# Two and a Half Men has some brilliant punchlines **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 2, 2019, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918 "2019-06-02T16:22:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Red\_Wiggler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/red_wiggler/32/13190_2.png) [@Red\_Wiggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Wiggler)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/21 "2019-06-03T13:15:02Z")
Jake, gazing upwards while riding with Charlie on his way to trading in the car: “Is that a footprint?” They are awful, misogynist people on that show and I’m ashamed for liking so many of the jokes. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/22 "2019-06-03T13:17:13Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > Speaking of Herb, one of my favorite scenes is when Charlie goes with Alan over to Judith’s, and Herb is out working in the garden. Charlie keeps asking him lots of double entendre sex/gardening questions, like whether he prefers a trimmed bush or let it grow naturally. Herb never catches on. … And instead of bending over or kneeling down to plant his seeds in the ground, he spits them out into the plowed earth. Not at all suggestive of anything. Oh, no. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/23 "2019-06-03T13:18:47Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > Not a fan of the show, but… > The episode with Martin Sheen as the father of Charlie’s latest hookup. Upon finding out that neither Charlie nor the girl have the faintest clue what each other’s names are, Holland Taylor (Charlie’s mother) turns to Sheen, and asks, “Are you as proud of yours as I am of mine?” I thought Martin Sheen played Rose’s father, who started dating Evelyn. And it turned out he was just as stalkery and crazy as his daughter. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/24 "2019-06-03T13:19:18Z")
Nothing beats that scene in “Old Fame With A New Wick” with Alan, Charlie and Berta watching Evelyn and Bill (nee Jill) on the terrace. No dialogue, but their expressions are priceless. And Berta’s line “This one makes them gay and this one makes them guy.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/25 "2019-06-03T13:19:32Z")
> [@Red\_Wiggler](#): > > Jake, gazing upwards while riding with Charlie on his way to trading in the car: “Is that a footprint?” > > They are awful, misogynist people on that show and I’m ashamed for liking so many of the jokes. If Charlie weren’t a misogynistic pig, there would be no humor in it all. Not all comedy is uplifting or inspiring. Come to think of it, it almost never is… ☹ ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/26 "2019-06-03T13:25:06Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > The episode with Martin Sheen as the father of Charlie’s latest hookup. Upon finding out that neither Charlie nor the girl have the faintest clue what each other’s names are, Holland Taylor (Charlie’s mother) turns to Sheen, and asks, “Are you as proud of yours as I am of mine?” I think that’s the one where Evelyn was going to marry another guy (don’t remember who offhand), but it fell through when it became clear Charlie had banged and then dumped his daughter, as he was wont to do. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/27 "2019-06-03T13:28:31Z")
Charlie’s old flame shows up and is now a transman, played by Chris O’Donnell: ALAN: Who’s that? Poker buddy? CHARLIE: I used to. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/28 "2019-06-03T13:35:12Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Nothing beats that scene in “Old Fame With A New Wick” with Alan, Charlie and Berta watching Evelyn and Bill (nee Jill) on the terrace. No dialogue, but their expressions are priceless. And Berta’s line “This one makes them gay and this one makes them guy.” > [@RickJay](#): > > Charlie’s old flame shows up and is now a transman, played by Chris O’Donnell: > > ALAN: Who’s that? Poker buddy? > CHARLIE: I used to. That’s the same episode, and Evelyn has a one-night stand with Bill. When Berta finds out, she tells Charlie “If you let me tell her, I’ll work free for a year.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/29 "2019-06-03T13:36:35Z")
\*\*JAKE: \*\* Why do men lie to women? **CHARLIE:** We lie to them because we \*love \*them and want to \*protect \*them. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/30 "2019-06-03T14:32:32Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > Spaking of Herb, one of my favorite scenes is when Charlie goes with Alan over to Judith’s, and Herb is out working in the garden. Charlie keeps asking him lots of double entendre sex/gardening questions, like whether he prefers a trimmed bush or let it grow naturally. Herb never catches on. Herb Melnick portrayed by Ryan Stiles. Nobody is better than playing laid back better. I think that Chuck Lorre realized if he could have Charlie Sheen play himself with the best supporting cast ever, he’d have a hit. And he was right. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/31 "2019-06-03T14:34:00Z")
I also enjoy the Season 4 episode “Walnuts and Demerol,” where Charlie is about to boink what _might be_ his sister. \*\*\*Dorothy: \*\*It’s not like we couldn’t expect this, given that your son has spent his adult life humping his way through the Los Angeles adult population! **Evelyn:** Oh, like this booze-addled tart is an innocent victim? **Gloria:** Hey, I’m drunk not deaf!\* ---
**Author:** ![gytalf2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ac91a4/32.png) [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/32 "2019-06-03T14:35:32Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Nothing can beat the Halloween episode one year, when Charlie takes up with a witch and Evelyn shows up dressed as the Wicked Witch of the West. The whole episode is hilarious. That is one of my favorite, episodes, as well. It was a fantastically-funny show, especially for the first few seasons. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/33 "2019-06-03T17:02:49Z")
Charlie and Alan take Herb to the first porn flick he’s seen in years. **HERB:** Tell me: Whatever happened to pubic hair? ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/34 "2019-06-03T17:13:13Z")
Walden Schmidt (Ashton Kutcher) is looking through Charlie’s piano bench. He finds some sheet music, some women’s underwear, a dildo, and Jake’s bong. “Songs, bongs, thongs and schlongs!” he exclaims! ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/35 "2019-06-03T17:15:27Z")
There is also the episode where Charlie is dating a woman who looks like a younger version of his mom. As the two ladies are staring each other down, Berta IIRC says something like “I gotta quit coming to work high.” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/36 "2019-06-03T17:39:32Z")
The episode where Evelyn borrows Charlie’s car, and later he find a bra in it. He’s holding the item when Alan walks in, takes the bra from Charlie, and asks whose it is: Charlie: If I tell you, I can’t untell you. Alan: C’mon Charlie, whose bra is it? Charlie: Who borrowed my car today Alan (tossing bra aside): Holy mother of God. Charlie: No, our unholy mother of Satan Charlie put the bra in his pocket, and later Evelyn asks if he found anything in the car after she returned it. Charlie asks some dumb questions, and finally: Evelyn: Charlie, I left a $750 bra in your car.I want it back. Charlie takes the bra out of his packet and hands it to her). Evelyn: Charlie, that’s just sick. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/37 "2019-06-03T19:32:19Z")
My favorite was [Hi, Mr Horned One](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0735157/) Isabella: You know, people like you have been persecuting people like me for thousands of years. Alan Harper: Hmm. Well, that’s a bit hard to believe seeing as people like me have historically been victims and food. ---
**Author:** ![bizerta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@bizerta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bizerta)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/38 "2019-06-03T20:30:31Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > There is also the episode where Charlie is dating a woman who looks like a younger version of his mom. As the two ladies are staring each other down, Berta IIRC says something like “I gotta quit coming to work high.” Earlier in that same episode Lydia: … I watch what I eat Berta: Goin’ in, or comin’ out? ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/39 "2019-06-03T21:50:36Z")
Watched a few more episodes today. I was pleasantly surprised to find one of my musical heroes (Elvis Costello) in the house, along with Sean Penn and Harry Dean Stanton. I also like how each episode title is a line from the episode. mmm ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2019, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918/40 "2019-06-03T21:59:50Z")
“Is that…?” “Yes.” “And…?” “Yep.” “And…?” “He used to be.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-and-a-half-men-has-some-brilliant-punchlines/834918.md?page=3)