparently only 12 copies in the whole library system. D’oh. Looks like I might have to go another route. Ha! I’m only about _fourteenth_ in line! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/38 "2009-07-24T20:21:42Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > Wait, what? Haven’t read the books, but aren’t they, you know, PG-13 Vampire Porn? The assumption is that the Twilight Sparklepires aren’t really vampires. ETA: I like **Chronos’** take on the TS. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/39 "2009-07-24T20:40:15Z")
> [@winterhawk11](#): > > This topic put me in the mind of a video a friend of mine posted a link to on her LiveJournal yesterday. I thought it was amusing and well done: > > [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZwM3GvaTRM](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZwM3GvaTRM) > > Buffy vs. Edward That was awesome. Although, I liked the actor who played Edward better when he was playing opposite Ernie on _Sesame Street_. ---
**Author:** ![Gcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c0e974/32.png) [@Gcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gcat)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064/40 "2009-07-24T21:27:38Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > No, it’s a book about an angel (albeit a creepy, angsty angel) who seduces a human girl. If there were vampires, then they’d obviously hunt and kill humans, be harmed by sunlight and symbols of purity and religion, or have some other connection to vampire folklore. The angel idea is interesting. I wish we had more stuff that dealt with angels, but it’s sorta taboo to do that. So, Nick from Forever Night was NOT a vampire? He didn’t hunt or kill humans. Dracula would laugh if you tried to kill him with sunlight. Might say something like “You believe everything Hollywood tells you.” Original folklore vampires could walk in the sun. Hollywood made up the sunlight kills vampires. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twilight-chaps-my-ass-in-yet-another-way/504064.md?page=3)