# Two free tickets, three people **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 13, 2012, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638 "2012-09-13T23:05:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/81 "2012-09-14T14:52:25Z")
I’m quite surprised that nobody has said point blank yet that the OP’s grievance is not really about the ticket but about the fact his wife has a “fake” job that costs him money rather than brings in money. Play jobs only succeed if it’s already been discussed and that’s the law of the land before getting married. Usually they are the domain (briefly at that) of obscenely wealthy men on wives #2-infinity. They tend to last longer and be happier for the couple if the wife is serving the personal interests of the man (see: Sting’s second wife) by fundraising successfully. So either 1) The OP was duped and when they got married and she had a real (eg income earning) job or 2) He was duped into thinking she would be financially solvent sooner than later or 3) He was informed she would always be financially dependent on him and now he’s realizing the realities of the situation and isn’t thrilled with the day to day of it. I’m not passing judgement on either party here but I do want to point out that it’s _not at all_ about the tickets. The tickets are the manifestation of what I roughly explained above. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/82 "2012-09-14T15:00:05Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m quite surprised that nobody has said point blank yet that the OP’s grievance is not really about the ticket but about the fact his wife has a “fake” job that costs him money rather than brings in money. I think that’s because no one in this thread is a complete douchebag who is willing to assume a shit-ton of facts not in evidence. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/83 "2012-09-14T15:13:15Z")
It’s ok guys. If I know anything about theater, Chessic’s wife is getting her revenge backstage. Nightly. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/84 "2012-09-14T15:20:05Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > I’d be the first in line to buy a ticket to something my SO was involved in. It shows that I’m proud of him, not just supportive but proud. > > The flip side is “I’m not gonna bother to go unless it’s free.” I know that’s not your intent and that you’ll go even if you have to pay, but grousing about buying a ticket is kinda disrespectful, even dismissive. Exactly! ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/85 "2012-09-14T15:24:17Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > If your relationship is anything like the OP’s, I’m sure your wife will give just as many fucks about what you do with $20 worth of free swag from your workplace. 😉 😃 A touch, I do confess it. _bows graciously_ ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/86 "2012-09-14T15:35:40Z")
let her give away the tickets that were given to her. if she wants you to pay for a ticket to come then work out a deal with her; she mows the lawn, washes the car, kinky sex she normally won’t do. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/87 "2012-09-14T15:42:44Z")
I have been in/worked for theater productions. Your wife’s thoughts when she said the tickets were for the friends: 1. She wants a full house to see her perform! 2. She wants her friends to see her, and also fill the house. 3. She figured you would go, even if you had to pay $150 for a front row seat. 4. The cost of the ticket is yours as a couple, so she figures she is already paying for half of your seat. 5. She erroneously thought you wouldn’t be a jerk about it. Now, if these had been two free tickets to an event she were NOT an active participant (rock concert or professional basketball game, etc), then you could have been up in arms and suggested a 3 or 4 way split, but this is not the case. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/88 "2012-09-14T15:52:21Z")
Having forgotten about the fight with my wife I alluded to in post #62, and pretty sure that she’ll forget it completely in about 10 to 12 years, I’d say this is just one of those things married people must endure. My assessment in post #64 stands, except that it’s a matter of $20 which is not worth all the trouble. People aren’t perfect, and under the right circumstances little stupid things can blow up like this. Though biased, I think the OP is concerned that his wife has been as appreciative as she could be of his support for her activities. He should have been less confrontational in bringing this up, a bit of humor could have made the point without bickering in front of friends, and if the friends don’t reciprocate with a favor of equal or greater value (adjusted to their means), he should play an elaborate practical joke on them. Nothing too serious, but it’s really funny if it ends up involving Homeland Security. Based on some of the principals espoused here about a spouse doing whatever they want with individual perks earned by them, I intend to waste my sizable bonus this year on power tools and porn instead of adding to our retirement savings or home improvements my wife would like to see. I’m sure she’ll understand after I explain it to her. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/89 "2012-09-14T15:57:02Z")
All I want to say is that there has been some excellent snarking in this thread. Not going to say any names, but you know who ya are. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/90 "2012-09-14T16:47:11Z")
I’m sure it’s been said already, but let me +1 anyone who said that husbands and wives support each other, so when she made the quick decision that they go to your friends, you back her up. End of story, and yes, it’s that simple. She can back you up next time YOU make a quick decision that is neither life or death or meaningful in any real way. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/91 "2012-09-14T16:54:19Z")
