# Ugh. Relationship (or something) advice needed. Long, boring, dumb. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 11, 2007, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679 "2007-04-11T18:44:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dunawake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85f322/32.png) [@Dunawake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunawake)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/21 "2007-04-11T21:08:14Z")
Trying to put myself in his shoes, I don’t think anything you could say would deter me from trying to “set matters right” by getting something to replace it. Especially since you teared up a bit when it was broken, I don’t think there’s any you’ll be able to convince him now that it really isn’t a big deal. Is he still insistent on replacing it with an identical plate, or is he willing to find an alternative replacement with your help? I’m sure whatever he picks out (that you approve of) will resolve the matter in his mind. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/22 "2007-04-11T21:14:37Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] I think you’re right. This morning he was mentioning how he “lost points” the night before, etc. I told him to quit being dumb. You know, I never have issues like this with my dog. [/QUOTE] Yeah, but you dont have sex with your dog either 😉 As for the plate, I suggest he makes one himself at a local ceramics store. It’s cute and shows his caring in a sensitive yet cool way. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/23 "2007-04-11T21:20:55Z")
[QUOTE=Dunawake] Especially since you teared up a bit when it was broken, I don’t think there’s any you’ll be able to convince him now that it really isn’t a big deal. [/quote] GAH - I know! Particularly since when we first started dating I told him that I’m not a cryer. And I’m really not - I was just totally PMSy last night and that’s it, but now he thinks that the stupid plate was a really big deal. > [@](#): > > I’m sure whatever he picks out (that you approve of) will resolve the matter in his mind. Well, I hope so. I really don’t want it to be a big deal. It’s NOT a big deal as far as I’m concerned. I mean, shit happens - it’s not like it was my dog or something, right? I suggested that we could go to a local trendy area with lots of little art shops and pick something out - hopefully he’ll go along with this. I really would rather have something from _HIM_ than a replacement for something I got from some other guy. I think that’s part of the issue too - he thinks I still have feelings for the ex or something I think - FWIW, I certainly do not. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/24 "2007-04-11T21:22:39Z")
You might try the tactic that I’ve used with some of my friends when I’ve treated them to lunch and they say something to the effect that they’ll pick up the tab next time: “We’re old enough now where we don’t have to keep tabs on how much we spend on each other, right? Because I find the whole ledger thing to be exhausting. I’m certainly not keeping track and I hope you don’t either.” ---
**Author:** ![redtail23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@redtail23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/redtail23)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/25 "2007-04-11T21:43:13Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] GAH - I know! Particularly since when we first started dating I told him that I’m not a cryer. And I’m really not - I was just totally PMSy last night and that’s it, but now he thinks that the stupid plate was a really big deal. [/QUOTE] Have you tried explaining this part to him? It depends on his past dating history and/or life experience, but some guys do understand this. “Oh, honey, I know I got all weepy about it last night, but I was just tired and PMSy. Really, it’s not that big a deal, I swear.” would work in my house. If he’s still not sure and needs a ManQuest ™, follow up with a repeat suggestion that you’d rather pick out something new with him. If he’s not listening, grab him by the ears and tell him so. Then repeat it again. Alternatively, out-guilt him. Explain the PMS thing, then start going on about how bad you feel that you made him feel so bad about something not important. Everytime he mentions it, go off again about how bad you feel. OK, I’m joking, but I do know people that this is the best method. [disclaimer]I’m really crappy at relationships and communications, so use at your own risk. No warranty, express or implied. Offer not valid in the USA. YMMV.[/disclaimer] ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/26 "2007-04-11T21:50:26Z")
[QUOTE=redtail23] Have you tried explaining this part to him? [/quote] Indeed I did. However, I think he might just be feeling ManQuesty, and the relationship is pretty new and I think he’s still trying to “impress” me. (His words, not mine). I mean, it’s working, I’m impressed, but I don’t want him to break his neck trying to find a stupid plate. Grrrrrrr - **CURSE YOU STUPID PLATE!!!** ---
**Author:** ![Dunawake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85f322/32.png) [@Dunawake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunawake)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/27 "2007-04-11T21:56:36Z")
Alternatively, the world needs more ManQuests ™, and it’s the lack of them that is causing him to obsess over the plate. Heh. ManQuest…great word 😛 ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/28 "2007-04-11T21:57:56Z")
[QUOTE=Dunawake] Alternatively, the world needs more ManQuests ™, and it’s the lack of them that is causing him to obsess over the plate. [/QUOTE] Well, there’s a decided lack of dragons in my neighbourhood - or my city for that matter - so perhaps the plate will have to stand in for now. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/29 "2007-04-11T22:05:59Z")
Everybody has already covered every single point I was going to, so let me just add that it is my fervent wish for you and the BF that this is the most difficult issue you ever have to deal with in your relationship! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/30 "2007-04-11T22:07:13Z")
[QUOTE=freckafree] Everybody has already covered every single point I was going to, so let me just add that it is my fervent wish for you and the BF that this is the most difficult issue you ever have to deal with in your relationship! 😉 [/QUOTE] 🙂 Yah, me too. I did say it was dumb. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/31 "2007-04-11T22:10:47Z")
