# Ugh. A friend is assuming I will lie for him. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 30, 2011, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630 "2011-08-30T14:52:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/21 "2011-08-30T20:09:35Z")
Sorry, but no. I don’t ask friends to lie for me and I won’t lie for friends. Lying on a job application is an asinine thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![randomface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5fc32e/32.png) [@randomface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randomface)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/22 "2011-08-30T20:26:42Z")
Lying on a job application is a good way to get fired when/if they find out. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/23 "2011-08-30T20:27:09Z")
At least he’s not asking you to help move a body. … but enough about my friends. I’d do it, I’d be pissed they didn’t ask me first, however. Especially since I’m a poor liar. It’s not my first instinct and I tend to go silent while the gears turn. Not a good way to convince someone of anything. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/24 "2011-08-30T20:45:54Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > Wow. Your friend was there for you, yet here you are debating whether or not you should be there for him. And not even because it would inconvenience you, but because of some nebulous fucking “Moral” dilemma. > > Not only would I give my mate a reference, by the time I am done he will have invented the fucking light bulb. > [@Steophan](#): > > This. If you wouldn’t lie for a friend in these circumstances, you’re not a good friend. I don’t lie to benefit myself, and I sure don’t lie to benefit other people. I would greatly appreciate all my friend had done for me, but I would not do something against my ethics for him, and if he was a good friend, I’d hope he’d already know how I’d feel about lying for him. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/25 "2011-08-30T21:03:34Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > This. If you wouldn’t lie for a friend in these circumstances, you’re not a good friend. Friendship is not a resource to be exploited. Anyone who would ask what **Foxtrot** ’s friend is asking, under these circumstances (having already set themselves up to fail unless **Foxtrot** violates his ethics) is not a good friend. A good friend would consider such a request a last resort. He would not put **Foxtrot** in such a position by choice. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/26 "2011-08-30T21:12:30Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I would not do something against my ethics for him, and if he was a good friend, I’d hope he’d already know how I’d feel about lying for him. I hope your “friends” know that you will only be there for them when it is easy to do so. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/27 "2011-08-30T21:13:08Z")
I’d tell him not to do it again but I wouldn’t be pissed. Especially when you’ve leaned on him in the past before. That just screams “ungrateful friend” to me. ---
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/28 "2011-08-30T21:24:23Z")
This guy is not your friend. He is an acquaintance. He is “this guy I know.” Do NOT lie for him. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/29 "2011-08-30T21:30:29Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > I hope your “friends” know that you will only be there for them when it is easy to do so. “Easy” and “honest” are not synonyms. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/30 "2011-08-30T21:35:18Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > I hope your “friends” know that you will only be there for them when it is easy to do so. It seems to me lying is usually the easy way out. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/31 "2011-08-30T21:38:02Z")
> [@Grumman](#): > > Friendship is not a resource to be exploited. Anyone who would ask what **Foxtrot** ’s friend is asking, under these circumstances (having already set themselves up to fail unless **Foxtrot** violates his ethics) is not a good friend. > > A good friend would consider such a request a last resort. He would not put **Foxtrot** in such a position by choice. Yep. If I were **Foxtrot** , I would consider this friendship to have been damaged by the other guy’s action, regardless of whether I went along with it for this occasion. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/32 "2011-08-30T21:53:31Z")
Good Grief! Some of you folks need to learn what the definition of friend means. Seriously dude, it’s not like he’s asking you to cover for him so he can cheat on his wife. ---
**Author:** ![PapSett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@PapSett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PapSett)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/33 "2011-08-30T23:23:39Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > Ouch, that’s ugly. What happened the next time you saw your “friend”? Did you confront her? Did she act like nothing happened? Curious! I imagine you both aren’t still speaking…? When I saw her at work the next day I DID confront her and asked her WTF she was thinking! She apologized for putting me in that position, and while we still talked after that, we were never close again. She ended up moving to Indy, if I remember correctly. It’s been a LONG time ago. And yeah, I suspect her husband did suspect something. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/34 "2011-08-30T23:39:14Z")
the problem is that this could spin way out of control. Contacting references isn’t like contacting former employers; the latter will usually just say the minimum they can (“yes, so-and-so worked here from y to z”) but talking with references can cover anything. If they ask more than just if you worked together and where, you could end up telling them a bunch of bullshit that’s completely different than what he told them. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/35 "2011-08-30T23:41:04Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Good Grief! Some of you folks need to learn what the definition of friend means. does that definition include “don’t put your friends on the spot?” > [@](#): > > Seriously dude, it’s not like he’s asking you to cover for him so he can cheat on his wife. no, but as I allude to in my previous post, he could be putting AF in the position where he’ll fuck his friend over inadvertently. this must be why I don’t have any friends… ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/36 "2011-08-30T23:41:34Z")
> [@a35362](#): > > This guy is not your friend. He is an acquaintance. He is “this guy I know.” > > Do NOT lie for him. Sounds like this guy has been a damn good friend in the past. I would also lie for him in this instance but tell him should have asked first. ---
**Author:** ![NGC2024](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f475e1/32.png) [@NGC2024](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NGC2024)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/37 "2011-08-30T23:51:59Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > the problem is that this could spin way out of control. Contacting references isn’t like contacting former employers; the latter will usually just say the minimum they can (“yes, so-and-so worked here from y to z”) but talking with references can cover anything. If they ask more than just if you worked together and where, you could end up telling them a bunch of bullshit that’s completely different than what he told them. Not only could this spin completely out of control, it could spin also off into… absolutely nothing. The potential employer might not even call the reference. I have been asked to act as a reference for both coworkers and friends at least ten times over the past five years and not once has a potential employer actually called me to provide the reference. I can’t see getting too worked up about this potentiality. ---
**Author:** ![crazytooth615](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazytooth615/32/4890_2.png) [@crazytooth615](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crazytooth615)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/38 "2011-08-30T23:56:14Z")
Comparing apples to apples, he set the ball in motion with the Lumber lie before asking you at all, putting you on the spot after the fact. Not similarly, you probably did not show up on his sofa and say “hey bud I’m staying with you for a bit, ok?” This was probably an agreement the two of you came to together, and he accepted or offered, not sure b/c you didn’t share that detail, but regardless, you probably did not just show up at his place. I would not feel guilty. “After all he did for you” is usually a way people try to manipulate others. Anything he has done for you was his choice. You can thank him for his kindness, but say you don’t appreciate that he put your reputation in jeopardy. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/39 "2011-08-31T00:08:18Z")
> [@Canadjun](#): > > My ethics are definitely not angelic, and I’m not suggesting that this is the most moral thing to do, just what _I_ would do. I’d tell the friend that I would lie for them **this** time, but I do not appreciate being told after-the-fact and don’t like the idea of outright lying on a reference call (bullshiting about what a fantastic co-worker someone was given that they really were a co-worker is another matter - I’ve done that more than once:D). I’d ask them to please don’t do that again. I aim to be honest at all times, but if I were the OP, I’d probably do this. Only because the friend has shown himself to be a good friend in the past, and was fired from his last job for BS reasons. It’s hell to be unemployed right now. I would take one for the team and agree to lie for him. But yeah, he should have asked for that favor, not assumed you would just go along with it. That was poor form. ---
**Author:** ![clarkstar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@clarkstar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clarkstar)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630/40 "2011-08-31T00:19:12Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Good Grief! Some of you folks need to learn what the definition of friend means. > > Seriously dude, it’s not like he’s asking you to cover for him so he can cheat on his wife. yeah this is silly [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-a-friend-is-assuming-i-will-lie-for-him/594630.md?page=3)