# Two days off for the death of an immediate family member? WTF? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 24, 2003, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-days-off-for-the-death-of-an-immediate-family-member-wtf/190547 "2003-07-24T04:09:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-days-off-for-the-death-of-an-immediate-family-member-wtf/190547/61 "2015-11-09T23:50:37Z")
> [@Honey](#): > > This reminded me of when I worked for a TV listings company. A Co-worker’s wife was very ill with cancer and was nearing the end. The company allowed all of us co-workers to donate paid days off to him so he could spend time with his wife. Because of this he was able to be by her side for her last 3 months, with full pay. > > It wasn’t a formal company policy, it’s a idea that was brought to the President of the company, and he okay’d it. Heh, I actually forgot that I posted in this thread when it was new. Now I don’t remember if it was 2 months or 3 months he had off with pay. It sucks getting old. ---
**Author:** ![diggerwam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/919ad9/32.png) [@diggerwam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/diggerwam)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-days-off-for-the-death-of-an-immediate-family-member-wtf/190547/62 "2015-11-10T03:01:53Z")
At my last job, both of my parents died, dad, then 16 months later, Mom. I don’t think they had ever tackled that issue before. It took them a couple days before they settled on 3 days. The worst part, my Dad died while I was at work on Saturday morning, they sat me down and asked when I planned on making up the mandatory Saturday morning hours. I told them to politely to F\*\*\* off. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-days-off-for-the-death-of-an-immediate-family-member-wtf/190547/63 "2015-11-11T02:15:26Z")
When my daughter died I got 3 days bereavement leave. ---
**Author:** ![Zyanthia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Zyanthia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyanthia)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-days-off-for-the-death-of-an-immediate-family-member-wtf/190547/64 "2015-11-12T21:11:28Z")
I cannot complain at all about my company. When my brother killed himself earlier this year, I tried working when I got the news, but I couldn’t focus and I kept bursting into tear at unexpected times. I finally went and talked to my supervisor and she let me go home and take as much time as I needed. I took two days at the time I got the news, and another 3 days to fly out for his funeral. I was expecting to use my personal leave bank (PLB), I mean what’s more personal than a death in the family? But I got called into the office last week for not having all my personal time scheduled (they really discourage people not using their personal time off) and I had 5 extra days because the company didn’t charge me for them. P.S. Just how bad of a position do you have to be in to kill yourself by setting yourself on fire? I can understand quick methods, but fire? ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-days-off-for-the-death-of-an-immediate-family-member-wtf/190547/65 "2015-11-13T01:04:35Z")
Zyanthia, I am so sorry. There is just nothing to say. ---
**Author:** ![NGC2024](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f475e1/32.png) [@NGC2024](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NGC2024)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-days-off-for-the-death-of-an-immediate-family-member-wtf/190547/66 "2015-11-13T03:43:19Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > When my father died, the next mornining I was still in shock & went to work. When a co worker saw I was nearly comatose, she dragged out of me that my father had died the day before. I literally had to be told to ‘go home’. I had 4 days off to plan, ferry reletives into town, help arrange the memorial service, attend the service, and then ferry reletives out of town again. I got all the jobs done…but it wasn’t enough to get over the loss. But it would never have been enough to get over the loss. > > PS- One of my EBS’ daughters was dating the son of the owner of the funeral home. His ashes were never scattered as he requested and they seem to have ‘disapeared’ from the funeral home. Just another reason why I should Love my EBS… I just wanted to thank you for saying this. My mother died last year at 8:55 in the morning and that same night I went out to have a drink. I remember sitting at the bar and wondering what I was doing but I didn’t stop myself. I was in such complete shock that I didn’t know what to do but I have since felt guilty about doing something “normal” that night. I don’t remember much of the first week. I’m sorry about your loss. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2015, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-days-off-for-the-death-of-an-immediate-family-member-wtf/190547/67 "2015-11-14T19:50:19Z")
I think my office’s official time is 3 days, plus PTO and/or FMLA if you need it. I was working elsewhere when my intended died unexpectedly, and I have no idea how the time was coded. I got the news on a Tuesday, the funeral was Friday. I went back to work the following Wednesday, but my boss had told me that if I needed to, to go home. Don’t wait to tell her, just send an email and go. My intended’s mom went back to work two weeks after; she said she didn’t see the point of sitting around crying anymore, and wanted to go do something else. She still felt awful, obviously, but wanted the distractions. Years ago, I worked someplace that required a funeral service card or obituary about the death to code it as a death. That strikes me as kind of assholeish. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2015, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-days-off-for-the-death-of-an-immediate-family-member-wtf/190547/68 "2015-11-14T22:10:12Z")
Dutch here. A lot of my co-workers are now at the age where their parents die. Official time off is only for the funeral. But usually people take about ten days paid sick leave for arranging the affairs. A parent whose kid died, like your neighbour, would probably be told to take “as long as he needed”. And he would be urged to return about three weeks after, usually to work “therapeutically” at first. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2015, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-days-off-for-the-death-of-an-immediate-family-member-wtf/190547/69 "2015-11-15T01:29:21Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Is an employer a “covered entity,” within the meaning of HIPAA? Yes. If they have private health info, they cannot share it. If HR knows you’re out with TB, for example, they can’t tell your boss why you’re out, they just say that you’re on medical leave. No specifics. ---
**Author:** ![Amasia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba9def/32.png) [@Amasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amasia)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2015, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-days-off-for-the-death-of-an-immediate-family-member-wtf/190547/70 "2015-11-15T22:16:37Z")
> [@GrumpyBunny](#): > > Yes. If they have private health info, they cannot share it. If HR knows you’re out with TB, for example, they can’t tell your boss why you’re out, they just say that you’re on medical leave. No specifics. HR may have limitations on health information sharing, but it has nothing to do with HIPPA. Regardless, health information being shared is obviously upsetting and could be a state privacy law issue. Agree with the earlier advice to go to a labor lawyer and would also recommend being extremely cautious about sharing addition health-related information. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-days-off-for-the-death-of-an-immediate-family-member-wtf/190547.md?page=3)