# Typical masturbation session: how into it are you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 10, 2010, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696 "2010-10-10T17:25:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2010, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/41 "2010-10-11T22:50:47Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > \ > Last night I stayed up late to masturbate. > It was so nice! I did it twice. > Last night I stayed up late to pull my pud. > It felt so good! I knew it would. > You should see me working on the short strokes; > I use my hand. It’s simply grand. > You should see me working on the long strokes. > I use my feet. It’s really neat. > Smash it! Bash it! Beat it on the floor. > Smite it! Bite it! Ram it through the door. > I have some friends who seem to think that a fuck is simply grand, > But for all around enjoyment I prefer it in the hand. You have that stuck in my head now, **Clothahump**. I hope you’re satisfied. I mean _really_ satisfied. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/42 "2010-10-12T02:04:08Z")
> [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > > [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > > > Less labor intensive, my ass. > > If your ass is involved, are you doing it wrong? (then again…) “…missed it by That much…” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/43 "2010-10-12T03:02:08Z")
As I’ve aged, I’ve noticed that I need a greater concentration, that any momentary distraction can lead to failure (in the past, failures were extremely rare). I also need a different physical stimulus than I used to. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/44 "2010-10-12T05:55:17Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > \ > Last night I stayed up late to masturbate. > It was so nice! I did it twice. > Last night I stayed up late to pull my pud. > It felt so good! I knew it would. > You should see me working on the short strokes; > I use my hand. It’s simply grand. > You should see me working on the long strokes. > I use my feet. It’s really neat. > Smash it! Bash it! Beat it on the floor. > Smite it! Bite it! Ram it through the door. > I have some friends who seem to think that a fuck is simply grand, > But for all around enjoyment I prefer it in the hand. My dorm’s official cheer when I was in college. I also printed it in our dorm magazine, to preserve it for eternity. Excellent fight song, don’t you think? ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/45 "2010-10-12T06:47:06Z")
> [@Walmarticus](#): > > I wasn’t strictly talking about the female capacity for multiple orgasms. I think that women are more capable of contributing to the intensity of an orgasm achieved through masturbation. Judging by my own experience, marginal product of wank becomes negative after about five minutes, because maintaining the erection itself takes a good bit of friction and forearm strength. > > For the female, marginal product of wank continues to be positive longer, because arousal is less labor intensive. It’d be less embarassing for you if you’d just admitted you have no idea what happens when women masturbate. ---
**Author:** ![palacheck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a88e57/32.png) [@palacheck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palacheck)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/46 "2010-10-12T08:37:05Z")
I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm in under 15 minutes. Even as a young man masturbation/sex had to last at least 20-30 minutes before I could reach orgasm. I know this must be unusual for a man, but I’ve never ejaculated “too early” in my life. So I guess when I masturbate I have to really, really get into it because it takes quite a bit of work/time to climax. ---
**Author:** ![Amblydoper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@Amblydoper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amblydoper)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/47 "2010-10-12T09:35:43Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > > [@Walmarticus](#): > > > > …maintaining the erection itself takes a good bit of friction and forearm strength. > > It’d be less embarassing for you if you’d just admitted you have no idea what happens when women masturbate. He doesn’t seem to know much about male masturbation either. ---
**Author:** ![Omi\_no\_Kami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Omi\_no\_Kami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omi_no_Kami)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/48 "2010-10-12T09:50:38Z")
> [@Walmarticus](#): > > I wasn’t strictly talking about the female capacity for multiple orgasms. I think that women are more capable of contributing to the intensity of an orgasm achieved through masturbation. Judging by my own experience, marginal product of wank becomes negative after about five minutes, because maintaining the erection itself takes a good bit of friction and forearm strength. > > For the female, marginal product of wank continues to be positive longer, because arousal is less labor intensive. The real problem isn’t a matter of the intensity of the labor, although I would concede that once the labor expended passes a certain margin the slope of the line indicating cost/benefit ratio crosses the y axis and once it’s negative the wank quotient will certainly never get ahead of itself unless you attempt to derive the product of two negative wanks. However, if you’re needing a lot of forearm strength I think your technique might need some refinement: it’s a push-pull maneuver, like when drawing a hunting bow, so you should really be working on your biceps more than anything. As for generating sufficient friction without multiplying drag, I only have one word for you: sandpaper, it works every time. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/49 "2010-10-12T15:08:31Z")
I’m … going to go hide in a corner, I think. (I’ve never heard an engineer - physicist? - talk so dirty before.) ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/50 "2010-10-12T15:12:35Z")
As with anything else in life . . . as much as I’m looking forward to the destination, the journey can be just as rewarding. ---
