# Typical masturbation session: how into it are you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 10, 2010, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696 "2010-10-10T17:25:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![palacheck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a88e57/32.png) [@palacheck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palacheck)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/101 "2010-10-13T21:10:30Z")
> [@gytalf2000](#): > > Now, I don’t know how odd this is, but I have never used my hands much when masturbating – I just don’t like the sensation. I am a “Mattress humper”, instead! I enjoy rubbing up against my mattress while looking at my own twisted, deranged paraphiliac’s version of porn – superheroine knockout scenes! I thought mattress humping was a no-no for men. It damages the penis or something…I don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![Walmarticus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Walmarticus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walmarticus)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/102 "2010-10-13T21:37:41Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > So when you land, do you applaud? Of course not. I step into the aisle of the plane and bow. ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/103 "2010-10-14T11:41:37Z")
> [@](#): > > Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy; he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft, Where be your gibes now? been taking anti-depessants for the last 8 months, and can count the number of ejeculations I had since with one hand(heh), and not for lack of trying mind you… woe is me ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/104 "2010-10-14T12:26:24Z")
If it’s affecting you or your loved one, talk to your Doctor, there’s a RAFT of different anti-depressants, not all of them affect the libido. ---
**Author:** ![wolf-alice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9e8a1a/32.png) [@wolf-alice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf-alice)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/105 "2010-10-14T13:10:28Z")
[QUOTE=palacheck] I thought mattress humping was a no-no for men. It damages the penis or something…I don’t know. [/QUOTE] As a teenager him indoors tried that. _Once_. Still has the scar. ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/106 "2010-10-14T13:27:14Z")
> [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > If it’s affecting you or your loved one, talk to your Doctor, there’s a RAFT of different anti-depressants, not all of them affect the libido. Libido is not the issue, its the competion part, but it’s okay, I had a lot trouble adjusting to the side effects, it seems to be doing its job(mood wise) and would prefer not to go though the adjustment periode again… ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/107 "2010-10-14T13:31:57Z")
Sorry sorry sorry, too early and not enough coffee…there are different meds that affect the whole sex thing differently, including completion… ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/108 "2010-10-14T15:25:26Z")
> [@palacheck](#): > > I thought mattress humping was a no-no for men. It damages the penis or something…I don’t know. I did it from my very first, accidental, unintentional orgasm at 13 or so until I was in my late 20’s. I heard something on the radio about how it could create problems, but it was unclear to me what exactly the problem was. Better safe than sorry. Fortunately it hasn’t had any deleterious effect on my ability to use the organ for all intended purposes thus far, 30 years after I started. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/109 "2010-10-14T16:46:21Z")
> [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > I can’t believe people actually do this at the office. I just realized, as I was on my way to the lockable private bathroom on this floor with a folded up magazine and a bottle of lotion, that I could be thought of as a complete perv. Of course the magazine was to while away the minutes and the lotion was Sarna that I was going to apply to some itchy spots but if someone has seen me and put their own “2+2” together, my reputation could have been ruined. ---
**Author:** ![gytalf2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ac91a4/32.png) [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/110 "2010-10-14T17:48:28Z")
> [@palacheck](#): > > > [@gytalf2000](#): > > > > Now, I don’t know how odd this is, but I have never used my hands much when masturbating – I just don’t like the sensation. I am a “Mattress humper”, instead! I enjoy rubbing up against my mattress while looking at my own twisted, deranged paraphiliac’s version of porn – superheroine knockout scenes! > > I thought mattress humping was a no-no for men. It damages the penis or something…I don’t know. I had not heard of any danger involved in mattress-humping. I have always found the sensation quite pleasurable. I may have to check and see if my penis has sustained any damage, but, at this late date, it seems silly to worry too much about it. The mattress-humping hasn’t led to blindness or anything like that, but it might be a contributing factor to my insanity. Ha! ---
**Author:** ![palacheck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a88e57/32.png) [@palacheck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palacheck)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/111 "2010-10-14T19:28:13Z")
> [@gytalf2000](#): > > I had not heard of any danger involved in mattress-humping. I have always found the sensation quite pleasurable. I may have to check and see if my penis has sustained any damage, but, at this late date, it seems silly to worry too much about it. > > The mattress-humping hasn’t led to blindness or anything like that, but it might be a contributing factor to my insanity. Ha! Yeah as far as unusual masturbation methods go, mattress humping is waaaay down the list. ---
**Author:** ![eldowan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@eldowan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eldowan)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/112 "2010-10-14T19:39:12Z")
> [@Amblydoper](#): > > It depends on my mood. sometimes, I just want to pull one off, so I open up a tried and true porn video, and 5 minutes later, I can move on with my day. Other times, I like to take my sweet time, browsing new material, and building up to a nice climax. Occaisionally, I will skip the computer and fantasize about something, but that takes more effort, and I have to be in a particular mood. Even the fantasies in my head play like movies, though. Male here, and I agree with the above. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2010, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/113 "2010-10-15T06:05:29Z")
I find the mattress thing tickles too much. It’d be like trying to get off with a feather. I mean, I would go dry for months, and the mattress thing would not do anything. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2010, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/114 "2010-10-15T06:33:56Z")
Generally speaking, sex with myself is about relaxing and getting the need for release met. Sex with others is about everything else, orgasm is almost a bummer because it signals the end. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/115 "2010-10-15T18:06:00Z")
Is this true or an urban legend? I have heard the story many times-a guy winds up in the hospital emergency room, with severe damage to his schlong-due to inserting it into the nozzle of a high power vacuum cleaner. There are variations on tyhe story…like the guy who stiches it back on, and resumes work. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2010, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696/116 "2010-10-15T18:46:07Z")
[The Master has spoken.](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/914/whats-up-with-vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/typical-masturbation-session-how-into-it-are-you/556696.md?page=5)