# UK Dopers - A Call To Arms (or: let's get 'em while they're not looking)
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [July 4, 2002, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349 "2002-07-04T13:18:40Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/1 "2002-07-04T13:18:40Z")
It occurs to me that today many of our American friends are busy eating meat, getting hot and watching fireworks. It’s a national holiday and they’re all relaxed. Some may even partake of a few beers.
Here’s what I say: _it’s the perfect time to reclaim_. They won’t be expecting it. So distracted will they be with succulent corn breads, bar b q-ed ribs and women in hot-weather clothes, we could slip in unnoticed and infiltrate. Build from the ground up. Put down a flag, have someone draw up some papers, get Dubya to sign something while he’s distracted by the pretty lights in the sky and bish bosh it’s ours.
Obviously, it’s a big place and we are but small in number. So we must start small. I propose… this very board. Just think: it is a bastion of clear thinking and sensible grammar. If we mount a suprise attack, we could quickly overwhelm them and the more intelligent among them will put up no resistance. It’s clear, after all, that all these parades today are but a mask for the underlying sorrow that is their wish to belong once again to the motherland. They will thank us for it, and we will offer them consolatory crumpets.
I’ve got the tea and biscuits. Who’s with me?
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### Author:  [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/2 "2002-07-04T13:21:04Z")
My upper lip is stiff. I’m ready.
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### Author:  [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/3 "2002-07-04T13:24:09Z")
Can I be Corporal 'Don’t tell ‘em your name Pike’ Pike ?
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### Author:  [@Xerxes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xerxes)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/4 "2002-07-04T13:43:23Z")
I’m game. Problem is, I love eating meat, getting hot and watching fireworks too. And let’s not even get started on the beers. I can feel myself going native even as we speak.
That said, we’re outnumbered - by quite a bit. Plus they have cheese whiz. I’ve never known quite what this is (and have been tempted but ultimately afraid to ask). But I bet in the right hands it can be used as a potent weapon.
That said… Tally Ho!
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### Author:  [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/5 "2002-07-04T13:46:16Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Plus they have cheese whiz. I’ve never known quite what this is (and have been tempted but ultimately afraid to ask). But I bet in the right hands it can be used as a potent weapon.
\
**Richard Richard** : Cheesy dip?
**Spudgun & Little Dave Hedgehog** : Yes.
**Richard Richard** : Yes, me too. There’s something going round.
\
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### Author:  [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/6 "2002-07-04T13:49:01Z")
What-what-what!
The colonies are revolting?! \*
Well let them have representation then. For goodness sake, look at the advantages:
- they speak our language
- they share our religion (well, sort of)
- they have nice manners and know how to queue
- they have much warmer weather (and less rain ☹ )
- they make fine films and terrific TV
- they have McDonalds and Disneyland (errr, that’s enough advantages)
- note the subtle English hum **o** ur (and spelling)
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### Author:  [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/7 "2002-07-04T13:51:19Z")
Okay, here’s the plan:
[ul]
[li]Try to use the words “colour” “favour” and “arse” as much as possible. That’ll put them on the back foot for starters.[/li]
[li]Strategic cakes and biscuits. We need as many as you can muster. Victoria sponges, digestives, fig newtons. Even ginger nuts in a pinch.[/li]
[li]Moustaches. A proper stiff upper lip requires a moustache, preferably one that can be moulded with wax into attractively bushy shapes. Think General Melchett.[/li]
[li]Plant a flag. You can’t go wrong with a flag planted in the ground to tell people who’s boss.[/li]
[li]Pike, try not to trip over the flag.[/li][/ul]
I am of course open to further suggestions.
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### Author:  [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/8 "2002-07-04T13:51:28Z")
((Hmmm… My Inky sense is tingling, which can mean only one of two things! Either the British plan to re-claim the colonies, or somebody’s just opened a bag of Walkers salt and vinegar crisps!))
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### Author:  [@misfit\_57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misfit_57)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/9 "2002-07-04T14:00:00Z")
^^that i actually know most of the crap you’re talking about (the Rik Mayall bit’s a stumper tho)
😛
😃
:smack: aw, man
i shouldnt have told you that, huh…
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### Author:  [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/10 "2002-07-04T14:00:03Z")
\*\*Francesca, can I be Private Fraser? “Doomed doomed”? Or perhaps a paratrooper dressed as a nun, or _vice versa_?
One thing though, **why** do we want them?
🙂
Wishing a very happy day to all our unsuspecting targets.
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### Author:  [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/11 "2002-07-04T14:01:19Z")
oops! Sorry about the messed up code there.
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### Author:  [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/12 "2002-07-04T14:01:20Z")
Extra letters be damned!
Humor! Color! Favorite!
You can’t pull the wool over our eyes.
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### Author:  [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/13 "2002-07-04T14:04:16Z")
> [@](#):
>
> they have nice manners and know how to queue
We most certainly do not know how to queue. We know how to stand in line (and some East coast freaks stand on line). But I will fight to the death before I ever ‘queue’
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### Author:  [@ShadowWarrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShadowWarrior)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/14 "2002-07-04T14:04:29Z")
Wait - wouldn’t it be terribly impolite to reclaim while they’re busy? Can’t we all sit down and discuss it over a pot of Earl Grey and plate of rich tea?
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### Author:  [@Kal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kal)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/15 "2002-07-04T14:06:09Z")
Don’t forget the beans on toast, toad in the hole and the secret weapon: Mushy peas (with loads of mint sauce).
I am already gaining a foothold in Oregon - I have managed to turn my in-laws into English food addicts.
Next stage: Felt tip pens to colour in their money.
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### Author:  [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/16 "2002-07-04T14:06:13Z")
Chaps (and chapesses), impressed though I am by the cunning and bravery being shown here I feel this plan is doomed to failure [while Washington is protected by the Warriors of Prayer!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=123577)
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### Author:  [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/17 "2002-07-04T14:07:01Z")
Yeah, but what happens after you take over again?
Besides bad television.
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### Author:  [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/18 "2002-07-04T14:09:15Z")
And worse food.
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### Author:  [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/19 "2002-07-04T14:10:09Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Lsura \*
> Extra letters be damned!
>
> Humor! Color! Favorite!
>
> You can’t pull the wool over our eyes.
Well it’s time to reveal our secret weapon then…
just imagine my English accent! 🆒
---
### Author:  [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/20 "2002-07-04T14:11:11Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Celyn \*
> \*\*\*\*Francesca, can I be Private Fraser? “Doomed doomed”? Or perhaps a paratrooper dressed as a nun, or _vice versa_?
> One thing though, **why** do we want them?
>
> 🙂
>
> Wishing a very happy day to all our unsuspecting targets. \*\*
Well, don’t for a minue think that I’m going to be the one to help the insurrection by fixing it for you.
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