**Author:** ![Walmarticus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Walmarticus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walmarticus)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/51 "2010-10-12T16:30:09Z")
> [@Omi\_no\_Kami](#): > > The real problem isn’t a matter of the intensity of the labor, although I would concede that once the labor expended passes a certain margin the slope of the line indicating cost/benefit ratio crosses the y axis and once it’s negative the wank quotient will certainly never get ahead of itself unless you attempt to derive the product of two negative wanks. > > However, if you’re needing a lot of forearm strength I think your technique might need some refinement: it’s a push-pull maneuver, like when drawing a hunting bow, so you should really be working on your biceps more than anything. > > As for generating sufficient friction without multiplying drag, I only have one word for you: sandpaper, it works every time. Normally, I’d be happy to give your wank model a trial in the wind tunnel, but I’ve decided that my comparative advantage in wankology lies in a more theoretical analysis of the properties of wank. > [@elfkin477](#): > > It’d be less embarassing for you if you’d just admitted you have no idea what happens when women masturbate. What on earth makes you say this? The female masturbatory process is one of the most well documented natural phenomena. There are thousands of case studies on Bangbros alone. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/52 "2010-10-12T16:46:16Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > > [@CanvasShoes](#): > > > > Um..what? > > I can’t tell if he thinks women don’t have orgasms, or all women typically experience multiple orgasms. Either way, I feel he’s a bit confused. That’s what I was thinking too. Or rather wondering. The phrase he used, at least to me, says “I don’t know a single thing about women’s sexuality”. 🙂 But I imagine I’ll get my answers further down thread, which I haven’t had a chance to completely read yet. ---
**Author:** ![Walmarticus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Walmarticus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walmarticus)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/53 "2010-10-12T16:57:07Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > > [@elfkin477](#): > > > > I can’t tell if he thinks women don’t have orgasms, or all women typically experience multiple orgasms. Either way, I feel he’s a bit confused. > > That’s what I was thinking too. Or rather wondering. The phrase he used, at least to me, says “I don’t know a single thing about women’s sexuality”. > > 🙂 But I imagine I’ll get my answers further down thread, which I haven’t had a chance to completely read yet. While my orgasms vary in intensity proportional to the amount of stimulation, I don’t think they vary to the same degree that women’s do. That’s what I meant. I thought ‘polishing the hubcap’ was a funny euphemism. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/54 "2010-10-12T17:00:30Z")
What does it have to do with a hubcap? ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/55 "2010-10-12T17:04:59Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > What does it have to do with a hubcap? Seconded. I think that’s why you’re getting “grief” from the female dopers. The hubcap comment makes no sense. ---
**Author:** ![Walmarticus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Walmarticus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walmarticus)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/56 "2010-10-12T17:07:27Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > > [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > > > What does it have to do with a hubcap? > > Seconded. I think that’s why you’re getting “grief” from the female dopers. The hubcap comment makes no sense. Then, suggest a female version of ‘polishing the helmet’ and carry on with the discussion of wankory. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/57 "2010-10-12T17:12:14Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > I’m … going to go hide in a corner, I think. (I’ve never heard an engineer - physicist? - talk so dirty before.) Just wait til we pull out the Computer Numerically Controlled grinder/polisher with engineered diamond dust abrasive! ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/58 "2010-10-12T17:15:03Z")
Your comment was _ **’I’d imagine that a female would approach the task as one polishing a hubcap. Calling the job done is more of a judgment call. "** _ The two ideas don’t jibe. The first part “approach the job as on polishing a hubcap”. How exactly DOES one approach the job of polishing a hubcap that is similar to a woman masturbating? And what does polishing a hubcap have to do with knowing a job is done or not? That is what people are trying to figure out. And secondly, what makes it funny? Are you trying to say that the girlie bits ARE the hubcap? That makes less sense, Okay, I’m old, but I can’t be alone in never having heard that particular _ahem_ nickname for the female anatomy. Sorry, I’m not being snarky here, I really am just trying to figure out what you were trying to say. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/59 "2010-10-12T18:12:59Z")
I don’t understand the hubcap or the M&M analogy. I’m also confused as to how something as simple as masturbation got turned into something requiring an engineering degree to understand. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/60 "2010-10-12T18:16:17Z")
Yeah. Maybe it’s because I’ve never polished hubcaps, so I don’t know what it means. The “how do you know when you’re done” question sort of made sense in conjunction to the hubcap but now that I know that’s not what you mean, I’m even more confused. **gallows fodder** , I took the M&Ms one to mean that when you stop eating M&Ms, you just stop because you’re full or you’re tired of them. It’s not that you physically can’t eat anymore. You probably could pop just one more in, but you just don’t feel like it. That’s how it is with me and masturbation. A lot of times I figure, I could have just one more, but…eh, not in the mood anymore. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696.md?page=4)