> [@Sigmagirl](#): > > I’m with the OP in the letter of the law, but not in spirit. They should have discussed it in advance, and after the wife had offered the tickets to the friends, he should have kept his mouth shut and made a mental note that the next time the conversation should go like this: > > Husband: Did you get comp tickets for the show? > Wife: Yes, two. > Husband: OK, one’s for me; who should we give the other one to? > Wife: I think we should pay for you to go and we should give the comps to the Smiths. We need lots of people to come. > Husband: [Either pitches a fit or agrees] > Wife: [Either agrees that husband uses one ticket or holds firm in her belief] > /Wife: Hi, Smiths! [either] Here’s two free tickets for my show [or] I have a comp ticket for my show, so if you’re coming, one of you can get in free! This sounds pretty lame, too. Picture you win a twelve pack of Bud Lite in a raffle at work. You come home proudly bearing your case. Would it look like this: Husband: What is in that bag? Wife: I won a twelve pack of Bud Lite in the raffle at work. Yay! Husband. Okay, six of those are mine. Do you have any input on who we decide to give the other six to? Wife: Wait, what? A healthy relationship shares, but with mutual respect rather than a childish “What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine” attitude. It might be like this: Wife: Oh honey I’m so excited I got this great twelve pack of Bud Light from the raffle! Husband: Oh wow! That’s so cool! What were you thinking of doing with it? WIfe: I wanted to invite Mr. and Mrs. Smith over for a phat partay next Thursday. Husband: That sounds fun! Can I invite Mr. and Mrs. Cline? They are so good at Charades! WIfe: Will we have enough beer? Maybe we can pick up a bottle of two-buck Chuck to fill things out. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/92 "2012-09-14T16:55:54Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > A mere vocabulary oversight. My wife, these days, eats dinner on the road. So I’m only cooking for one. As for laundry, I’m banned from touching her stuff. She’s got some crazy rules, no doubt justifiably based in reality, for how her things must be laundered. So I avoid being summarily executed by avoiding washing her things. > > I think you’re reading into it too deeply. So supporting her is not expecting her to come home and make only your dinner after she’s eaten? And supporting her is not doing her laundry, but simply your own- by not expecting her to also do your laundry? Sorry, you’re not supporting her- you’re supporting yourself and she’s supporting herself (with respect to household chores). You sound petty and interested in some arbitrary definition of where you should line up in her life. She should put you first as her husband and you should put her first. But deciding who gets the tickets as a litmus test for her prioritizing right is small. Buy your ticket, let her advertise her show by handing out comp tickets to who she chooses to and be proud to pay to see your wife in a show. ---
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/93 "2012-09-14T17:02:43Z")
> [@Taomist](#): > > I’m sure it’s been said already, but let me +1 anyone who said that husbands and wives support each other, so when she made the quick decision that they go to your friends, you back her up. End of story, and yes, it’s that simple. Yeah, I’m going to +1 this as well. Also, so I don’t get accused of not answering the OP: > [@Chessic Sense](#): > > I’m in a conundrum in which I completely fail to see the other side’s view of this, so I need you all to tell me if I’m the crazy one here. You are the crazy one here. ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/94 "2012-09-14T19:29:20Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Yeah, God forbid I forsake all others and cleave unto her only. This ring on my finger is just a suggestion. So, wait. Does this mean you’re no longer [encouraging her to bring home random women for both of you to bang](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12412862&postcount=5)? Or does that fall under household goods that you’re first in line for? ---
**Author:** ![Beastly\_Rotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Beastly\_Rotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beastly_Rotter)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/95 "2012-09-14T20:59:41Z")
> [@Erdosain](#): > > So, wait. Does this mean you’re no longer [encouraging her to bring home random women for both of you to bang](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12412862&postcount=5)? That’s what the [bus](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=664074) is for. ---
**Author:** ![Yarster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/7c8e57/32.png) [@Yarster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yarster)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/96 "2012-09-14T21:50:14Z")
Wow, such passion and butthurt is going on in this thread. While I tend to agree something deeper is going on with the OP, the simple answer in my opinion, is that the right thing to do would be to let your wife offer the tickets to the friends, then at a later time (not in front of the friends) ask that in the future if she gets free tickets, you would appreciate it if she could reserve one of them for you. If there is some disagreement about that, at least your friends aren’t involved or aware of it. In the long run, I think both of you were wrong. Your wife should have offered a free ticket to you before offering one (or two, if you declined) tickets to the friends. You should have let her offer the tickets and not made a big deal about it, then mentioned it to her (nicely) at some