The next time it comes up, make it seem like even less of a deal than it was. Laugh and say something like, ‘Are you still on that? You’re so sweet. Well if you really want to make it up to me you can [make me dinner/go to my family reunion/etc.]. That would mean more to me than the plate.’ …or something. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/32 "2007-04-12T00:58:50Z")
Well, I talked to him on the phone just now, and he didn’t bring it up. Hopefully that means he’s just gonna let it drop. I really don’t want there to be this ‘thing’ hanging between us, yano? ---
**Author:** ![MannyL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@MannyL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MannyL)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/33 "2007-04-12T03:20:07Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] Well, I talked to him on the phone just now, and he didn’t bring it up. Hopefully that means he’s just gonna let it drop. [/QUOTE] I thought him letting the plate drop is what caused the problem 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Caught\_Work](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/919ad9/32.png) [@Caught\_Work](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caught_Work)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/34 "2007-04-12T05:56:56Z")
Tell him the tears were of joy because that damn plate was so hideous you never really wanted it in the first place, but you put it up there because it was so hideous that it would remind you never to get anything like that again. Then have hot monkey sex. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/35 "2007-04-12T06:04:42Z")
[QUOTE=Caught@Work] Then have hot monkey sex. [/QUOTE] I’m interested in your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter… ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/36 "2007-04-12T06:28:01Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] You know, I was wondering if this was some sort of “Man-Mission” that he’s on or something. It’s like the more difficult I make finding the replacement sound, the more determined he is to find it. [/quote] \*\*Lanzy \*\* and **Quiddity Glomfuster** had it right. We’re guys. We make things right, even if it means going to the ends of the earth to make women happy (sometimes even if it pisses women off royally when we do it–we’re also more than a little clueless emotionally.) Just be glad that he broke a plate and not a grail. You would have knights and horses running through your kitchen. Let him slay the dragon, or at least give him a chance to save face. The next time that he brings it up, let him go on for a while. When he’s done, grin a bit and say “Eh, just buy me dinner and we’ll call it even. That’s about how much the plate cost.” > [@](#): > > I should have said I got it at Walmart. I know that you’re venting, but this isn’t a good idea. Guys want the hard facts, even if it hurts (so that they can go off on a quest to Make Things Right.) ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/37 "2007-04-12T08:41:30Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] I think you’re right. This morning he was mentioning how he “lost points” the night before, etc. I told him to quit being dumb. You know, I never have issues like this with my dog. [/QUOTE] Maybe he’ll understand it better if you say “this ain’t the playoffs, you know.” Are ManQuests like allergies, in that if you don’t get enough exposure to The Real Thing, you start hunting for dragons in the underwear drawer? Maybe you could get him to sign up as a Red Cross volunteer? Maybe you could get dragon-embroidered underwear! ---
**Author:** ![FRDE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e68b1a/32.png) [@FRDE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FRDE)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/38 "2007-04-12T09:24:29Z")
As a male, I can see where he is coming from, he sounds like a nice guy and feels guilty as hell. Tell him 1. the tears were PMT 2. the plate looks fine now it is glued up 3. if he got you another the same, then you would just have two the same 4. if he makes any more fuss then you’ll break the darn thing yourself 5. monkey sex sounds a good idea You want to get a bit careful on the gift side, once he gets it in his mind that you like plates, he’ll start getting them for you as a form of tribute - you could land up with an involuntary collection. ---
**Author:** ![FRDE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e68b1a/32.png) [@FRDE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FRDE)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/39 "2007-04-12T09:54:18Z")
I’ve been thinking about this and I’ve got an idea that might just work, if you and he have a warped sense of humour. Go to an arty shop, look for something ugly and inexpensive, the nicer you both say it is then the uglier you both think it is. The more you coo, the nastier it is. Make sure the proprietor is watching you with interest, and then he can drop the thing - and go into paroxisms of apologies - and of course pay for it. Neither of you must laugh. No points if it does not break. No points either if you land up buying one from the storeroom. Call it striking a blow for aesthetics 🙂 I can think of variations on that theme, for example loudly shopping for something for ‘Auntie Flo’ who has execrable taste - ‘but is it kitschy enough ?’ - ‘I think this is even schmaltzier’ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/40 "2007-04-12T12:12:21Z")
[QUOTE=FRDE] I’ve been thinking about this and I’ve got an idea that might just work, if you and he have a warped sense of humour. Go to an arty shop, look for something ugly and inexpensive, the nicer you both say it is then the uglier you both think it is. The more you coo, the nastier it is. Make sure the proprietor is watching you with interest, and then he can drop the thing - and go into paroxisms of apologies - and of course pay for it. Neither of you must laugh. No points if it does not break. No points either if you land up buying one from the storeroom. Call it striking a blow for aesthetics 🙂 I can think of variations on that theme, for example loudly shopping for something for ‘Auntie Flo’ who has execrable taste - ‘but is it kitschy enough ?’ - ‘I think this is even schmaltzier’ [/QUOTE] I think I love you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679.md?page=3)