# Ugh. Relationship (or something) advice needed. Long, boring, dumb. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 11, 2007, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679 "2007-04-11T18:44:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/41 "2007-04-12T16:06:23Z")
[QUOTE=McNew] Sit him down and say “look- yes, you broke the plate and it upset me. But although I wish it hadn’t happened, it’s really not that big a deal any longer. I like you and I don’t feel any differently toward you now than I did before it happened. I won’t hold a grudge about this and won’t throw it back in your face if some day down the road we have a fight. Now lets go out and get something together, and then you can buy me a nice dinner!”, or something along those lines. [/QUOTE] As a man, I would want this in writing. Becuase if not it leads to… [QUOTE=Waverly] You need to give him hard time about it. After he is feeling pretty bad, tell him it’s OK; it’s not a big deal. As soon as he begins to perk up a bit, start in again about how it’s not a big deal _but…_ you really loved the plate. A lot. Repeat. Forever. [/QUOTE] I would pay good money to find out why this is so common. Oh, and why mothers do it too. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/42 "2007-04-12T16:23:50Z")
I think maybe you should just tell him the truth about why the piece didn’t mean that much to you. You can tell him it was a gift from an old boyfriend years ago (you don’t have to say “fiancé”), and that you would actually appreciate it more to receive something that reminds you of HIM than of a dead relationship from the past. The problem right now is that he feels like he has to fix everything so it’s just the same as before (guys are “fixers”) and he feels like not getting exactly the same piece would be akin to an “incomplete” repair job. That’s why I think you should tell him that something that was more personal from him would not be a “lesser” repair job but an _improvement_. I don’t think you have to worry too much about how he’d react to finding out it was a gift from an old boyfriend. Guys like to hear about how much better they are than the old guys. This gives you a great chance to pump up his ego by telling him how much better his taste is than the other guy, how much more you enjoy looking at it, etc. Trust me. It’ll work. ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/43 "2007-04-12T16:50:02Z")
I have not seen where you’ve spoken ill of him here. Might just be easy enough to point him to this thread and say "read this.’ Light bulb goes on, boyfriend understands, all is well. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679/44 "2007-04-12T17:05:37Z")
Well, I spoke to him again last night and he didn’t bring it up, which is good. So either he’s going to let it drop (Good!) or he’s plotting how to find the replacement (Not so Good) or he’s hand-crafting the replacement himself (Weird, But Sort of Good!). FWIW, when it happened I told him it was from my ex-fiancé and therefore the “giver” was not a source of sentimentality for me. I kind of think he was so horrified that he was hell bent on fixing it _RIGHT FRIKIN’ NOW_. I hope he’s chilled out a little bit. 🙂 And of course I haven’t spokent ill of him. He’s a sweetheart. 🙂 (Barf bags are on the left). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ugh-relationship-or-something-advice-needed-long-boring-dumb/399679.md?page=2)