later time without creating an embarrassing situation for your wife and friends. Of course, I am assuming this was a one time problem and perhaps this is a routine issue in your relationship. My wife often commits me to attending events with her that I don’t enjoy doing, and it is always doubly painful because I end up paying for both of us to do it since I make substantially more money than her. I can see how being a professional actress is an issue if it’s actually costing you significant money and you don’t enjoy her work. I’m not going to crucify you like so many others have done in this thread because I’ve been in situations like yours before, and reacted just like you did, but that was usually after several incidents where you were treated like a doormat and expected to fork over money for things you didn’t like or care about, and this may have been the straw that broke the camel’s back. I had a similar incident occur with my wife over something I felt was much larger (money wise) and I wonder how the teeming millions would react to my situation (not to derail yours). My wife’s mother is a realtor, and she was responsible for helping my wife and I, as well as her sisters and their husbands get their houses. In the case of my wife’s sisters and their husbands, they ultimately bought houses that were on the upper edge of what they could afford, and they struggled to even pay their closing costs, so her mother offered to do it for zero commission to help them both out. When we bought our house, it was well within our means, and because we had money, my wife volunteered to let her mother keep her full commission on the sale. While I agree she should get something, I hardly felt getting the whole thing was right given that the other sisters didn’t pay anything, and we had taken very little of her time in finding a house (unlike them as both were more picky). I ultimately had a nice sitdown with both of them and we agreed she would get the full commission and in exchange, she would buy us our refrigerator, washer, and dryer in exchange. So was I an asshole? I guess to put it another way, if the friends that got your two tickets had a history of being in similar circumstances as you, but in their case they always offered one to their spouse and one to you and your wife with the expectation you’d buy the other one, would you still be getting crucified if you were simply reciprocating? ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/97 "2012-09-14T22:00:21Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Two people have to pay $6.67, but one person gets to pay only $6.66. Which one should it be? No. All 3 pay $6.66. The other 2 cents I already gave Chessic upthread. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/98 "2012-09-14T23:02:30Z")
> [@Yarster](#): > > I had a similar incident occur with my wife over something I felt was much larger (money wise) and I wonder how the teeming millions would react to my situation (not to derail yours). My wife’s mother is a realtor, and she was responsible for helping my wife and I, as well as her sisters and their husbands get their houses. In the case of my wife’s sisters and their husbands, they ultimately bought houses that were on the upper edge of what they could afford, and they struggled to even pay their closing costs, so her mother offered to do it for zero commission to help them both out. When we bought our house, it was well within our means, and because we had money, my wife volunteered to let her mother keep her full commission on the sale. While I agree she should get something, I hardly felt getting the whole thing was right given that the other sisters didn’t pay anything, and we had taken very little of her time in finding a house (unlike them as both were more picky). I ultimately had a nice sitdown with both of them and we agreed she would get the full commission and in exchange, she would buy us our refrigerator, washer, and dryer in exchange. So was I an asshole? I’m not going to say you were an asshole, but I think you were wrong. Your MIL didn’t owe you any favors. Just because she had made a sacrifice to her other kids by waiving her commissions with their transactions doesnt mean this sacrifice was something you were entitled to. Maybe she needed the money more when you bought your house. Does it suck a little that she didnt do this for you? Yeah. But guilting her into buying your appliances sounds petty and demanding to me. For all you know, she might have been planning on treating you and your wife to a gift much nicer than those things, but decided not to do so once you took that opportunity away from her. This is why mixing family and business is such a bad idea. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/99 "2012-09-14T23:10:18Z")
> [@How do I dump her?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-dump-her/446504/71): > > I’d have no problem crushing the poor girl except that I really want her to land on her feet. If I hated her, it’d be different. The problem is that I love the girl, just not in the way (or as much?) as she wants me to. Otherwise, this’d be a piece of cake. > > About the cheating…I wouldn’t call it ‘rampant’. It’s been about 3 girls in 2 years, most of which are guaranteed clean, the rest are ‘most likely’ clean. Other than that, it’s just been non-disease style. You know, like kissing, flirting, and whatnot. Yeah, she’d be pissed about it, but not diseased from it. So, how many times have you cheated on her since you got married? ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638/100 "2012-09-14T23:44:12Z")
\*\*Yarster[/] Start a new thread. Your issues are different from the ones in this thread. A more interesting discussion will occur if it’s a new thread. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/two-free-tickets-three-people/634638.md?page=6)